THE LADIES' COLUMN.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue II, 2 January 1869, Page 6

THE LADIES' COLUMN.

" ON MAIDS, WIVES, AJTD WIDOWS. As a student of human nature, I have naturally paid some attention to that portion of creation known as the fair sex. " Scratch the Euss and you will find the Tartar," is a proverb pointing out a very excellent and minute form of examination; but were I to have attempted anything in this style in my investigation of female foibles, I might not only have found, but caught a Tartar. It is almost needless, then, to state that my observations have been made at a safe and respectful distance. No ten men have ever proved a match for a single woman, and this arises, not from the depth, but tho shallowness of her nature. Men, unless they are " swells " or "haw-haws," who are to be referred to the monkey and missing-link tribe, have an amount of intensity which leads them to search for motives and to judge character by an endeavor to penetrate the concealed springs of action. But in women everything is on the surface; for although, as in painting, the light and shadow may be made to counterfeit great abysses, yet, in fact, a man in a contest with one of the other sex overreaches himself by being the more profound and powerful of the two. We find in many of the lower animals an amount of cunning denied to those of a nobler rank : and women arc similai'ly gifted. It is impossible to reason on such a gift;, as absurd indeed as to syllogise on tho gambols of a kitten. We can only smile, and continue to be deceived. Maidens, of whom I first shall treat, are to wives and widows what green pease are to pulse. They are softer and more pleasant, and much more easily managed. One girl does not. differ much from another, save in the colour of her eyes and hair, and insipidity is the prominent characteristic of all. But while generically alike, there are a few distinctions, leading to the following clasification —

1. The Hoyilcn 2. 'J he model 3 oung ludy 3. The fast young lady 4. The superior young woman 5. 'i he affected miss 6. The determined husband-hunter 7. The romantic creature 1. The hoyden, is either very young or slightly antiquated. Her rompish-

nes3 either springs from high spirits and a recent devotion io the skippingrope and doll, or is assumed as a hus-band-hunting artifice. For the secur-

ing of a mate is the real aim of all the sex: like Nimrod, they are mighty hunters, and their game is man. 1 have often watched with, amusement the frolics of a sweet young thing of thirty-five, who had tried every course to" matrimony in vain, and who, as a dernier resort, was endeavoring to pass for a charming hoyden. I have seen the little dear, heedless of rheumatic risks, pelting boys who almost might have been her sons, with roses, and gamboling about with all tho innocence of a lambkin, or rather of a fox clad in a lambkin's fleece. "Were this specimen of young ladyism not ridiculous she would be disgusting. As it is let me dismiss her with a rude paraphrase from Martial ;— Phillis, wl.oss bills will call a frown O» every barber* fjice i.i town j Her tresses boa-.ts, this right I own, For what she buys is sure her ov.n. 2. The model young lady has been broken-in by backboards and continual repetition of the "prunes and prisms" formula, to a state of habitual lollipopism. It is this sweet thing who says "how nice," and who is "charmed" with everything from a new l^net to tVifi cn,ta/rn,ct of Niagara. Her mrMh^ii

careful o' widders all your life, Sammy." A more striking conjugal drama took place before the Tribunal of the Q-ironde. Fourcade married against the advice of his parents, and after a little time found their predictions verified, that his married life would be a hill. His \vifc neglected every household duty, and passed her time studying the literature of the fashions, cutting up and altering her dresses, and finishing by cutting them all away. Now this was what "no fellah could understand." Angry words ensued, Madame left her husband's roof, bringing with her the baby. The husband immediately stopped the supplier, and was summoned before the court to explain, &c. In presence of the magistrates he went up to his wife, talked to her appai ently very friendly, and then pulled out a knife and struck her two blows in the breast. For this assault he has been condemned to one year's imprisonment.