LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AUGUSTUS MUGGINS, Esq.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 74, 10 July 1869, Page 6

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AUGUSTUS MUGGINS, Esq.

1. Augustus Muggins, be ing of sound mind and, as yet, sound body, considering the perils which do daily beset me from dull times, rejected contributors, bad brandy, &c, do hereby make my last will and testament. But inasmuch as my wealth is not equal to my merit, nor my ability to my generosity, I bequeath to those who deserve the attention my stock of virtues and my library of knowledge. Imprimis. — Whereas it has ever been my aim to act up to the noble precept, " Clothe the naked," my honesty I bequeath to Henry Driver, Esq., M.P.C. and M.H.E. 2. My sincerity I would gladly leave to James Macandr&w, Esq., Superintendent of this Province, were I not certain he would not have it at any price. Therefore my executors will have it sold by public auction, for the benefit of whom it may concern, Messrs. Driver, Maclean and Co. to act as auctioneers. 3. My public spirit and disinterestedness I bequeath to the Mayor and Corporation of Lawience : to be equally divided between the Peelstreet and Ross-place representatives. 4. My knowledge of grammar I desire to be divided between needy Provincial Councillors. 5. Colonel Whitmore will find my courage and temper a valuable bequest. I 6. My conceit I leave to J. G-. S., on the principle that to him that hath shall be given. 7. My blessing I give to the Athenaeum Committee. This may. surprise many ; but Ido not choose to war with nonentities. 8. My courtesy and moderation I freely present to the Hospital Committee. 9. My generosity is at the service of the English Grovernment. 10. My library I request shall be distributed as follows : — " Hints on Brewing" and " An Essay on Self-seeking," to W. Vox, Esq., Colonial Secretary. 2. The Law of Treating," to Thos. Birch, Esq., Mayor of Dunedin. 3. " The Political Career of Benjamin Disraeli," and " The Harlequin of Finance : a Romance," to Julius Yogel, Esq. 4. " A Treatise on Dog-kennels," to E. T. Stafford, Esq. 5. " Soyer's Cookery " and " Meg Dodds," to Messrs. Tito Kowarau and Te Kooti. 6 " An Enquiry into the Nature of Cold Mutton " and " Who's to Pay a Tragi-Comedy ? " to St. John Branigan. 7. " The Decisions of His Excellency Sancho Panza, Governor of Barataria," to all Justices of the Peace. 8. A manuscript entitled " The Cannibal's Comfort ; or, the Happy Hau Hau," I humbly dedicate to Exeter Hall. 9. Copies of the " Child's Eirst Spelling Book " to every official in the Colony. 10. "Virtue Rewarded; or, the Impenitent Pickpocket," to C. E. Jones, Esq., of Ballarat. 11. " Mares Nests : their Nature and discovery," to Henry Parkes, Esq., Kiamia. 12. "The Thirty-nine Articles," to Bishop Jenner. 13. " Christian Charity : a Discourse," to Bishop Jenner's opponents. 14. "The Faithful Representativea Farce," to C. O'Neill, Esq., M.H.R. 15. "The Whitewashed Cannibal: a Biography," to D. M'Lean, Esq., Native Minister. 16. "The Nature of Deputation," to the Corporation of Oamaru. All these valuable works to be delivered carriage free. 11. To Sage, a mastiff dog, — the only living creatui-e I ever found disinterested in his friendship, fearless in defence, and tardy to attack, — I leave my respect and esteem, if he will accept such a tribute from a member of the miserable human race. In witness whereof, &c, Augustus Muggers.