FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 56, 6 March 1869, Page 3

FA CET I Æ.

-IlrjTS to Advertisers. — Dr. Campbell says : — Dull times are tho very beat for advertisers. What little is going on_ they get, while others are grumbling, they pay their way, and, with newspaper for life-preserver, swim jem the top of the' water, while others around are sinking. When people sec a man advertise they know he is a business man, and his advertising proclaims that he is not above business, but anxious to do it. " There is but one way of obtaining business — publicity ; and ono way of obtaining publicity advertisements." — " Black wood." "Tho farmer plants his seeds, and while he is sleeping his corn and potatoes are growing. So with advertising, while you are sleeping, or eating, or conversing with one of your customers your advertisement i 3 being read by hundreds and thousands of persons £vho never saw you nor heard of your business, nor never would, had it not been for your advertisements appearing in the paper." Temptation by a Lawyer. — During the Jate' election in England, the Attorney•General was. trying an old couple- very hard for the old gentleman's vote. The * #Id lady said, "My husband has promised to vote for the Liberals " The AttorneyGenoral however would not be satisfied, and used all his, special eloquence on the occasion. lie was- tryiug to perauade the old man, his wife .vaa fumbling over a book, and presently asked the Attorney-General if he would '• be kind .enough to read this chapter in the Bible?" He proceeded to do so, and presently jsame to the words " And there came a XJercain lawyer tempting." When she looked up the Attorney-General was A " Tall " Description. — A coquette is itShH'of fancy for a moment — faithless for p, year fickle for ever — a painted doll — a glittering trifle — a feather — a t©y — a bnfohlo— a trati3itory pleasure — an eternal pain — an embodiment of absurdities—and a collection of contr«idiutiong. Befeser than waiting for a turn of Luck. — 'Turning an honest penny. — " <• un." " Nyc so Shady. — An old lady, whose son was lately about to proceed to the Black &ea, among other parting admonitions, gave him strict injunctions not to bathe in tFjat sea, for she did not want to see him c:»me back a " blackamoor." When ia a lady's neck not a lady's neck V When it is a little bare (bear.) ' ' I keep an excellent table," said a lady, disputing with one of her boarders.".That may be tras, ma'am," said he ; hut you put very little upon it." A New .Orleans newspaper contains this.' advertisement: "For sale, an excellent y&un% horso ; would suit any timid lady or gentleman, with a long silver tail." Ad interesting volume — the volume' of /currency. The interest varies in proportion tq I_he size of the volume. ,\yf)y are a lady's eyes like friends separated by distant climes ? — Becauso Jhey CQ]pre?pQiis but never meet. A thief- who lately broke into a grocer's j warehouse, exenged himself on the plaa that he only went to take tea. .As people sprinkle the floors before they /slain them, »o some ladies sprinkle their husbands Jwjch tears, in order to clean jihem--out. A'Gentleman in company with- Poote, took up a newspaper, saying, " lie wanted •to see what the Ministry /vvas .about." Foote with a smile replied, "look am_png fhe rohhdries." , - A 'Writer qualrftfy remarks, * l Avoid arguments with ladies. In spinning yarns among silks and' satins, a" man will ever* be toorj^d- and tvjlstsd. And when map, 13 worsted <*nd twisted, ha may consider himself iDound tip." The.following anecdote is told of Baron -St. de Rothschild : — Ooe day a gentleman entered his office. Th» baron, who ipa* writing, aaid without raising his eyes, jmi with the German accaat he neVer gob viil fit- *'Tak«'a<ehair, sit."' The g3-.iib.nan, unaccustomed to this froo and ©*sy way, said, " J be^; your pardon, sir, I aaj Count -*•-," Well, than, take two chairs^ replied the boron, w^fcliqufr jfaLwfag tp 9?rit^. . m vThvi£t.— V&ihte* Body (to Townsman /^^■■*wa3 supposr.a $6 bn- in London «m a ■|^^|hi|y^cl: M Mac ! ye'i-3 suria hame ie'd just a ruinoiu a had mi' been thewheu — J3ai}g — ia it ihntCeysn tho