FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 93, 20 November 1869, Page 6

FACETIÆ.

A young lady at Troy," New York, has "a photographic album containing male friends labelled "Boot of 'Huns." ' ' ' ' ' Mrs Bloomer, the originator of the costume •which' bears her name, has reverted to the style of. drbss ordinarily worn by females. ' " Why do women spend so much time and money on ' dress ?" asked a gentleman of a belle. "To worry other women,'.' was ths truthful reply.' ' " X suppose you are interested in ' Gems of Thought,' Matilda ?" " Yea, Angelina ; but not so much* as iti ' Thoughts oi* G-ems !'" '" " An unsuccessful lover was asked by what means heiost his divinity. " Alas !" cried he, " I flattered her until she got too proud to speak to me." ' ' '"- Examiner: "Why does a cat, sir, while eatingj'tatfn her head first one way and then the other ?" ' Pupil : " Because she cannot turn it both ways at once." 1 What is the difference between a civilised diner and a person who subsists at the North Pole? — Attention, again! One has his bill of fare, and the other his fill of bear. Mr Muofgins says that there is no country in the world.- where wives are more worshipped than they are in France. He regrets' to say, however, 'that all the adoration comes from somebody else's Tiusband. '* Husband, I wish! you would buy me some' 1 pretty feathers.' "Indeed, 1 my dear .little wife, you look better without them." ■j'Oh, no,""- said she, coaiiugly, "you always call me your little bird, and how does a bird look without feathers ?" "^Why, dressed, to be sure;" he said. ' A certain farmer (a pillar of the church) had a field of wheap, which',, 'being a little late, was threatened with an early frost. In the emergency, 'he 'went into' his closet ''and •wrestled in prayer with the lord for ' its preservation. In his prayer he stated the facts fully, and how the wheat would be affected 'by the frost, and wound up his petition in these words i ' " Not, Lord, that I would dictate, but merely recommend and advise." ' One day Thackeray was driving along an JErisn road, at due intervals alon^ the ' sides df nrhich. 1 posts' were set, with figures of c!ii« fances and the initials 0-. P. o.' Overtaking a peasant in a jaunting car, he inquired the significance" of ' these initials. ' The ' man gravely informed him that they stood for * God Preserve O'Connell !\' Out came the tourist's note-boon, in which a memorandum was at once jotted' down of the curious fact? In' the first edition of the* -'Sketches" the iact "was ''duly mentioned, but" it' 'was suppressed iv all subsequent isßue9, owing to" the tardy discovery 1 that 1 the initials ' stood foe "General Po3t-Office," indicating that the highway" was a post-road. • l • " • ' ' ' An 1 Atlanta' Correspondent of the Chattanooga- " American 1 Union-" writes :—": — " Some of the Atlanta merchants are shrewd. I hear of a good thing perpetrated by one o£ tketa, which was related! by' "him to a New Yprk drummer.* The merchant aforesaid i 8 in the ready-made clothing 1 business, and he told the gentleman from' New York that- when a customer came in, after letting him try on seye*ral'coats, he would,' say to him that he had a coat which 1 he" had' given a gentleman to take home the night before, 1 but he was not satisfied with' it,' ancl returned it, perhaps it mfghfc fit his customer. 5 ' 'Now, you know/ says he * all men are' more or less dishonest, so I put a pocket-bdok in 1 one of the coat pockets, which ' only 1 " cost me'thirty 1 or 'forty cents. Now, when the- man tries on the coat, he pats his hands' into the 1 pockets and feels the pocket-book;' &ti& lie buys- the coat at once for a- considerable advance on the usual price. And h'e'never came- back to fee about it ! !" Admiral Prince Menschik'off, 1 who died a few weeks ago at St. Petersburg, was one of the- most ardent fanatics' among the so called Old Russians. " A Paris paper relates a' few characteristic anecdotes about him. Whenever the 1 patriotic piny, "The life for the Czar," -was performed at the Imperial Theatre .in St. Petersburg, "the Admiral' made his appearance and shed 'tears. ' One day Prince — ' — ,' noted for his caustic wit and independent character, conversed with MeDschikoff, to>ffihbnt .he said: *' There "is 'no God!" Menschikoff 'sprang : to his" feet with 'a cry of Ww>r, antf'eiclaiined/his' features distorted with rage; " What did you say ?" The' Prince replied calmly," " I said thera was "'no God.", The Admiral retorted, "You utter 'a btasphemy!"' "Very well," rejoined the Prince, " but what if she Emperor should repeat' to you the same thing ?" " That would alter the case,"" said Menschikoff, quite' pacified : " His Majesty knows more about it "than I do." - ' '" " ' " : '■->■>■ v Mr Sayre lisps a little. Some years since an overseer on one of his farms told him he needed some hogs bn his place.' Said Mr Sayre — " Verj» well, go and buy four pr five thows and'pigth right away/arid put them ort the farm." Tli6 man, ' accustomed to obeyi and that without' questioning, asked-i-" Shall I take the money with me to purchase them with ?" ' • "No ' thir. ' They all ' know me. Thend them here ; I'll, pay for them," or giro you the money tof'pay for them when you get ! them.". The overseer went his' way,- and in two weeks returned, when the following con-versation-took place :— " Well, Mr' gayre^'l can't get that many pigs. ' 1 have ridden all , Over the country, ail about, and can 'get but beiween eight and nine hundred: " Eight or nine hundred what ?" ' " Bight or nine hundred" pigs."'' "Eight or nine -hundred pigth ! Are'you a fool?", " You told, me to buy them two' weeks since.' £ have tried to do so." '.'Eight O" nine' hundred pigth! £ never told you any thutch thing." • " But you did" ; you told me to go and, buy four or five 1 thousand 1 pigs." 1 '* I didn't' do any such" thing. '' I told, you to buyWf Or five thows antflitde pigth,' tind you have' done it,' I ' l should thay,'*' Mi' gayrehad pork to 1 sell the neitFa\L • P,p.rk jtaoi and Mr S>yrs pmz his pile. ' *-. - <-' • '