FACETIAE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 86, 2 October 1869, Page 6

FACETIAE.

A Berlin ophthalmist, in two cases of partial blindness, has found a tape-worm behind fche iris of the eye. These worms are produced by eating underdone or- unecoked meat — chiefly pork. Everything useful or necessary is cheap- i est: walking is the most wholesome exercise, water the best drink, and plain food the most nourishing and healthy diet ; even in knowledge, the moat useful is the most easily acquired." Dr- Mead was once assailed in. a pamphlet by Dr Woodward. The doctors met --a fight ensued with swords. Mead dis- j armed his adversary, and ordered him to J beg for his life. "Never!" said Woodward— "never, till lam your patient !" j Envy. — Envy cannot be hid. It accuses and judges without proofs ; it exaggerates defects; its conversation is filled with gall, exaggeration, and injury. It stands out \ with obstinacy and with fury against striking merit. It is hasty, insensible, and brutal. Sound Advice. — A young farmer asked j an old Scotchman for advice in his pursuits. ! He- told him what had been the secret of his own success in farming, and concluded with the following warning : — " Never, Sandi©, never, above all things, never get in debt; but if you do, l&fc it be for manure. '* Very ludicrous 13 the answer of a lunatic to a visitor who said to him, ' ' You now tell me that you are the Archangel Gabriel, but last time I was here didn't you tell me that you were Lucifer V* — " So I am," replied the lunatic, " but it's by different mothers." The oldest tree on record in Europe is asserted to be the- Cypress of- Somma, in Lombardy, Italy. This tree is believed to have been in existence at the time of Juliu Caesar, 42 years before Christ, and is therefore 1911 years old. It is 106 feet in height, and 20 feet in circumference at one foot from the ground. Signs of Rain. — When the odour of flowers is unusually perceptible, rain may be ©xpeoted, as the air when damp conveys the odour more effectively than when dry. Damp air being also a better conductor of ! sound than dry, the sound of mills, rail- \ way trains, distant bells, &o, may be heard j more plainly just before rain. j A few days before my arrival in Utah, Brigham was married again to a young and really pretty girl, but he says he shall stop now. He told me confidentially that he shouldn't get married any more. He saya that all he wants now is to liva in peace for the remainder of his days, and have his dying pillow soothed by the loving ' hands of hia family. Well — that's all j right — that's all right —I suppose — but if I all his, family soothe bis dying pillow — he'll have to go out doors to die, ■ — Artemns Ward an Brigha/m Young, A Brief Lecture on Business. — A calm, ' blue eyed self-possessed young lady re- • ceived a long call the other day from a ! prying old spinster, who, after prolonging her stay beyond even her own conception of the young lady's endurance, came to the main question which had brought her thither. " I've been asked a good many times if you were engaged to Dr D. Now, if folks inquire again whether you are or not, what ahall I tell 'em, I thinks— " Tell them/* answered the young lady, fixing her calm blue eyes in unblushing steadines upon the inquisitive feature of her interrogator, "tell them that you think you don't know, and you are sure it is none of your business." A Maiden's " Psalm of Life."— Tell ua not in idle jingle " marriage is an empty dream !" for the girl is dead that's single, and things are not what they seem. Life is real ! life is earnest ! single blessedness a fib; u Manthou art, to man returne9tJ" has heen spoken of the rib. Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, is our destined end or way, but to act that each to-morrow finds us nearer marriage day. life is long and youth is fleeting, and our hearts, though light and gay, still like pleasant drums are beating wedding marches all the way. In the world's broad field of battle, in the bivouac of life, be not liko dumb driven cattle ibe a heroine — a wile. Trust no future, howe'er pleasant, let the dead Past fcury its dead ! Act — act to the living Present ! heart within and hope a-head ! Lives of married folks remind us, we can live our lives as well, and departing leave behind us such examples aa shall " tell.' 1 Such examples that another, wasting life in idle sport, a forlorn unmarried brother seeing, shall take heart and court. Let us, then,be up and doing, with a heart on triumph set ! still contriving, still pur. ; piling, and each one % husband get. — ;