ORIGINAL TALE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 37, 24 October 1868, Page 6

ORIGINAL TALE.

ANAWFUL-L'kVR. Most,, people havo. encountered, at some'pe'ricrd "of their exiMfeuce, *ptrsons with whom mendacity had become a confirmed habit. I propose to occupy ,at column or. so of %> /' Tuapcka Times " with aiu account of such l& character, whose marvellous powers of fiction far exceeded those of the famous Baron' Munclmuson, or Mdrryatfc's fibbing captain. William Laurie was, when ! I firmt met him, apparently about forty years of age; but as according to his own account ho had spent thirty yo:iva -among' South Sea-canni-bals — ho used to declare stowed baby with oyster snuco tho'rtc phis "ultra of .cookery — twenty-fivo jcars among Malay pirates, mid ten years at the North Pole, not to mention the time consumed in over a hundred voyages to all known and a good many unknown parts " of the world, I suspect ho was a t riilo older t utm ho soemod to bo. Perils by land and perils by sea wore not the only ones which "William had to encounter: ghosts and goblins in vain endeavoured to daunt him. They moped and mowed at him from every sioe; toro at him, howled nt ■him, and used every engine that diabolical ingenuity could invent without onco o.iuping Laurie a pinglo terror. ! Only on one occasion did ho got into a [ serious fix, end his adversary then wns no lcrs Man "Old Horm'e " ' himself. A house had long been hauntod, and although bell, book, and candle had been used, tho goblins obstinately refused to take a "trip to the Red Wea. "William offered iua sorviccs, end armed with" a meal bag, encountered, and put to iligbt the goblin horde. Ho received a handsomo reward, and shouldering his bag. started off .on his journey. But there was evidently something wrong with the sack; it wriggled up and doAvn, and flapped about his ears, nnd altogether conducted itself very unlike, a respectable meal-pock. "Irritated at such conduct, William rashly exclaimed, " Devil take me and devil take tho' bag." " Done with you, Billy, my boy," replied a voice from the interior of tho sack, and Laurie saw that the old enemy had him in a tight place. His situation was serious. Most people havo at times had a pretty hard struggle to keep his Satanic Majesty out of their pockets, but few havo ever been burdened with Beelzebub in a bag. "William thought he had best get rid of his eucumberauce, and accordingly fiung it into a- deep river. Of its own accord the bag returned to hisshoulders, and a chuckling voice assured him that his company was too -pleasant to te so easily dispensed with. Ha placed the .sack unde.r a. steam hammer, and got beaten black and blue for his pains. He thrust it into a furnr.ee, and got badly burnocL To an ordinary mortal the ■ case would have seemed hopeless ; but our hero was amaa of resources. He wpnt and took lodgings with a scold. The devil endured it for a week," and then fled away, declaring that after all there were worse places than the Bottomless Pit. But if Laurie were great as an exorcist, his skill as a physician was greater. Some of his surgical operations would, I suspect, have puzzled Cline or Sir Astley Cooper. ■ On one occasion his skill stood him in good stead. Ho and a' companion were trunming different sides of a hedge one frosty evening, when an unlucky stroke of William's bill-hook struck off his comrade's head. With that promptitude which always characterises genius' he seized the fallen eaput .and placed it iv its proper position. In a few minutes the frost had fixed it firmly in its place, and the operation was a gr?.nd success. Our. hero t and his mate went home together,, and after a hearty supper saf down, by the fireside. The patient had, owing to the exposure of the interior of his skull to the wind, caught a severe cold/ and found it necessary to blow his nose. Handkerchief he had none, so he adopted the rustic method of thumb and finger, and to the amazement of all beholders chucked his head, into the hottest part of the fire. After that physicians' skill proved in rain. ,My readers will after this be no doubt willing- to acknowledge Laurie's skill as\a shot — with the long-bow ; but; he was equally so vrith more, deadly weapons. Perhaps hi 3 most marvellous feat was shooting a flock of fifty wild geese with a single bullet. " Those ,bird 3 always fly in a line,_and William aimed at the | mouth of the leader. The bullet struck its mark, and passing through the bodies of each one, traversed the line till it dropped out at the tail of the hindmost^ To recount all my hero's travelling adventures would require a tenth edition- of the '" Encyclopaedia Britannica; " -my limited space will only permit "a* single instance. Wiilkin shipped as A.B. on board a ship bound from Glasgow _to Port Chalmers, which was struck by a squall in the Doldrums, and heeled over and suak. Our hero, when he saw the turn matfers bad taken,. made a rush for the pantry and shut himself in. His place of refuge was fortunately waterI tigfrb, .and as long as grog and grub held out he vras quite contended with his submarine residence. Empty lockers at the end of a month warned him to skstt his quarters, He watched

his fiance through thq porj>hqle, and observing a large fish passing by, lie opened tlid Vindbw and clutched hold of its tail. Tho frightened croaturo soon dragged him to tho surface, and a passing ship released him from his perilous position. My spaco will not permit of more instances of Laurie's powers of hatchot throwing ; it must, however, bo regretted that such powers of improbablo fiction should not obtain for their owner as high a position as M. E. Braddon or Ouida.