MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 56, 6 March 1869, Page 3

MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYS.

by Diogenes the You^geb. Hobblcdehojnood safely past, the finished young man makes lu3 bow upon the world's stajje. He is either infinitely better or infinitely worse than his predecessor. Hia varieties are infinite, and would require a tenth edition of the Encyclopaedia Britaunica for their description. Eor youth is not to be estimated by years. Tho street Arab at ten is older than the peaceful hind at ninety ; tho country bumpkin at fifty not half so cli as the smart Londoner of fifteen. Thank heaven we have some gay youngsters wiioso frosted locks accord ill with the merry heart within, and waoae gay laugh proclaims " That he .and youth are house-mates still." And, sad to tell, there are in our midst callow proilijjatcs fur whom lite never aad a spring, whose existence is spent in a fierce glow of vice, and who die before their years amount to the boyhood of others, doting aud imbecile old men. But it is not with such I have to deal. The naturalist docs not describe all blackbirds iVoin that rara avis, that winged contradiction, a ichite blackbird, neither do I pick my types from tho eddies, but from the broad stream of humanity. I remember once being introduced to a superb specimen of the genus swell, a noble and dignified creature, whose shirt front was fearfully and wonderfully made. Ho was kind enough to patronise me, and expressed intense pity for the slate of mind that permitted me to go to any other tailor than his, that saw chances of amusement and instruction beyond " Our Hct." He was kind enough to favour me with his views on society, winding up with thin brilliant instance of the lnefchod of classification. " Men are — aw," raid lie, " divided into those who go to" good tailors and those who don't." I am sorry to say I made some irreverent remark about a tailor's goose, and so lost the friendship of tho magnilico. Now, I cannot pretend to so bold a classification, perhaps because I have never graduated as a cutter or stitcher, but such an one as my poor endeavours can produce runs thus : — 1. The fiist young man. 2. The nice younj^ man. 3. The f "inny young man. 4. The studious young man. 5. The serious young man. G. The romantic young man. 7- The youn^ man who ia bound ' to get on. 8. The ditto ditto who is bound to go to the dogs. 9. The ditto ditto who has seen better days. 10. Tho elderly young gentleman, 11. The thorough sweep. 12. Tho complete pigeon. The first of the above dozen is, I confess, the" type i most despise. I have some kind of respect for tho courago of the man who thrown aside all sense of virtue and truth" in order to gratit/ his baser self, but for the miserabm, cur who wishes to have the spurio^ e'jlat of all the vices of bis pattern, an£l* who yet ha 3 not coo.ra.ge enough to practise them, my contempt ia too I great for expression. Everybody has '

ueen him loud in talk, delighting in vulgar slang — for all slang is not vulgar — Mr. Purist ; always telling of some glorious lark, which is generally a 1 ale of senseless brutality or coarse practical joking. His highest attempt' at wit is to smash a window, steal a knocker, or murder an inoffensive cat, while his humour finds *venfc in insulting every woman he encounters. Yet J after all the miserable creature is a sham. He can sing loud bacchanalians, yet his tipple i.* ginger wine. He boasts of his knowledge of all kinds of blackguardism, yet is helpless as a two-year-old child when brought face to face with what he has vaunted off. The directions taken by ambition are strange ; but this is surely the strangest of all. A Roman actor is said to have earned fame and sesterces by imitating the cry of a sucking pig ; but here is a human being whose greatest ambition is to bo held like unto the inmates of the stye. -Heis a vile hyprocite ; and it is more manly, I wot, to be utterly bad than in any degree hyproeitical. The bad man, if you can only show him his own picture in all its vileness, has a chance of reformation ; '" Virtue has such an air and such a mien A 1 to be loved needs only to be seen." but the hypocrite can always console himself by the belief that ho is not nearly so bad as he is said to be and so is impevious to rebuke or counsel. ! Poor wretch ! if he knew how transparent is all his pretence, that although he may deceive and terrify women and boyp, a man of the world can read him at a glance. He might amend his ways — let us hope so ; and also let us i trust ho may read this portrait of him- ! self. (To be continued.)