FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 152, 5 January 1871, Page 7

FA C ETIÆ.

Doing a roaring trade— Keeping a wild beast show.

Did the horseman who " scoured the plain" use soap ? Loo is a French game, but no Frenchman admires the game of Waterloo.

Woman proves her mil in her lifetime ; a man is obliged to wait till he is dead.

A friend has a dog so very serious that even his tail has not the least bit of wag about it. The easiest and best way to expand tlie chest is to have a good, large heart in it. It saves the cost of gymnastics.

Law is like a sieve ; you may see through it, but you must be considerably reduced before you can get through it. - In selling a Newfoundland dog, do you iow whether it is valued according to hat it will fetch or what it will bring ? , If you fall into misfortune, disengage ourself as well asjyou can. Creep through be bushes that h^ve the fewest briars. ■ Artemus "Ward thought it was a hard hing not to ha 4 a wife— no gentle heart >o get up in the (morning and kindle the are. I A French larber's signboard reads thus: — "To-nwrrow the public will be shaved gratuitously." Of course it is always to-morrow. If a man vrefe to set out calling everything by its right name, he would be knocked dowrjbef ore he got to the corner of the street, j Home Toot was the son of a poulterer, •which he alluied to when called upon by the proud airiplings of Eton to describe himself — " Bam. (said Home) the son of an eminent Turkey merchant." -Fond wifpo telegraph operator : "O, sir I want p send a lass to my husband in Liverpool. How can Ido it?" Obliging oprator : " The easiest thing in the worldjiia'am. You've got to give it to me withten shillings, and I'll transmit it right aiiy." Fond wife: "If that's the case, te directors ought to put much younger ad handsomer men in your position."/ Clergymn : " I think I may fairly say that mypermon to-day was moving, soothingjind satisfying." Churchwarden : . "0, certtnly, sir. It was Moving, for I saw notjfew of the congregation leave t -the chum shortly after you began ; it| r " was Socping, ■ because it set those who|' 4 remainejasleep ; and it was satisfying ® f this waT— that I feel satisfied you mil * never hi asked to preach here again. "J' f "W, Bill, what's the matter^fith. j,you? jTou look down in the mepth." *■' Wellj' Peter, I dare say if you'dPwent LftrougV'what I have, you'd looS bad, fe>." f'Jyhat's the matter 1" $Well, -J^M. Sarah S.niveKbk^L you,