FACETE

Tuapeka Times, Volume 42, Issue I, 28 November 1868, Page 5

F A C E TET E

- New Xamof or a Fog.— The air apparent. "What portions of the body are the best ravejlera ?? — r j?ha two wrists. "' An epitaph on a negro baby at Savannah. Jommehces, " Sweet, blighted lily." ~y?hy are a pin and a poker like a blind maiK] — Because they have a head and no eyes. N "TopV o f the Profession. — That of a barberAhis poll ;- that of a singer — his) luimmingsfcop ; that of a tailor — his pegbops ; tiiaftjf a gardener — Ms turnip-tops. A New Gleans jury declared a man. to have come to\i 3 death by "an unknl^n < part.'? AboutWa par with 'this Vine Philadelphia y&dicjk r<rT'~£"*?' 11^ ma n who had beeivcrnVe« to death in & «»m, ijh^tjj^^fy remarked " No blame can ps atti^ched to the machinery." Sea-Sickness. — A clergyman who went i a Pacific steamer, and was sea-sick, hu3 describes his sensations : — " The first Lour I felt as if I -wanted to go ashore ; lie seqond hour I felt as if I should die ; he ' third hour I didn't care whether died op not; the fourth hour I was afraid shouldn't die." A steamer was going down the Hudson, pith a deck load of pig lead. As she was teaming near a shallow place, the' piioi ;ave the signal for the man forward to hrow the" lead. It happened that the nly man forward "was a green Irishman. ! Why don't you throw the lead ? " . ' " Is .. „ . ; the lead you want to throw," yer honor? And faith where will I be throwing it ? " X*i Qver-bbard, you scoundrel ! " Pat acpordingly took up a pig of lead, and threw it overboard, and the mate, in endeavoring to prevent him, lost his balance, and fell into the river. The captain ran forward on the hurricane deck, and* asked Pit why ho did not " throw the lead and sing out how much water there was?" f Och, 'pon my soul, captain, I throwed the lead, and the mate has gone down to • Bee how much water there is." " Disappointment,— The "Journal de JlQuen" killed a lady recently, and the editor" had a yisit from the bereaved husband ' '• Villain!" cried the bereaved husband, " you have killed my wife ! " Editor, with dignity : " Monsieur, I am an editor, not a doctor." " That's just it," cried the bereaved husband ; " you jiave killed her on paper, and she is alive." *'If she's not dead I congratulate you sincerely." " Congratulate !* I demand damages for the disappointment. 17 4 'Spiking The Most Of Royalty. A Bale paper states that the keepgr of the buffet at the railway-station 1 charged queen Vicioyia and suite of thirty persona 700 francs for a breakfast pf c.qijee,eggs, and cold meat, being a,t the "rate of twenty-three francs a head. The Bale people are " very indignant at this extortion, but the restaurateur would probably justify himself as the English Innkeeper did whq present- . tid George 111 with a bill of one guinea for a slice of bread and one egg. The king while paying the money, observed that pggs must be very scarce in that part of the country. "No your majesty" was the reply, "eggs are plentiful enough, but |mg3? visits are rare. 3 ? " "" : J ■A tale is fold of a certain tombaetic p©lonel\7ho was once riding on 4 stage fpach,- with sevetal other passengers^, \ when he accidentally dropped his hat put ?ts e co^ch window, when he exclaimed .- 4 in» stentorian voice, "Charioteer, pause \ 4 Javo lost my chapeaif.'l ;Ths driver P*w no heed io the demand Again the •pmbastio fellow authoritatively apojre, , "vTw*rtee& pause Vl have lost my gWW 1 Po attention being paid %7% 7 tfte oriTOr'to his last command, a plain, Wunt man who had become disgusted with tub l ellow-'traveller's silliness ' and v ■>. pomposity, n U t his head out of the window *Jn4 said, /Driver, hold on; ttiisfroi &£ -t 3 ? h f T^ was Perfectly Jn. * HwUf to iheiri TO r, expletive and all. Vfi ft? W 3 eecur^, f - * " '