BRIEF MENTIONS

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 232, 21 February 1885, Page 12

BRIEF MENTIONS

A Lively Corpse. — A deadhead. Mongonui is suffering from burglo-mania. A pearl without price — One that is smashed. Sir Edmund Buckley, ex-M.P. for New-castle-on-Tyne, is on a visit to Auckland. He leaves for the Lake country on Monday. Colonel Bowlby, an Indian officer on iurlough, is staying here, en route for the Hot Lakes. Mr T. K. Froctor, the famous oculist and optician, is now in Auckland. His advertisement will appear in our next. It was received too late for insertion in this issue. Old Pursy (at the parlour door) : " Young man, do you see the motion of that boot ?" Young Percy (on the sofa) : "I do." "Well, that's a motion to adjourn." And he adjourned before the motion was seconded. Pothouse politicians declare that Sir Julius Vogel's address was rather a " stagy " affair, and that he only spoke for the purof "sitting" upon Sir George Grey and his pet supporters. There are as many stinks in Auckland a there are in Cologne. Where is the nose of the Inspector of Nuisances ? If he would take a turn roiind some of the back premises of our pubs — well, a bed of rosemary is j nothing to it ! Free railway passes must be scarce fin Ireland. A candidate for an important constituency regretted that he could not pay it a personal visit for lack of means to convey himself and carpet bag to the scene of action. The Honourable Mr Stuart, Premier *of New South Wales, who has arrived in New Zealand, and is making a tour therein for the restoration of his health, is a brother of the Bishop of Waipu. Both are natives of Edinburgh. A iJrospectus, printed on blue paper, is in circulation about the_ town, intimating that there will' shortly be published a temperance "bulletin extraordinary, illustrated with cartoons, etc. Judging from its contents, the publicans are to be completely slaughtered. The publication will bear the appropriate title Of" The Bit o' Blue."; At a musical soiree a lady, after executing an interminable piano solo, faints dead away.. A gentleman, with great promptitude, seizes a glass of water and administers a few doses to. the lady, who revives. Then, with the compassionate cry, "Now for the other sufferer !" he pours the remainder of the water into the piano. Cardinal McCabe, whose death is recently announced, was the son of a journalist and author, Mr Bernard McCabe, who first displayed his power as a writer of the first water in the editorial sanctum of the Dublin Nation, in conjunction with Mr J. J. Mahony. The late Cardinal is distantly related and was godfather to Mr William Mahony, of this city. . , It is , whispered that the Free Press will be incorporated with the " Freeman's Bungle ' ■ (we mean "Journal") What a mixture! ■Brimstone, fire, salvation, etc. — heaven, purgatory, priestcraft and vitrol. It is only a painter that, could grapple with the situation. . Auckland is full of lawyers and commission agents. . How the devil they all eke out an existence is a conundrum. Every other young snob one meets in this city boasts of being a member of the law, and as for commission agents, well, they're just that thick that they are beginning to sniell. The Queen has made it a condition of her consent to the marriage of the Princess Beatrice with Prince Henry of Battenberg, that the young people shall live with her six months in the year. . How many men are there who would consent to take a wife _ trammelled with such a stipulation as this. , Fancy half one's time being saddled with the ' perpetual presence of one's mother-in-law. The Hot Lakes is now becoming a fashionable resort for barmaids who leave their bloated employers 12s 6d in the £. One' f airy 7 like nymph of the bar says she played Sir Jtilius "penny nap" while doing the springs, mashed a gentleman tourist, made a lady jealous of her husband, spooned with the landlord, and came away privileged, ■without the trip costing her a penny. 0^ Public-house living in Auckland is just (getting worse and worse. .Numerous com- ! plaints reach us of the poor accomodation our hotels afford. One correspondent relates how he asked the impudent waiteress to give liirn a cup of tea (after partaking of a most miserable dinner), for which she demanded sixpence. It certainly was rather rough to ask a boarder for payment, but then the girl must have 'received orders to that effect. Drink more beer. - An individual at Te Awamutu wandered into the Anglican church the other day. A harvest festival was going to be celebrated, and, greatly to the scandal of the congregation, he trotted round inspecting the vegetable decorations with great apparent interest, amusing himself while so doing by "< shooting an occasional paper pellet at any : '-< object; animate or inanimate, which attracted his attention. Being remonstrated .'..,., -withy-i' -arid') politely conducted out. of the r^bfftMng^ ..he expressed hinaself as much s j9|gu|j;ed ci a ; 6"not "being allowed to" complete ;"t ; 'J?na^aik round what he took for a Pumpkin

