MR. MERVYN AT THE TEVIOT.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 143, 3 November 1870, Page 6

MR. MERVYN AT THE TEVIOT.

[communicated.]

In a certain tract of Fairyland roast pigs are described as running about crying, " come and eat me." This wonderful complaisance is quite equalled by the conduct of certain popular representatives who traverse the country during the recess virtually inviting their constituents to come and laugh at them. Foremost among these benevolent buffoons I must rank our Mr. Mervyn, whose performance on the evening of Saturday the 22nd October quite entitles him to that proud eminence. This gentleman displayed a most generous desire that none of his constituents should lose the opportunity of a hearty laugh. He actually postponed his meeting in order that it might be fully advertised. Unfortunately his consideration was not fully appreciated, for the meeting he got together was neither crowded nor enthusiastic. First of all a chairman had to be appointed, and here an unexpected difficulty arose. Mr. A. wasn't on ; Mr. B. didn't seem to see it, and so on through the whole alphabet, until there seemed some danger of our " popular " representative's meeting with his constituents collapsing fo want of some one to preside. Dunedin came to the refuge ! A bagman filled the breach ! Moved by the piteous case, some commercial gentlemen, who were present, agreed to supply the deficiency. On the motion of Mr. Robert Wilson, of the firm of R. Wilson & Co., Mr. Robert Low, of the firm of Messrs. Heyinanson and Low, was called upon to fill the chair. Mr. Low is, I believe,- 4 " t,n aspirant to Municipal honours ; if so, I fear he has commenced his public life under disheartening auspices. At all events it was a spectacle for gods and men to see an absolute stranger, who has no earthly connection with the district, presiding over an assemblage of electors. Some charitable souls suggest that these commercial gents travel for the special purpose of supplying chairmen on a reasonable commission. If so, I trust they will charge poor Mr. Mervyn with the lowest price in the scale. Having got over this preliminary difficulty, the hero of the night was at liberty to air his oratory. He commenced, and for two mortal hours preached the gospel according to " I say I." He consumed bucketfuls of water during the process, and succeeded in driving away one-half of his audience, and sending the other half to sleep. After carefully boiling down his address, I arrive at the following result, premising that I have retained all the ideas : "I — yes I, myself— faithful, vigilant, energetic — I, gentlemen — I — I — I- —I — I — I — boon to the district — people's cause — I, gentlemen — I — abuse of hireling journalists — I — I — I — I — I — 1— I— I— I— I—I— I— I." In fact, the performance was I — dyllic. When the torrent of words ran itself out, and the meeting had yawned, stretched itself, and recovered from the evil effects of the infliction, two brilliant members of our Teetotal Society, proposed and seconded a vote of confidence in Mr. Mervyn. A pause followed, people took a long breath at so preposterous a proposal, while Mr, Mervyn benignantly smirked approval. At last Mr. Beighton rose up, and in a masterly address reviewed the conduct of Mr. Mervyn in the House. He had a good brief, and although he tempered justice with mercy, he literally demolished the unfortunate M.H.R. He wound up by proposing a vote of thanks to the chairman, which was carried by acclamation, the vote of confidence being contemptuously ignored. Thus ended what -I shrewdly surmise will be Mr. Mervyn's last appearance in public in this district. He retires into private life after doing as much injury to his constituents as was in the power of a creature devoid of brains. I believe he keenly felt the contemptuous manner in which he was treated, and I know he had not sufficient dignity to conceal his feelings. He amused himself after the meeting by indulgusA in a public place in all 'raanner^f invective against the "rude barbarians" / who refused to appreciate his great \ qualities,