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Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 22, 11 July 1868, Page 5

"Good blood will show itself," as the old lady sa^d when she wa.a struck with the redness of her nose^ An anti-toJbaeco.lecturer spoke so powerfully against the use of tobacco, that several of hib audience went home and burned their cigars —holding one end oj them in. their mouths— by way of punishment. "Tom, why did you not marry Lucy?" " Oh, she had a sort of hesitation in her speech, and so I left har." A hesitation in her speech ! I never heard of that before. Are you not mistaken ?'* " No, not at all ; for when I a«ked her if she would have me, she hesitated to say yes,, and — so X cut her for another girl,*' " John," said a gentleman to hits servant, " I am. going to church ; and if it ahpuld rain, I wish you to come with the umbrella for me; however, you need nat come unless it should rain downright." The gentleman went. $i did rain ; but tfohn had gone to the other end of the town to see Mary. His master came home with drenohed garments, and a look of implacable anger. " John," he said, " why didn't you bring the umbrella ?" " Because) sir," replied John, " it rained slanting." Anecdote of the Late L.ord C&ancelloji. — There is in the House of Commons a certain noble lord whose name- it will be better not to mention, but who hue, somewhat recently appeared in the, to him, new character of lawmaker. This, noble lord met at a dinner party, a few weeks ago x a great l< -eity man;*' whose transactions in stock amount yearly to a fabulous stun. The young legislator began to talk in the city man's hearing oJf Cabinet secrets, and to do so with a very great assumption of knowledge on the subject. " Talk of Cabinet secrets," at last cried Mr. Consul, "There's one secret— the secret of a Cabinet Minister too — that I should uncommonly like 1o know.. It would be worth £3,000 to rue if I knew what judgment Lord Chelmsford would give to-morrow in the case of ' Bloxham and the Metropolitan Railway.'" "Five thousand pounds !" cried his aristocratic neighbor, who is as poor as aiiy lord need wish to be ; " Do you mean to say you would give £5,000 to any one who could tell you what old Cheimsford's judgment will be?" "Yes; indeed I should," replied the other. "Then, by Jove, I'll fin-d out and tell you." "Do so," said the city man, witli a laugh, as he wenfc on with his soup. That very night? when the tired merchant in his Bayswrnter palace was wooing gentle sleep, quite forgetful of his con versitiun with this yomig sprig of the nobility, he was aroused by a summons at liis bedroom door. His servant, on being admitted, told him that Lord 's valet was below with a message for him. " Show him up," said Mr. Consul, in wonder as to what it all meant. Enter the valet, who speaks as follows :— " Beg yoivr pardon for disturbing you, sir, but my lord sent me with a note to Lord Cheimsford's, and said I was to bring the answer to you. I took the note, sir, and Lord Chelmsford told me to say there was no answer!" The story is a strange onej but it is true nevertheless. — "Leeds Mercury." We cull the following "Advertisement" from the pen of " Josh Billings," ihe George Robins of America : -''I kan sell for eighteen hundred and thirty-nine dollars, a pallas, a sweet and pensive retirement, lokated on the .virgin banks ov the Hudson, kontaining 85 acres. The land is luxuriously divided by the hand ov natur and art, into pastor and tillage, into plain and deklivity, into stern ! abruptness and the dalliance ov mo^t-tufted medder ; streams of sparkling gladness (thick witk trout) danse through this wilderness of bu.ty, tew the low musipk of the kricket an.t grasshopper. The evergreen sighs az the evening zephir flits through its sha'io.vy buzzum, and the aspen trembles like the luvsmitten haHe of a damsell. Fruits of the tropicks, in golden buty, melt on the boughs, and the bees go heavy and sweet from the fields to their garnering hives Tae stables are worthy of the stei-ds of Nunrod or the stud of Akilles, and the hen cry was bill expressly for the birds of paraJiee ; while somber in the distance, like the cave of a hermit, glimpses, are caught of. th<e dorg-. house. H,ere poets have come and warbled their laze, heje sculptors, have cur, here painters haxe robbed the scene ov dreamy landscapes, and here the philosopher dis- ; covered the stun which mnde him the alkimjsfc of natur As the young moon hangs like a cutting of silver from the blu breast of the ski, an angel may be seen each night danaing with golden tiptoes on the green. /^.B. —This, angel goes with the place.)" " My dear, what makes you always yawn ?" The wife exclaimed, her temper none, Is home so dull nnd dreary ? " "Not so, my love," he said, " not so ; But man and wife-are one, you know j. And when alone I'm weary."