FACETIAE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 105, 12 February 1870, Page 7

FACETIAE.

One of the gentler sex says that the heaven of a strong-minded woman is " Avliere buttons groAV in their proper jilaces, and where men cease from bothering, and needles are at rest." , A modern writer gives the following | enumeration of a female eye: — "The l glare, the snare, the sneer, the invitation, the defiance, the denial, the glance of love, the flash of rage, the sparkling of hope, the languiskmeiit of softness, the squint of suspicion, the fire of jealousy, and the lustre of pleasure." A Sufficient Reason.— -The folloAving story is related by the " Evenement " of the Marquis de Boissy, avlio complained to Ins guests that tlie jury of the Exhibition had refused to receive his portrait, Avhich lie really could not comprehend, considering that the picture Avas an admirable one, and, moreover, a speaking likeness. "Ah," said one of his guests, "that's tlie very reason the jury refused it." Velocipede candy is now sold in Manchester. The manufacturer finds it is necessary to give notice that it is not worked by thevfeet. jnprato the dL. and publishing/, .rc<" : o. j -sroiien is n^ / / . '1 <"£ ~'-e' ">f FV Dl^aeU h& g CCnt i y been c.uoxeu as I ai iT! lOnty 4 evening dress. Here is • % tho ?S-P^^«ays? S -P^^«ays on the subject t ;— iiveinng dress is\ stye of cosWe sanctioned by society for embling ladies to c^splay their natural beauties Avitli/a P r ?™si°n worthy of a Grecian statue."/ ' • rl? w tllen > Joseph, parse courtin/," teacher to a rather fast bly. an irregular active transitive verb, Lcfaicative mood, present tense, tliird peran, singular number, and so on," j del Joseph. "Well, what does it ajree with?" demanded the teacher. 'It agrees with all the lasses in town !" ixclaimed Joseph, triumphantly. A Roman being about to repudiate us Avife T among a variety of other questi >ns from,' her enraged kinsmen, was aske .—. — "Is she not a handsome woman? Has she not borne you fine children ?" [In ansAver to which, questions, slipping off his shoe, he heid it up, and interrogated them in his turn — " Is not this a shoe ? A very handsome one? It is not quite new?, Is it not extremely well made? Hoav, then, is it that none of you can tell me where the shoe pinches ? j A story is told in a Paris paper o: a new method for recovering one's detts. The other day a crowd gathered in ilie vicinity of the Odeon round a girl Avitf a I woodsn leg, whom a gentleman at "an adjoining window was apostrophising Avith loud cries and gesticulations. |lt turned, out that the girl was a washerwoman who had gone to the gentleman to ask for payment of her bill, and finding tli&t the money was not forthcoming, she had seized her customer's woodfoi leg, Avhich was lying in a corner, and hid walked off, declaring that she would npt return it till she was paid.— "Pall Mall Gazette." - --- -'--••- A Till story. — A writer in "Blackwood," detailing his experience in the Americtnwar, says: — "I had just been ordering our men not to waste their ammunition, and to fire only when they caw the person of a Yankee completely exposed, when close at hand I heard the dull thud of a bullet striking home, and turning round saw one of our soldiers, a gallant young fellow whom I knew well, throw up his arms and fall heavily to the ground. Dismounting at once, I hastened to his side ; but, finding that the ball had struck him right in the middle of the | forehead, I regarded him as a corpse, and deemed all further assistance wholly unnecessary. Not many minutes had elapsed, however, before the apparently -dead man began to move ; and when the . jpurgeon, who had already arrived, poured pome "brandy down his throat, to our infinite amazement he opened his eyes. A few hours later — miraculous to relate ..— whea" trie bleeding from the wound liad ceased, lie had recovered sufficiently frore/the severe shock to return to his ~V<m,'oi duty. According to the surgeon's -^^ftement, the ball, striking obliquely, J ; Mil glanced, passing between cuticle and ; //cull, all around the head, emerging at | /J&sb from the very place it hM first en- j

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