MISCELLANEOUS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 20, 27 June 1868, Page 5

MISCELLANEOUS.

Beauty, h'ke truth, never is so glorious as when it goes the pla :% ies!\ Scolding, says a good-for-nothing old bach* elor, is| the pepper of matr'mony, and the ladies are the pepper-boxes. A lady being ask-d why she did not use medicated Boap, rep'ied that she got plenty of soft soap from her beau, and that always put color in her cheeks. A Rhode Islpnd newspaper prints the fol* lowing among its mairiage notices: — "In Thompson, Cfc., November 20th, by the Rev. L. W. Blood, Rul'us Briggs, to Sarah L» Greenleaf, of Aubu-n, Mass., after a long and ted'ous courtship of five years." An Old Coat.— The Providence " Press '» (United States) says: "There is a man of our acquaintance living iv this city, who has been married thirty-four years, and haß still his wedding Buit, which he has worn every Sun* day since, and it is stf'l in good condition for Sunday wear. He has worn it in ell seventeen hundred and siily-eight days. Poetical. — "Oh, tell me where is fancy bred P " At West Bromw Ich, where fourteen j individuaishave been fiaedfor Be' i; ng bread to the poor without weighing it, and which the bakers claimed to come under the definition of " fancy bred." The magistrate " fancied " it didn't, as it cannot be called "fancy" when you pay for a lh ; ng and don't get it. The Smith Family. — One moi />**"g a pom* pous little man called upon Sydney Smith, saying that, be ; ng about to comp'le a b»9tory of (HstingiPbhed fom'ites in Somorsefsb>re,-Jie had called to obtain the Smith Aims. "lH» »ret, sir," said the reverend wit, " my mab :1 * ity to contribute to so valuable a work; but the Smith's never had any ai.ns, and have Mivariably seo'ed their letters with their thi'mbs." When the cholera was in the 6outh of Eu* rope, a native of Hungary heard that in a cor* taia virago it attacked only men. Hoping to escape the d<sed,?e, he disguised hi'nse'f aa a female with the utmo3t care and secrecy, and went to lire in the favored vi'lage. Soon after b ; s arrival, he was, however, attacked with the worst s- mptoms of the disease, and in his agony eicla'tned, "Alna, alas! who could have belrayed my sex P " A Borister Fo :l ed.— " Sir," said a fierce lawer, " do you, on you*- solemn oath, declare this is not you'- handwriting?" "I reckon not," was the cold reply. " Does it resemble your handwriting?" "Yes, si", I tb<nk it don't." "Do you swear that it don't re* Bemble your handwil'ngP" "Weil, I do, old head." "You take you* solemn oath that this Wiiting does not resemble yours in a single letter P " " Y-e-a-s, sk" " Now, how do you k iow P " " Cause I can't write." What a Lover wou'd do. — "itnelia, for thee— yes, at thy command, I'd tpar the eter* nal firmament into a thousand fragments ; I'd gather the stars one by one as they tumble from the regions of >ethereal space, and put them in my trovers' pocket; I'd pick the sin, that oriental god of day that traverses the blue arch of heaven in such majestic splendour— l'd tear him from the eky, and quenoh its bright effulgence in the fountain of my eternal love for thee." Amelia : " Don't HeDry, it would be so very da-k" A Mistake. — Charles to the alter led the I lovely Jane, and to her father's house returned again, where, to convey them on the ; * wedding tour, a 1 ready stood a brilliant coach and foi"*. When, 10l the gathering showers at once descended, clouds and warring winds contended ; this moves him not, but in he hands his bride, end seats himself enraptured by her side $ nhen thus, to cheer the fair one he begun : " I hope we soon shall have a little sun." But she, to whom the weather gave no pain, who heeded not the blast nor patterng rain, but most about her future state bethought her, replied, "My dear, I'd rather have a daughter." "I say, boy, did yon see a dog come by here that looked as if he were a year, or a year and a half, or two years old ; with a spot on its back about the size of a dollar, or a dollar and a half, or two dollars?" said » Yankee to a boy the other day. " Guess I did," said the boy, thinking himself quizzed, " see a dog about a year, or a year and a half, or two years old ; with a spot on his back 'boat the size of a dollar, or a dollar and a half, or two dollars. He passed by 'bout an hour, or an hour and a half, or two hours ago; and is now a mile, or a mile and a half, or two miles ahead ; and he had a tail aboutjuwich, or an inch and a half, or two inch^Jßng." "That'll do," said the Yankee j "I^eckon you're into me a feet, or, a feet anda^^ttflj two feet." \ .^jfljj^^^H