WOMAN—MARK TWAIN'S OPINION.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 70, 12 June 1869, Page 5

WOMAN— MARK TWAIN'S OPINION.

At the annual 1 banquet of the Washington Correspondents' Club, held on the night of the 12th January, tha " Star " reports the twelfth toast as follows : — " Woman : The pride of the professions, and the jewel of ours," was responded to by Mr. Clements, better "known as Mark Twain:

Mr. Twuin responded as follows : — Mr. President, I do not know why I should be singled out to receive the greatest distinction of the evening — for so the office of responding to the toast to woman has been regarded in every age — (Applause.) I do" not ■know why I have received this distinction, unless it be that I am a" trifle less homely than the other members of the club. But be this as it may, Mr. President, I am proud of the position ; and you could not have selected any one who would have accepted it more gladly, or laboured with a-heartier good will to cto the sulrect justice tuan I. Because, sir, I love the sex. — • (Laughter.) I love all the women, sir, irrespective of age or colour. — (Laughter.) Human intelligence cannot estimate what we owe to woman, sir. She sews on our buttons. — (Laughter.)' She mends our clothes. — (Laughter.)' She ropes us in' at the church fairs — she confides in us, she tells whatever she can find out about the little private affairs of the neighbours — she gives us a piece of her mind sometimes — and sometimes all of it — she soothes our aching brows. In all relations of life, sir, it is but a just and graceful tribute to woman to say that she is a brick. — (Great laughter.) Wheresoever you place woman, sir, in whatever position or estate, she is an ornament to the place she occupies, and a treasure to the world. [Here Mr: Train paused, looked enquiringly at his hearers, and remarked that the applause should come in- at this point. It came. Mr. Twain' resumed his eulogy.] Look at Cleopatra! lookatDesdemona! look at Joan of Arc ! look at Florence Nightingale ! look at Lucretta Borgia ! — (Disapprobation expressed.) Well, said Mr. Train, scratching his head doubtfully, suppose we let»Lucretia slide. £iook at Joyce Heth. ! look at Mother Eve ! — (GrW of oh, oh.) You need not look at her unless you want to'; bat, said Mr. Twain reflectively, after a pause, Eve was ornamental, sir, particularly before the fashiens changed. I repeat, sir, look at the Widow Machree ! look at Lucy Stone ! look at Elizabeth Cady Stanton ! look at Gfeorge Francis Train ! — (great laughter) — alid sir, I say it with bowed head and deepest veneration, look at the mother of Washington ! She raised a boy that could not lie — could not He. — (Applause.) But he never had any chance. — (Oh, oh.) It might have been different if he belonged to a Newspaper Correspondents' Club. — (Laughter, groans, hisses, and cries of " Put him out.") Mark looked round placidly upon his excited audience, and resumed. I repeat, sir, that i n whatever position' you place a woman, she is an ornament to society, and a treasure to the world. Asa sweetheart she has few equals and no superiors — (laughter) ; as a cousin she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother Avith an incurable distemper she is precious ; — as a wet nurse she has no equal among men. — (Laughter.) What would the people of this earth be without woman ? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Then let us cherish her, let us protect her, let us give her our support, our sympathy — ourselves, if we have a chance. — (Laughter. — But, jesting aside, Mr. President, woman is loveable, gracious, kind of heart, beautiful, worthy of all esteem, of all deference. Not any here will refuse to drink' hep health right cordially in thi? bumper of wine, for each and every one has personally known, and loved, and nonoured the very best in the world — his own mother. — (Applause.)