TIPS BY TUPPER.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 138, 29 September 1870, Page 7

TIPS BY TUPPER.

OR PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY FOKHOiIE US3.

Laugh not too loudly at the Frenchman for his eating of frogs; dwelleth not a multitude of toad-eaters iv England?

The Scotchman saith "Bluid is thicker than water," but hath the canny Caledonian seen the water at tiie Ipswich bathing place?

Often do we feed our convicts well yea, better than our labourers, but seldom do they show the fruits of good living.

Thou canst not keep thy secret too closely, nor eat thy oysters too quickly for secrets and oysters exist not after they are opened.

B 3 not hospitable by halves; if thou invifcest a friend to lunch, see that his cheese is not inity nor his ale weak.

Forget not, fast young man, that he who continually useth a latch-key seldom lcttcth himself in for a good thing. O i, shop-boy with a small salary, thou hadst better not take to betting, for tie " settlements 11 of such as thee often lead to a penal one.

An imprudent Ipswich youth with nothing and a ditto ditto girl with ditto may marry; but how long will their own union keep them from that of Mr. Crispin ?

Strange ars the ways of the world, aud queer are the contradictions thereof; we punish our beggars, and 10, we ourselves are punished by our solicitors.

Toung lady, wanting an offer very badly, be not too chary with the wine to thy parents' gucts ; bear in mind that the best time to nail a man is when he is half-screwed.

Pear not my son, marry a young lady that is somewhat thoughtful and melancholy ; dread not the expensive girl of the period. . It may take thee a long time to fin.l out the exact letters of the Lw, b'l*"thou mayest soon find out its exact letters are £ s d.

Whilst thou are young, study much the writing of others, but write not much thyself; take not down the shutters of auy shop until there are goods wit'iin it.

Throughout life, my son, bear in mind this money moral : — thou canst npver make ducks and drakes of thy money without making an arrant goose of thyself.

Marry, O youth, betimes, and,if needful, often ; woman sews and man reaps the advantage ; a man without a button, is adrift even as is a ship without a needle.

Seek to wear no hoops, pretty maiden, but the plain hoop round thy left haud fourth finger; and be thou very particular as to the man privileged to put that little hoop on. Let my merit be pushed on by ambition, even as the child's perambulator is propelled by Mary Jane ; but beware lest, like that careless servant-gal, thou inakest an upset in the mud. Never be puffed up with the praise of thy friends. Remember that compliments are. the coin we pay a man to his face, but sarcasms are what we pay him out with behind his back.

Behold, bow absurd are those philosophers who prnte of the inferiority of females; 10, doth not every womam possess a master-mind — that is to say , a mind to be master if she can ?