BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18055, 15 January 1927, Page 1

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). That storf this morning of a Raeburn in a dustbin reminds me. Some time ago I saw a dirty and dilapidated old painting in an auction room. > bought it for a couple of bob, and. thinking that it quite valueless, took it to an art expert for Judgment. Strange to say, he agreed with me. « The Heathcote County. Council points out to the Health Officer that it advertises two or three times a year regarding the rat nuisance, which it not so bad in the county. But then an efficient rat has no time to read advertisements. jj The Soccer people can’t receive a Czecho-Slovakian team this year, so the Czechs are* czeched. I stippose. We hear a * lot *about the Chinese wanting the Concessions, but probably not one per cent of the population ever heard of them. It reminds me of a yarn told of the lurks. During the long negotiations for peace, a message reached Constantinople: “Turkev granted moratorium, and the whole city went delirious with joy at the inclusion of the important economic city of Moratorium being added to the Turkish possessions. « The raffling of the case of whisky at Methven was; the piece de resistance this morning, all right, and it was necessary to summarise the views of the boys on the subject. The chief sub. (hard man) remarked that a case of whisky for a bob was a gift rather than a raffle, and he thought the winner was Green to part with it at the Price (£6). The "case of comforts,” said the chief reader, would after all not reach the poorer people as it would go to the “heads.” “The wages of gin is breath.” said, a cadet reporter. “Mr Walkers Price for whisky is £ls a case.” The reviser was tickled to death with the idea of “liquidating the debt” on the church. The advertising clerk thinks it may all be a subtle plan to boost a particular brand of whisky. The cable-sub. burst into verse:— A handsome young cleric named Price Once raffled some whisky, so nice, He was jolly near shot in For boosting sly spottin’. And it cost him a lump for the vice. The one word that does not describe the incident is Priceless. And finally the reviser thought of this one: An Ashburton fellow named Doak The wrath of the police did invoak You see you can’t trust a Tarpaulin muster. If £ls is the price of the joak. And as for those who dealt with the case of whisky, it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. And after all, the reverend Father may lead more Mount Somers people to repentance by selling them whisky than by any other means. k Mollie and Freddy had been to a party and were just leaving. “ Good-bye,” said Mollie to the hostess, “ Mother says we’ve enjoyed ourselves very much, thank you.” » « ' T alking of whisky recalls the story of the brothers at Methven who had a bottle given them on Christmas Eve and decided to kecp # it to usher in the New Year. On the Saturday night one brother came home and found the other in bed. apparently asleep, and he commenced io grope around in the dark for the bottle of whisky. Suddenly his brother woke up and said. “ What are you looking for, Tom?” “Oh. nothing,” he replied. Right,” said the other, “ you'll find it in the bottle. .' She was a talkative, fussy woman, and announced that she would pay; and all the time wondering aloud where she could have put it, she made several attempts to find her purse—which was somewhere in her bag, while the conductor waited with outstretched palm. Her companion, a quiet-looking creature, got tired of the performance and leaning over to her said: “Let’s go halves in this, Mrs Johnson. You fumble and I’ll pav.” 3* k “ Didn’t you receive my last letter? ” “Oh yes, but sorry I couldn’t read it.” 1 Oh,’ —angrily—“ have you tried playing it on the piano.” :*: A Montreal message states:—"We understand New Zealand is the happiest couny-y- in the world, and we know women helped to make it so,” said Miss Idola St Jean, who headed a committee of men and women who are leading the campaign in Quebec for women’s suffrage, when received to-day by Mr Coates. Idola St Jean, Do 3 r ou really mean, That we are the happiest on earth? If it was a guess— Nothing more, nothing less You have added a bit to our mirth. Not the happiest, dear, Most indebted, I fear. Is our record—it’s hard, but it’s true— But if it should be You are coming to see, I’d adore an Idola like you. a a At an infant’s school the teacher told the children to play at imitating animals. They were soon busy, but little Johnny sat quietly in a corner. The teacher, thinking he was not well, said: “Now, Johnny, whv don’t you play?” “Ilush,” said Johnny, “I’m a hen laying an egg.”