SCRAPS FROM OUR NOTE BOOK.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 55, 27 February 1869, Page 6

SCRAPS FROM OUR NOTE BOOK.

No. XXIII.— AMATETJB MUSICIANS. The glorious name of Bass will ilways bo associated in the British nind with bitter beor and the abolition of the organ-grinder nuisance. No longer are tho sylvan recesses of the Alpha Koad, or the blooming bowers of Brovnpton, made horrible by hideous sounds. Even Bamsgate is hushed to rest ; and Margate is undisturbed tj hurdy-gurdies. New Zealand has not as yet been cursed by an invasion of the grinding horde ; but it is much to be feared that, since s in the Northern Hemisphere G-iacomo's occupation has gone, bo will direct his steps to the Antipodes. Woe to our unhappy cars if this bo tho result, unices, indeed, they are already deafened by tho strenuous exertions of our amateur musicians. I have lived next door to a foundry, aud for some time lodged near the liegent Park Gardens — nay, I have very viv,id recollections of sleeping under the same roof as a s healthy, strong-lungod infant ; but noijajl the din of Nasmyth's steam liainTribr ;4; 4 riot tho blended roarings of all Buckland's ferocious pets ; not-^D/Scii-pendous climax — the squalling v 'df ■fifty dozen brace of twins could infliction me torture equal to that which I suffer from the companionship of amateu£ 4 , musicians. In the early morning? when sleep begins to visit my acinus: eyes, I bear, with horror and dismay, the clearing of a . throat, and then, piped with all the vigour of a smithy bellows, come the well-known strains of " My .Boy Tammy," or some otlfcr equally detestable piece of lyric "ini-' quity. lam not particularly wicked, indeed I don't think 1 ever came under the notice of the police ; but assuredly there is no rest for me. Concertina and fiddle complete my misery, and drive me forth, half insane, to seek relief in writing down somebody or other. For, iv your private ear, reader mine, my pen i 3 naturally more inclined' to rose-water than gall, but that awful instrument tho jiddlo sours my temper, and at times induces the diro disease- of 7wfro-phobia. Hermes »ays the Homeric Hymn was the inveufcor of the lyre; and the lyre was unquestionably the parent of the iiddle. Right worthy of such a founder, — beautiful instance of what some pcnny-pulpifc philosophers call the eterml fitness of things, — that the god of thieves should be inventor of the greatest thief of time and temper I have as yet encountered. In fact, the amateur musician, if he be not a great cun, is unquestionably a great bore. "He is eternally picking up 'fragments of tunos a:^ rehearsing them for your delectation, tdb^it they may bo common property of every ca:'-no and^ music-hall iv Christendom. Then, it your politeness be greater than your courage, and you are unable to refuse point blank his offer of a " little music,'" what horrors are you not called upon to enduro. As for your tormentor, he is in the seventh heaven of enjoyment. He throws back bis bead, grins idiotically from car to car, keeps time with way limb, and sways backwards and forwards in a manner suggestive of S3a-s"ekness. Escape is impossible until be has finished bis repertoire, and then you may thank your stars if he does not repeat what be chooses to consider tho beauties of each piece. Woe betide you if you mention any great performer to the amateur, for assuredly he will draw some unearthly discord from his instrument, and ask if that is uot the Maestro to the life ; and great will bo hi 3 displeasure if you do not extol him above Taalbera:, Listz, Joel, or Julien. If you venture to hint that his dulcet melody id the reverse of pleasant, be is in doubt whether to be astonished or indignant, anl marvels bow any human bein<? can dislike his harmonious effusions. OiK-e, and once only, did I rout an .amateur musKTin. He lodged iv the flat below vi3 — for I was a sojourner in Auld Reekie then — and, 0 horror, double, triple horror, began to study music as it is discoursed by the pipe?. Night after night was I driven from my books by bis hideoua catarwaulin^, and threats and entreaties proved alike in vaia. At last it struck ins I might as well study music too ; and, doubting my talent, I selected the easiest instrument I could tank of, namoly, the big drum. For several nights we played against one another, and then he gave -out. He fled from tho place, and my eara beard him no more. A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horsa : o;o ye, ray afflicted friends, and do likewise. Note. — Since writing the above, a T?rench horn ba3 been introduced, in order, I presume, to complete my misery ; but my carpet bag is packed ready for a start to the South Pole, where, I believe, no musical instrument exists ; and I defy Bedlam and all its noises. " ____________„_,_„,