THE LADIES' COLUMN.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 49, 16 January 1869, Page 6

THE LADIES' COLUMN.

ON MAIDS, WIVES, A.WD WIDOWS. (Continued from g#r last.) 5. Fetch me a crowqui].!; perfume my'intc with rose-water, else I shall, without doubt, disgust the very fine yGung ladies' of whom I am to treat. Feed me on molasses for a month, yet "sEaUrr "notbe able to bring myself to a Satisfactory state of sweet insipidity. •My subject is indeed formed of so delicate a substance, that; trifles to others wouldi be fatal -to her. .Nor is it to be wondered, seeing that she was never known to eat a hearty meal; knowing that she murmurs out,- " 0, what a monstrous appetite I nave : I actually ate- the greater part of an egg for breakfast." It is all very pretty, very ' l ' genteel " — abominable expression of snobbishness — but, alas, my duty as a true historian compels me to take 'some notice of the -private guzzle that enables Miss to show off a well-yhaped hand while trifling with ajejly ftt dinner-time. The sweet, dieaway* eroature, who is thrown into convulsions at the sight of a mouse, who shrinks with horror from the touch o£" ar "-'riasty -common ;digger," has in. her own private plen laid in a stock of 'provisions 'Which would be counted ample for a grenadier. Although the -dear tender- thing cannot exert herself sufficiently to s£eak above a whisper when atiy of thdmale sex are by, her sister.* and intimates could tell how accomplished a scold is the affected ybuun lady. She is afflicted with an etenul eoid if asked to sing, but consents to try when she observes people are abouc to desist pressing her. She has a great contempt for the lower orders, and measures a man's worth by the quality of his coat. She dresses abow. her station, and copies her manners irom the heroine of" a fashionable novd. She is above being useful, and is decidedly not ornamental ; in fact, is a mtrre excrese'fiqe, — a kind of stop1 gap in fc'ie ecdnomy of nature. 6- 'The determined husband hunter is uJ/ as Milton's Sin, and quite as amorous as her prototype. With a perseverance worthy of success, she pursues everything bearing the faintest resemblance to masculine humanity; but u.it ure has condemned her efforts to be tutilo. She is a veritable chameleon, and changes her tactics to suit the she has in view. From tract distributing to croquet playing, nothing conies amiss to her if it only lead to the desired haven of matrimony. She treats a compliment as a serious overture.' much to the disgust of the over polite unfortunate. Her hatred for the rest of her sex is cordial in the extreme. Heaven pity the unfortunate back&lider whose failings she has to discuss ; yet her own virtue is of necessity, not of choice. Should her efforts ever be crowned with success, and some* utllucky -wight trapped in her snare, he is ensured a miserable future. Her maid servant will only be surpassed in ugliness by herself ; and woe betide her husband if he praise a pretty woman. But it is seldom she runs down her game ; and when the pursuit becomes evidently hopeless^ she generally becomes, a warm advocate of celibacy, and an an avowed man-hater. She is astonished that women would ever countenance so rude and uncouth an animal as a male, and talks much of the havoc her beauty caused long years ago. She hints darkly to the rising generation that "their poor father never got over his disappointment," and patronises them .in a compassionate manners the husband hunter can hardly be oalled r. , y in fact, rather the opposite creature is'^^tim literature.. y-yFT; she [_,

The cruelty and d?eit of men are her favourite themes,with special reference to her youri nobleman, who she firmly believes ws transformed into a tailor by some ficked legerdemain. She becomes iijre and more of a nuisance as yoardrag on, until men begin to enquir why no legislator ever proposed je rigid seclusion of women past a fertain age. Of the higher class EJ. less is to be said. She is of cour) an admirer of the wishy-washy Beraeiattality of Tennyson, and "doteslupon " Leila Eookh." At the preßent[ay, her fancy is for young curateslwitb. pale faces and ritualistic tenmces. A few years ago, when " Jie Eyre " was in its first tide of poilarity, elderly gentlemen of disrepuple. character were at a premium; id before that, Lord Lytton had alpst made burglary or theft a fashidable accomplishment. Such is the jmantic creature, and with her I collude my study of unmarried femall All may be assigned to one or othepf the classes treated, although so ffe are the divisions in any case, thatfc is hard to discriminate with anylsrtainty. Next week I shall enter o| a more difficult field of study, and qcourse upon " Men's Wives." I Dioenes the Younger. (To