First coroner's juryman : "This body was fished out of the river,. wasn't it ?" Second juryman: "Yes, and look! there is a big bullet-hole in his head." Third juryman: "That's so. A big hole like that would let in a good deal of water, wouldn't it ?" Fourth juryman: "Yes; it would let in about a pint easily." First juryman: "The case is clear, gentleman. The man died of ' water on the brain.' " Verdict in accordance. " No, George, our engagement must be broken. ' Father has failed, you know." " When did your father fail? I hadn't heard of it?" he said, turning pale. "He failed yesterday, and is very much prostrated in consequence. My whole time must be given to him now. He needs my undivided care and attention, and though it may break our hearts, George, we must part forever." "Noble girl," thought George, as he hastily grasped his hat, and with his broken heart went out into the night. " Doesn't my son owe you a little bar bill?" asked an old stager of the barmaid at the Nevada. "Yes; shall I receipt the bill?" "Well, no; but put -this long-sleever down to my son's account." 'And yet the old man wasn't sent out on his head by the champion chucker-out of the establishment, as he would have been had he tried the same game at the Blue Bibbon Army meeting, where they charged Is. to view the gals in the gallery.

QUEER CARDS.

The following scene in court is reported as having occurred in a Northern district : — Befere Scotch Bob and Irish Bob, J.P.'s. Constable M., sworn, stated the prisoner had been guilty of a breach of the Licensing Act. Scotch Bob: (Sotto voce) "He is my customer, and I must get him off. (Aloud) I dinna ken, but ma ane opinion is he nae guilty." Irish Bob: "Be jabers ! I'm shure he is, and don't let me hear any more of yer gammon." Both J.P.s exclaim : "We give him six months '," Exit the coort.Angelina was gazing on the whirling waltzers, when Edwin came up and hinted at the joy he would feel if she would only bestow upon him the pleasure of a dance. "I would," she replied, "with pleasure (which was a story), but that I cannot do the new step." " Oh, that's no consequence whatever," he said; "there is really no difference between the new step and the old." And she cruelly said, " No, I know there is not, to ?/o?(." Then it was that lie remembered that he wanted to go at once and speak to his sister. Mr Tom Bracken, the genial and unassuming poet, journalist, and politician, will contest the Dunedin Peninsular seat in the House oi Representatives. If our wishes are fulfilled Tom will be a way up the top of the list. jST.B. — By-the-way, we should like to see a copy of the letter sent you by that Presbyterian * editor. More lying hypocrisy, we'll guarantee. One has to be thankful for small mercies now-a-days. The fiery complexioned sub. is only half an Irishman, and thus panders to the wiles of his humbug superior. Of course you know this. . i The Evening Telephone .is pretty severe on the Auckland Club, which, by the way, is only a mansion for gentlemen. Ye gods ! how we tremble for its unfortunate members. The public mind is sometimes highly sensible of philological propriety, and has, therefore, endeavoured to designate the pseudogentleman (the gent) by some other title 1 than gentleman ; which latter it saw was an abuse of the terms, hence the words dandy Corinthian, swell, dude, snob, exquisite, &c. But, some high literary authority was wanted to record the change in lasting print ; and, in the absence of such authority, no one of these words has been universally adopted, because they were not blessed with, a divine poet to hand them-"; down to posterity — in other words, no baitf had they to make all time their own? A gentleman may be defined as a .man of unimpeachable honour and gallantry, of dignified carriage, spotless." reputation, a high mind, liberal views, and a goodly education. Heaven look down upon the Auckland Clubs, andrcitizens be thankful that ye are not of their ilk. Voice from the masses — ' ' Amen! "

