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Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 73, 3 July 1869, Page 6

Theodore Hook was once punning on names, and a - gentleman named Dunlop defied him to pun on his name. " Oh," said Hook, " lop off half the name and it ! is done" (Dun). Most ennybody kan write, poor sense, says Josh Billings, but thare aint but few that kan write good nonsense, and it olmos takes an eddykated man tew appreciate it after it iz writ. Female Peinters — An "Employer of women" writes to the " Chicago Evening Post" that it takes about 15 good female type-setters to do the work of 12 good men. Five women, he says, require as much overseeing as 10 men. He cannot get extra female help, he says, as he can male help, by sending to the nearest drinking saloon. Lastly, he complains that he cannot swear at the women. Fahmeh's Ceeed. — "We believe in small farms and thorough cultivation. "We believe the soil loves to eat as well as the owner, and ought, therefore, to be well manured. We believe in going to the bottom of things, and, therefore, in deep ploughing and enough of it. All the better if it be a subsoil plough. "We believe in large crops, which leave land better than they found it — making both the farm and farmer rich at once. We believe that every farm should own a good farmer. We believe that the best fertilizer of any soil, is a spirit of industry, enterprise, and in- i telligence — without this, lime, gypsium, and guano will be of little use. We believe in good farms, good barns, and good farm horses, good orchards, and children enough to gather the fruit. We believe in a clean kitchen, a neat wife in it, a clean cupboard, a clean dairy, and a clean conscience ! — "Dixie Farmer." The Cotjbse of Tetje Love. — At Grecnhill, Norton, Derbyshire, the other day, a loving couple, whose united ages reached 140 years, were to have been united in marriage. The bride was ready, but the bridegroom did not appear. It afterwards transspired, as he was expeditiously making his wap from home to the object of his second choice, he was espied by his daughter, who guessed his movement ; and as the said daughter has weathered the storms of nearly half a century, she. declared he should not bring any one to rule over her, therefore she pursued him. The fugitive was overtaken, and a scene ensued in which the desperate lover was rather roughly handled, and led back to his home, where he remained the whole day complaining of the present, and trembling for the future. But he had apparently studied the nursery rhyme, " If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again," for he contrived to make his escape at night, and shortly afterwards the loving couple were united. [ Holloway's Ointment and Pills. — Never neglect a Cold.— lt is painful to hear of the many fatal cases which commenced with the ordinary symptoms of a common cold. Holloway's Ointment rubbed on upon the back and chest, prevents all disastrous consequences ; it soothes the inflamed lining of both throat and chest. After rubbing in the ointment for a few days, the pectoral irritation and the tightness of breathing diminish, the cough becomes looser and less frequent, and the phlegm is expectorated with less difficulty, till the lungs become free and respiration natural. All subject to take cold from slight exposure to varying temperatures, will find Holloway's Soothing Ointment and Purifying Pills an effective safeguard against pleurisy, bronchitis, asthma, and consumption.