ORIGINAL POETRY.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 32, 19 September 1868, Page 5

ORIGINAL POETRY.

CATCH HIM WHO CAN. Oar noble Police have been riding about In search, of & gentleman lately let out From a Government mansion where merit and ckili Are bedded and boarded without any bill. They found diity roads and a diitier track, A few empty bottles— remains of a "snack ;" They found out a miner who wanted a "head ;" And they found nn hotel, aud were carried to bed; But they didn't find Mr. Conroy. The found a yomg lady who wanted to wed, And they found out bis cauu.) and a few crumbs of bread, Which Conroy, the sated, in oarelessness left, And these they arrested as products of theft. They were twenty yavds off, but it beat all the force After so many nobblers to get off a Horse. They found a few cows and a good many sheep, And returned to the tavern in triumph to sleep, Without having captured Conroy. Constable X 95 "information received" Which few people here would have quickly believed, That Conroy, the thieving and scandalous loon, To avoid being captured had gone to the moon. But whether 'tis so, tho' the scents fresh and hot, Our friends would hunt better if minus a "tot," They must sharpen their eye-teeth and let their beards grow, Ere Conroy the matchless is quodded I tiw. Good advice, my friends, is not thrown away, For the bobbies at last have captured their prey. Tb,ey let brandy alone, and drunk nothing but tea, And the noble result you will presently see. So much they improved in the gieat art of trapping, [napping That on famed Maungatua they caught Conroy Let us hope that in futuie they'll follow this course, And be not only the active but teetotal force. Waipori, 16th September, ISO 3.

Ui-hop Mi-auV, of Virginia, ones wiid— " Our girls ate pooHy educated, but our boj* will never find it out." Biuotry, or Wml ?— " Missus, mother p.-iy.« cm she get your pot to cook squib moat in ?" •' No ii'.s Lent." Natural Enough. — Gilt-raft was a shoemilker before he beaune hangman. In omMMiae we prefer his "iust" enipluyineut 'o the other. A Xew York piper thus henids (he nn|)r.>!ieh ol summer:-" Persons short o( cv.-li liuve. hi ready commenced p.muiu^ the-ir over • 0.i15." " I've got a lienneiy" (Meaning a hen-house), htely sii.l v great Inly to her cous.n. '"Dem me,'' slid I lie cousin, '"I thought his name wup Charles.. "My Dear,' 1 said a rur.il wife to her busban.!, on his return from town, " wli >t «»> the sweetest i hi ig you s-i«y in bom.c.3 ia th< City?" " The Indies' faces, my love." An Amerienn piper s.iys — Winleu at thLolfico, an editor wlio cm *>lca*e everybody AI'O, a foreman who can so arrange Hie pupoi as (o allow every man's advertisement to lv ad the column. t Young Ad leiv. -A B >sfon teacher, who in ii fi; of v t x.itidi c.ille I her pupils a set ol \oiiiig alders, mi beinjr repr.iva I for her language, apologised by saying that sho «us *p<ukn i g tolhosojiist couuiieiiciiu arithmetic Questions for tlin Scientific. — D.ies ihe w in* 1 chip "round" in the arctic circle? What mid is used i'ur tlis-o'ufc'ou of p-irtner-B lnp ? Is v g ilvjinic shock indecorous ? Are there any arrows for v raLibo-v ?— " .American i'uper." An American remarked, with regard to seimons of more than a certain length, tlmt if a preacher could'nt "str.k ile" in twenM minutes, it was a sign he was either bo;in» with a wrong gimlet, or didn't know how to use it ' A grocer at ' Albany had, for his viilues, obtained the name oi' the '' Liltle Ri«cal " A stranger asked him why this appe.lation nagiven him. "To distinguish me from the res; ofmy truJe," qujth he, " who are all great r.i Seals." Two prisoners were lately acquitted of a ihelt. The Lord (Jbi. f Jus:iee told them j not to come there again, or they might not be .»o loi'fuimte. One of ihe prisoners said 'No, my loid, we si.ould not have come now if we hail not been brought." In the course of a trial of an engine-driver at the Gloucester ssizes, on a ch nge of manslaughter, of which lie was ucquitted. the co«n.-el for the d -fence incidentally gim»n easy rule for remembering and distinguishing railway signals : — Wnite for •' right," red lor " wrong." and green for " gently go along." '•There v ere some things in your sermon to-diiy," Lord Normuuby said to one of his chaplains', " which I never heard l.efore." The ilergyin.'in was fluttered, and was curious to luiQw what they were. "Sir," said his lordship, *■ dvi ing your sermon I heard the ■ lock stnke twice." A Hoax. — Certain idiots, who appear to h ive. not him; bettor to. do than to spend their time in attempting to hoax the pres*, have -uceeeded in palming oCf the .fojlownii; marriage announcement, upon the " Court Jonr-i-al" :— 'M*rriige in ijisih Life. — AJr. Peter Borlhwick, of the 79' li Highluiders, is about to lea 1 to tho hymeneal altar the charming Countws Ca.-ksvisky." (Cask of whisky.) ' Kggs— Should any of your readers wsh to keep fowls only for their egsrs and not for bircdnig, they should get half-a-dozen pullets or y<.uiii» hens (not more than two years old), and keep them wi hou* a male bird, feedingthem liberally with gmin and soft, vegetable fnod, and they wi'l jjec mmy more eggs Minn if they were ki-pt. «ith amain bird, and those' ejia? will keep fresh nearly twice us lonsj. If •the egijs (tho sooner after beingJaid the better) arc-slightly rubbed with sweet butter, they will. bo uituble after being kept a month or six weeus; but avoid rubbing eggs with anything not perfeotly sweet.