Hitherto- the words " not transferable " printed on certain tickets of admission to places of amusement or privilege have proved singularly inefficient says the Illustrated London Neivs, and the said tickets have changed hands in the most barefaced manner. The promoters of the Antwerp International Exhibition have devised a means of checkmating this abuse of their season tickets, for on every one that they issue they intend to have the photograph of the person whose name is inscribed there. If the likeness proves to be ' faithful, all well and good ; but if not, woe betide the luckless wight whose physiognomy does not tally with his photo. A raw-boned country bumpkin, hailing from the Waikato, called in at the Prince of Wales Hotel and asked the host if he could obtain accommodation for himself and missus, explaining the while that he had " just been and gone and got married." "Well," said the landlord, " I suppose you require a bridal chamber?" The newly country - married swain, looking very much puzzled and discomforted, took off his hat, scratched his head, and jerked out in broken accents— " Well, I— doan't— know— really ; but Betsy (referring to his inamorata) might. I think I'll go and 'sleep at faether's to-night." "Oh, I think it must be so nice to be ; connected with a newspaper," said Miss McFlynn to young Quilldriver, as they sat together one evening. "Yes, it is so-so," he replied. " But why do you think it is ? " " Why, it has so many advantages. I should think you would glory in the freedom, the liberty, and all the privileges of the press." '• Certainly, I do. It's a pity, with all your enthusiasm on the subject, that you are not a journalist." "I think so, too; but you know it's hard for a woman to get recognition. I should be delighted to feel that the press embraced me." " Oh, you would, Avould you ? Great Scott ! wait till I turn down the gas." (Curtain.) Three or f our new chums, while strolling along Symonds-street the other day, were rather taken in by that Government equipage, and commonly known as the "Black Maria." Our readers will remember that in appearance it somewhat resembles a hearse, and as it was driven at a very slow pace, the new chums in question, taking it for that mournful commodity, stood and raised their hats until it passed. A broad smile illuminated the driver's face, and a burst of merry laughter from a few colonials, who stood at the door of O'Dowd's Hotel, enlightened the strangers on their comical mistake, which, to say the least, was a very " grave " one indeed. Mr B. C. Roberts, the proprietor of the Albert Hotel, has vacated that popular house in favour of Mrs O'Meagher, who for some considerable time was the esteemed hostess of the Exchange Hotel in Dunedin. It is the aim and intention of Mrs O'Meagher to make the Albert Hotel the leading house in Auckland, and, under the able management of Mr Inglis, there ib every probability of her intention being carried out, as both Mrs O'Meagher and Mr Inglis possess that geniality of manner and business capacity so essential in conducting the every-day work of of large family hotel, and we wish Mrs O'Meagher and her courteous and able business manager a hearty welcome to Auckland and a thorough success in her new venture. A largely-attended meeting of the shareholders in Mr William Bridge's well-known art union was held on Friday evening last at gallery, Bourke-street, to consider what stej)S should be taken with reference to the drawing. Although the art union has been longer before the public than was originally intended, owing to unforseen circumstances, and the obstruction offered by a section of the press without first properly enquiring into the facts, which is certainly to be regretted both by the promoter and also the ticketholders ; still the intentions of Mr Bridges are undoubtedly honest and straightforward, which the meeting evidently thought, and almost unanimously granted him the extension of time, viz., four months, which he pointed out was necessary to carry out the art union in its entirety and make it the success which it would probably have attained long ago had it not been for the difficulties placed in its way by people who at any rate should allow fair play if no favour. Since the meeting 65 tickets have been sold, and the chairman (Dr Bell) announced that he would himself take 50 shares. This result, so soon after the meeting, shows that the majority of the outside public have not been greatly influenced by the damaging reports which have for some time past been in circulation,- and that an explanation was only necessary by the promoter to regain the confidence formerly reposed in him. "Zaniiel," in the Star, is always rinding out some mare's nest or other. Last week he told a yarn about a masher and a maiden caught in the rain up Waitakerei way, and made out an apparently good case of meanness on the part of the said masher, who promised all sorts of things to the people who gave them shelter, and then only sent an advertising almanac. Now, this tale i/sSttnded very good till another is told. The other is, that instead of being a masher the young fellow is a struggling tradesman, who could ill afford to give a silk dress as a quid pnr quo for an hour's accommodation and a meal. The settlers also refused to hear of any remuneration for their undoubted kindness, or something would certainly have been sent ; and next, the settler never gave time for any such action before he filled

"Zamiel's" venom-bag ," and had the filth spurted forth wifch all the poisonous spite that false and. cruel -writer knows how to use and delights" in 'using. "Zamiel" is like his employ ev-, -in, using a motto which he belies in every, line he He denies that he " writes'a neighbour's name to lash," while he falsely, and'^wickedly maligns someinoffensive man or woman in every dose of his maundering twaddle. "We have known of cases where he knew positively that what he wrote was false, and yet he w.ould givethe falsehood full publication, bearing a truthful face. . In this case "Zamiel" has., only carried out his usual rule. The JSTapier Hospital doctor must have a. very crude idea of the beautiful. In his last report to the committee, this medico tearfully points out that the ward man and sculleryman have to perform their respective duties, in their shirt sleeves, because they haven't a coat to their backs. The duties of the ward man generally consist in administering castor oil with a Rob-Hoy canoe, injecting morphia with a pitchfork, extracting teeth with a maul, and making , himself generally useful in the way of quieting patients by choking them with one hand and writing down "Death from' natural causes " with the other. The sculleryman, on the other hand, performs the onerous duties of helping himself to the luxuries of ' patients (regardless of cost), nyuuringnyuming with the kitchen-maids, blacking his own boots, and " making" those of the patients, washing his face with greasy soup,.. interviewing the patients with a view to being "kindly remembered," and many other likefunctions. Now, why on earth these luminaries want coats of broadcloth to do this, sort of work is what the Hospital Committee could not probably understand, for after due ■ consideration, and passing their monthly account to the amount of £1 4s, it was unanimously decided to postpone the doctor's . recommendation for decent coats until the ■ official inspection by the Colonial Secretary.