MAGGIE BLACK.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 150, 22 December 1870, Page 6

MAGGIE BLACK.

(To the Editor.)

Dear Mr. Editor, did you whistle 1 ? I was wakened very early this morning by some one whistling "Oh ! are ye sleeping Maggie," and I at once thought of yon.

It is very kind of you, Sir, to give us Tapanui people an entire column in your valuable paper to ourselves. I suppose we may consider wo are partners with you. I hope so. I should like so much to be a partner with you, though I fear I am only fit to be a sleeping one ; but perhaps you are not a partner } r ouraelf, only an editor. Well, never mind. Is there such a being as a sleeping editoress? Ah! I fear not, for I am told that an editor never sleeps, and no doubt his unfortunate better half may think herself well off if she gets forty winks now and then ; so I am rather sleepy headed — • " farewell ye visioned dreams" of cdi torial honours.

Since my letter, which had the honour to appear in your publication of the Ord nit., the gentlemen therein mentioned have all, with one exception, become convalescent ; and whatever they may be physically, certainly give proof of a more healthy moral tone — but, alas, for poor George, alias the " Puffer," there is no amendment. Day aftei day he continues to indulge in his favourite dish of bubble and squeek. I dread there is something far wrong in his upper works, what doctors call an abcess or an absence jf the brain. I am only a simple girl, dear Mr. Editor, so do correct me if I am wrong in my medical term, b.it in pooi- George's case I think I am right in saying that it is a total absence of the mental organ. Ho is now professing to having iu vented a telescope, surpassing that of Lord Ross, which he calls his patent magnifier, and enables him, from his state of elevation to make the most extraordinary observations. T believe they are chiefly sub-luna, and if taken in Melbourne, he would find he was wanted at the Yarra Bend. In one of his rambles at the foot of the Blue Mountains (telescope in hand) he came across some '• will o' the wisp," which he believes to be a comet broke loose. His botanical discoveries are equally astounding. He assures xis wo are not naturalists, and that although we are certain to vegetate some day, as yet we have not clone so. I shortly expect to see this magnet of philosophy and botany astride of mars with sword in hand, an officer of volunteers, for which office he is engaged studying an old drill book, edited by his favourite authors, " Simon and Janet." Should he ever go into action, instead of cutting off as many heads as the great Tamerlane did, he will most likely be found minus his own head.

To change the subject, we are not to have any races here this festive season. Our lords of the creation say the funds wont permit ; but the truth is, we want the services of the active leading spirit that raised the funds and made our races come off with so much eclat last year — may he soon return again to active business amongst us. Though we are behind our neighbours with races, a volunteer corps is talked of. I suppose our gentlemen are anxious to show us ladies their handsome figures in uniform. I hope they may be able to carry out their wishes.

I trust to have the honour of writing you soon again, and with the compliments of the season, which is rather early yet to send in case they spoil before Christmas.

I was just going to close, but sad news, +he " Puffer " is dead, and a post mortem held on Ms remains. As I supposed, his skull was found nearly empty, only a small quantity of pulpy matter being found in it, which the medical gentleman, who made the post mortem, tells me resembles nothing so nearly as it does the contents of a tin of potted lobsters. I suggest an epitaph for him — • Here lies what's mortal of poor George the "Puffer;" He died but young, but died quite a duffer ; No brains had he, and defective of grace, Yet — Dei gracia requiescat in pace. Yours respectfully, Maggie Black. Tapanui, December 10,- 1870,