FACETIAE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 118, 12 May 1870, Page 7

FACETIAE.

What is the difference between your coat and a donkey ? One you wear, and the other you are. "My lord," said the foreman of a Welsh jury, when giving in the verdict, "we find the man who stole the horse not guilty." An Irish, editor, in speaking of the miseries of Ireland, says, " Her cup of misery has been for ages overflowing, and is not yet full." An Irish, girl at play, on Sunday, being accosted by the priest, " Good morning, daughter of the Evil One," meekly replied, " Good morning, father." A minister at Winterset, lowa, recently stated in his sermon that " the Bible was the most important work that had yet been published in the United States." " Call that a kind man," said an actor, speaking of an absent acquaintance, "a man who is away from his family, and never sends them a farthing ! Call that kindness!" "Yes, unremitting kindness," Jerrold replied. "All persons are hereby not only, warned, but absolutely forbid to give me credit on any pretence whatsoever, as from this day forward I shall not pay any debts contracted by myself; — John l Hewitt." — " Nashville Journal." ' A newly-arrived family were lately gazing at a shop window in Reckf ord, Illinois. Little Girl : " Oh, mamma, is that a 'en V' Mamma : " No, my child, ! that is a howl." Father : " No, my wife and child, that is neither a 'en nor a howl, but its a heagle, the hemblem of this ! blarsted country !" " I have just had the exquisite pleasure," observes one Chinese father to another, *'ci beholding your pile-of-volumes son, and your string-of-rubies daughter." "Nay," responds the other, with finite humility, " a dog of a son have 1 none, though a bambooable cat of a daughter I have." This is what the Chinese call politeness. 390 Smiths fought for Uncle Sam in the late rebellion, 47 of 'em Johns. One was an adjutant, 1 captain, 9 first lieutenants, 2 second lieutenants, 24 corporals, 20 sergeants, 1 drummer, 3 musicians, 1 fifer, 4 cannoniers, 2 waggoners, 1 ambulance driver, and the remainder (315) privates. Not a Smith deserted, while eight died or were killed, and four pronoted,)