PUNCH'S INTERVIEW WITH CHANG.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 153, 12 January 1871, Page 7

PUNCH'S INTERVIEW WITH CHANG.

(From the " London Punch.") Toby rushed into the Presence, much disconcerted, and growling. "Well, my faithful what is it? Anvbi dy want to eat you." The intelligent creature nodded, pitf-ti^^ifli? rh r if };'. master had just nit ii. " Giant i> ,r-"':in < r, sh," said Vie Grroom o£the^Cigars i ,,e,ncering. '■ - '- "I have seen such a lot of t]u i ri. ' said Punch discontentedly. "There , was Goliath of Gath, Maximin the Emperor, Gabara of Arabia, John Middleton of Hale, Patrick Cotter the Irish giant, Big Sam of Carlton Palace, and a dozen more of overgrown humanities. I don't much care about him. Give him a handful of sovereigns, and send him off." « But he " " Answering me and providing yourself, Aiphonso, is one and the same thinof, as my friend Mrs. Varden observes. However, I see that you are under gigantic influence. Speak again." " He — which his name is Chang — is humbly eager to see you, sir."

" That wish shows more brains than his kind usually own. Gratify his humble eagerness. Fear nothing,

Toby. Under our eye, his Chinese appetite shall be curbed." Chang stood in the Presence. Toby

evinced continued ill-feeling.

"Now, big'un, what's up?" asked Mr. Punch. "Observe that, with his usual independence, he selected the

smallest words for the largest auditor. Had. the latter been a dwarf, Mr. Punch would probably have requested an intimation of the circumstances whicfe^jiad induced the requisition of that "interview.

" Cousin of the stars," said Chang ; " your intolerably unworthy servant tenders you his worthless acknowledgements of the priceless boon of admission to your unparalleled presence. He reverentially thanks you for the extraordinary countenance you have been pler.sed to show him."

" I don't know that my countenance is so extraordinary, Gigas. Fascinating, intellectual, impressive, perhaps."

"Your slave's abominable vocabulary is atrociously inadequate to the occasion," said Chang ; " but he intended to refer to the patronage which your Eminence has been pleased to extend to him and his brother Anak."

"I always foster rising genius," said Mr. Punch ; even when it rises to the height of eight feet, or whatever you call yourself. I have immortalised you in my pages. Well^what next ?"

"The unpardonable ambition of your slave astounds himself — "

" Nothing astounds me — go it."

" His abased and obnoxious soul lives in one hope only, if he might venture to utter it."

" Utter away, then, can't you, Gigas ? Don't waste time. December days are not as long as you."

" Your graciousness transports your slave into a region of bliss and flowers. Might he, then, dare to beg that, all unworthy as he is, he may be enrolled among the Sacred Band of Notables thft band of your Contributors ?"

Toby signified his; decided objection £o the proposed addition to the Staff. "By Koong-foo-tse, whom the

Jesuits called Confucius — you believe in Confucius, I trust, by the way ?" said Mr. Punch. "I hope, my dear Chang, that you are not a proselyte of Fan-Shin, the unbeliever, 449, a.d."

" Never heard of him," said Chang.

" Nor did T," said Mr. Punch, aside, " until I looked into the ' Dictionary of Dates." lam glad to hear it, Chang. I could not have entertained overtures from an atheistic giant. It is only the dAvarfs whom I permit to be profane. I was going to say, Chang, that you have asked a big thing." " Tour slave is a big thing." "He is. But do you know what qualities are required in a contributor to 'Punch?'"

" All the virtues, all the graces, all the arts, and all the sciences."

" Yes, that is all very well for a beginumg," said Mr. Punch, smiling indulgently. "But there must be much more. He must have an ample fortune, that he may be removed from all sordid influences ; an impressionable heart, that he may be enabled to touch the heart of woman ; inspiraof the highest order, that he may write poetry ; and a profound conviction that he is the only person in the world who understands anything about anything whatsoever. Do you possess all this, Chang, niy son ?" " Your unapproachable Eminence has taught me a golden lesson," said the giant, bending humbly over the great teacher. " You have taught me how great you are, and how small I am."

" Then," said Mr. Punch gently, " I have placed you on the first step of the ladder which you would ascend. Gro — and study. It may be that when we next meet I may grant your prayer. In the meantime, make this book your Ly-ICing — your manual of all the relations of life."

So saying, Mr. Punch gratified the giant with his forty-ninth volume.