FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 82, 4 September 1869, Page 6

FACETIÆ.

editor closes his leader in., this' unhappy strain:— "The sheriff's oflicer^is waiting for us in the other rooni, so we have no opportunity to ba pathetic; we are wanted, and must go. Delinquent subscribers— you have much to answer for ! Heaven may forgive you, but we never can. " Mr Jenkins playfully remarked' to Ms wife that in her ho possessed five fulls. " Name them, my love." — v You are beautiful, dutiful, youthful, fruitful, and an armful"—" You have the advantage of me, my" dear." — " How so, my p'recioiis!" "I have but one fool." -Mr Jenkins subsided. On the "leather cockade" question, a ■gentleman - writes to othe -" New York Post — "I use them to distinguish my coachman's hat from my own. We are both good-looking men; we both: wear tan dollar hats, and when we go, out for a drive in the Park, I think ititlue to myself that the public should know who owns the ferriage, 'and who- drives HV" j A detachment of soldiers being suddenly attacked by Indians, tired their mountain howitzer^ without rembvin v g' it from the back of the mule that was carrying it, the consequence of which was that the mule and howitzer went rolling down ,the declivity towards the^red men, who •'fle'd : in consternation. •'- One* of the Indians was captured and asked why he ran away so, replie ( d, "Me big-Injin, am not afraid of little giins ron't when 'white' men load up and fire a whole. Jackass at Injin, me dont know what' to do. ' ' ' Something .Like an Adventure. — The * '-Herald " i$ ;r esponsibJ,e f v>r the following ; 1 -'-At ' Jacksonville, 111.', recently, a Mr Dunlop, while exercising at Professor Groover's hall, accidentally rode down an inclined plane to a level wihh the window sill^pa^sed through; tho open window, and leaped an alley ten feet wide. JIe f alighted w'th his vehicle on the roof of a drug store, a' storey. -lower, and the machine rode down tha ronf and over the eaves, landing on the roof of Ayres's Bank. At stage of the proceeding, Mr Dunlop fjßll.offjbho velocipede, and was saved from v t&rrible- d'e'atli thereby. A large crowd witnessed the perilous ride from the wiudows. , -What Josh.Billings says. — Josh^Billings ' says/ on the siibjedt, thusly : — "it don't take much stuff to build a filosipede. ■ I am .bold tew say that a man cpuld make orie'ov'em out 'of acirigle old plank, and then hey enough stuff left over to splinter broken limbs, or make, perhaps, a corfin. •■ A filosipede can't stand" alone, and that single fact iz enuff to condemn the thing in mi eye. I do.n'fc -want to have anything to do with any helpless critter that can't stand alone, onless, I might add^ it is a ' purty woman going' for to faint, I don't . -think -it jwill ever get intew gineral use among farmers, az it haz no conveniences fOFhay riggiHj "or even a place; to "strap Rtk-; and as tew going tew oiiurch on family would have tew go' one at a ancL the resi; walk. 'So of course liing is killed in that direction.' 7^ he Velocipedist. "