MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYDS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 55, 27 February 1869, Page 5

MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYDS.

BY DIOGEKES THE TOTTS OFI^ ' At an age which varies according to the precocity of the subject, the boy . discovers that he also is a human being. / Increasing stature and growth of down ' upon his cheeks warn him that ho' is i "~"\ past the happy stage of life when I ■ marbles and humming-tops afford amusement. He begins to l&j himself out for the patronage of "grown-up people," and becomes particular in the matter of shirt collars. The love of lolUpops remains, but it is furtively indulged ; and he, in spite of nausea ! and abhorrence, begins to sport a pipe. The female sex is no longer regarded with contempt, but with trembling adoration, and he sighs in secret for some Dulcinea twice his age. His hands are the great torments of his life, being the most inconvenient limbs ever possessed by any one. Ho never knows where to stow them away, and is so anxious to look easy and unconcerned that he is entirely successful in appearing idiotic. He is actually capable of blushing — a fact which almo3t appears inconceivable to me, who have not been troubled in that manner since I left off wearing petticoats. He is immensely anxious to be considered " fast," a reput tion which he imagines he secures by the consumption of penny cigars and finger wine. His love-making is of the most timid description, consisting of looks, sighs, and billet-doux. The latter might possibly bring matters to a crisis, but as he never can summon sufficient courage to forward them to their address, his fair ladye is often ignorant of the baleful effects of her beauty. Some unfortunates carry hobbledehoyhood out of the teens into . the ties. These are "apt to lose the bashfulness, while they retain the awkwardness and spooniness, of their more youthful fellow-sufferers. They are, in fact, apt to imagine their callow wisdom better than the experience or learning of all the rest of mankind, and plume themselves upon their ladykilling powers. The old story of the man who went out to hunt the lion, and who furnished a meal for the royal quadruped, is applicable in such a case, lor the irresistable gallant, the wouldbe Lothario is almost certain to perish by matrimony. The youthful hobbledehoy seldom meets so awful a fate, as Jus shyness keeps Kirn from even making a declaration. He sighs in secret, and is a generous patron of the stationer, where he purchases reams of scented note-paper and numberless " Guides to Courtship and Marriage," " Complete Letter Writers," et hoc genus omne. A rhymning dictionary is an indispenaible portion of his library; and he occasionally bothers Unhappy editors with extraordinary specimens of rhyme and rhythm, which, £- he trusts, " will be allowed a place in - , the poets' corner of your ably-con-ducted," &c, &c, &c. He stands in immense awe of his tailoi*, whom he addresses as " sir," and dares not refuse to wear whatever that high priest cf faabion has pronounced " the thing." - A finger-ring is the summit of his ambition, and, once attained, is exhibited on every occasion. He is fearfully disgusted at being included in the invitations to a children's party, yet lie is boyish enough -to feel amused — a fact whi<sh he Is too much ashamed of to acknowledge. He patronises the industry of Sheffield in the form of razors, but in a furtive manner, aad ■cherishes each morsel of down upon iis face. He studies attitudes before the looking-glass, and practises elegant speeches and poetical compliments ; but his " mauvaise honte " prevents fiese from ever being aired in public. If he dwell in a large town, he is sure to entertain a hopeless passion for the star of the local theatre. He spends his pocket-money in box tickets, and ogles the " dear object " through a lorgnette. He may occasionally fall into bad company, but usually lacks courage to go to the dogs outright. I remember, a good many years ago, as perfect a specimen of hobbledehoyhood as ever I met, naying'a first visit to London, and putting himself under my protection. " I was not very much older than my protegee, but, unfortunately, lacked bis verdant innocence. I trotted him round to the usual sights, and after losing a week or so in this manner, thought I might safely leave him to his own devices. Next day I was walking along the Strand', when I met my worthy, arm in arm with a notorious sharper. My face was comparatively unknown at the time ; so, putting on a puzzled air, I accosted him. " Man, Harry," said I, with a provincial drawl, " I have been looking for yoii a 1 places. Tour feyther's just arrived and is waiting at the hotel for you, so take a cab and be off to see him." He was so flushed by the intelligence that I managed to get him away without letting out anything that might spoil my little game, but not before-he had introduced me to his kind friend Mr. De Courcy. Mr. De Courcy was delighted to make my acquaintance, and invited me to xlo a beer. We adjourned to a bouse in Panton-Btreet, where .we w;ere. joined by a flash-looking individual. , who | commenced sporting about a number. , of notes. De Coiircj and he began, to talk of winning fflpney, and tossed for j drinks, De Courcy proving the, winner., Btflhis was repeated several times, and BP%' was proposed iv toss for pounds ; j * but I was getting rtired, so, rising up, I said, .'JWsll, gentlejnen, you have; >

treated me very kindly, and as I only happen to have a shilling about me I trußt you will take a glass of beer with me." The effect may be more easily imagined than described. Suffice it to say that both vamoosed pretty smartly, leaving me master of the field. I lectured my charge pretty aliarply, and despatched him with all speed to hjs home, firmly resolving never to undertake the charge of a hobbledehoy again.