BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 231, 14 February 1885, Page 12

BRIEF MENTION

'."C^Vepr pressure 6?xt of school—Being sat «PP?C7 '; " t Z., ./m.-V'-.-Vr -.".:'■■ ... ■■'■. '■; i'Mr Burnancl, the' ■ editor of: Punch, has' <sleVett unmarried 'daughters. .-• :i;-: .-.-.. " L^^£ft{sVßpi?VC^ S/, the; greengrocer's daughter, to the altar? ' rThfe giri§.,say-H.Qllaiiid has, / Been very dull since: the iboys ; left asjthip. as umbrellas. " 7 Aak^Bob' ! what happened ?vrhen the valentine was' sent back to him, and what was in it, Rose;' 1 "■*/'• ' : '.!]" ' Why did M. let that handsome masher see her home, and what would Bill say if he knew it ?:.-.. It. is. really disgraceful the way H., the young widower, of Bemuera, and Miss 25., of Newton,, are carrying on. What would old Guy Fawkes have done with dynamite ? " : Parliament would have gone sky high, and -the' Speaker with it. ; - The Morningtoii and Wanganui Licensing Districts have been ' amalgamated. •Mr Booth will lecture there shortly. Miss Fi, of Queen-street, looks well in her grey dress, trimmed with green ; cream hat arid feathers, lined with green to match. . -,; What makes Bella M., of the Governor Browne, look down her nose so ? Is it because M. is back ? Try you luck with D. agaip ? Bella ? . [liatin is not only a dead language, but also ; a deadly one, when an "experienced druggist- fools with it. . Be more careful for the future G- . Atmospheric air is so .heavy that its weight upon the body is fi f teen pounds to the square inch. Persons, can understand now why it is so hard to .raise the wind. [ How, loving of Newton -road, looked armr-in-arm with Miss 0. of Wellesley -street on Wednesday night. Is it a case ? Oh, how somebody envies -you, .Tom ! ..- -I'Did that r newly-niarried tailor, of Victoria- ( . slireefc East, miss the steam »r' for the South, J thai he was 'walking through Onehunga on Sunday, last with his/ bride ? ' . l ; Qut of; 55 ministers, employed by the Presbyterian Synod of OtagOj ,53, are total abstainers,.. soi.isays (the- Bluq llibbon Army Chronicle^ published in ■ Dnnedin . This is too thin. ■:■.'■ •■•" ' ■ " 'It is the intention of the Government to send some person to Scotland for the purpose of inquiring into the matter of immigration of Scottish crofters. -A stovt billet for some acquaintances' . Go.it, Dunedin ! A Parnell boy has swallowed half-a-dozen steel buttons, and his mother does not have to scream for shim when he is out in the street. She just, brings a magnet to the door, and he flies to it like a needle to a pole. ' Ifo comedian could have made as laughable a face as old Forty-per-cent, when he picked up a purse opposite the j>ost-office, on Thursday, and, discovered it to be full s>f sentiment. Keep it, A — , it will become very useful. "' A Parnell correspondent, who is given to "sporting, wants to know when the " AngloSaxon race," so much talked of, is to come off. Can any of ? our dear readers enlighten this illiterate , correspondent on the matter. ."We cannot. The Italian Government thinks of prohibiting the exportation of organ-grinders "because they give a false idea, of the country and injure its dignity. All the ..world will uphold Italy, in this . desire to uphold its dignity, more especially the good people of ithe Empire City.

fef l .TorJcated b ; ,i : ?(hiio).; Toosli, mush *citeHousVDlocker^orksli (Me), Salvationsli 4i«Sieli;- Ebrnesfcreetall? (bio), fTduij?, : Mensh — shoh J S^piafcionsh ! ■ Too ''-mnSh J '.• lirain wori^. standsta. it. f &!t Waimate PB,|M. €ourti| j|o;qtlier;day %f<^ ( ifeEbdiiig^ officers? of- the . Salvation Army . -^reVacli' fined 5Qs and .: costs for obstruci- . ing^tiao passage ; of .tHeS principal street in ■feat town' by leading'-a: number of people. -"We are of opinion that if the Resident Magis- .' trates in othei? toyras (Auclijiand, for instance) in"^e\v'Z^ai^nd?were"tp^d.o'as the. Waimatp , Eesi^Qnt'-Magistrate did, it" would have" the effect, of preventing these depraved maniac's I^Jfroin pei'egiuij^ting; the, streets as they do at present. ,

An areby-ological mem. — Tremble, Eng,land, and turn pale. At an anarchist meeting held in Paris the other day, the London Bridge outrage was applauded, and red flags were waved in honour of the commune. Two such explosions .in one week should surely .strike, terror, to the British mind.

An enterprising Scotchman has the following sign oyer his barber's shop in Dunedin : — ' "Tonsorial Artis, Physiognomical Hairdresser, iFacial^ Operator, Cranium Manipulator, and ! Capillary Abiridger. Sheaves 'and Hair Cufc' with Ambidestrous facility:" • The above will 'be a Short study., . . •.

A company is being floated in Wanganui for the purpose of dredging the Upper Wanganui Biver, so as it will be navigable for steamers. The Government intends assisting these wiseacres in their undertaking. After the company has been successfully floated we sincerely trust the directors will still have a " ballance."

Much merriment was caused at a meeting of the Committee of the Wellington Industrial Exhibition by one of the coinmitte proposing to fit Tig the Exhibition with calico windows, which^ by-the-bye, is certainly rather a novelty. Calico windows were used in the Christchurch Exhibition three years ago by Messrs Joubert and Twopenny.

A grand ball was given at JNTapier the other night, when a mean dodge was resorted to. It appears that between the issuing of the invitations and the ball taking place certain puppies, known as bailiffs, had accidentally taken possession, so there was no end of trouble. The difficulty was got over by the bailiffs being dressed up as waiters, and all went merry as a marriage bell.

rending the decision of the Court of Appeal, Waring Taylor, who is enjoying his otium cum dig nutate in the Wellington Goal, will be treated as a first-class misdemeanant, wear his own clothes, and have nothing to

do. A few of our friends would have no objection whatever of residing in H.M. prison under the same careful treatment. But then oar friends never have any money. The other Sunday at the liarmy barracks, a party went up for salvation, and handed to the Captain his pipe. Then, as the Cap. was about to announce another conversion, the pipe-man said—" You needn't trouble, boss. The missus soared last Thursday, and since I got the funeral money, I only smoke cigars." It is not generally known that Fred Archer is very religious. When entertained by an American reporter lately, and asked : " What mount do you now aspire to most !" he tapped his New Testament, and replied, solemnly : " Sinai." ■ It is, therefore, probable that before visiting Australia, Frederick will take a trip to the 1 Holy Land, and drink up the remainder of the Sea of Galilee. The '■ Answer to Correspondent Man,' of the Leader, \ published in Melbourne, must surely have a bald head. None but a baldheaded man' would prefer the remedy he proposes to the plague of flies. The following is his idea : ' Put a vessel of coal-tar on the table, heat the poker red-hot, and place it in the tar, allowing the smoke to fill the room. Before doing so, close the doors and windows, and the flies may be exj>ected to drop dead. 3 This is what some professors in certain grammar schools teach the boys — probably by way of amusing them during those terrible first weeks after the holidays. In their lee- ' tures on derivation they give most extraordinary etymologies. For instance, they derive the name of Elizabeth' from the Latin Lu'dovicus, something in tins fashion : — From Ludovicus we get Louis ; from Louis, Louise ; from Louise, Lisa; from Lisa, Eliza; from FJizaj : Elizabeth ; and . from Professors — nonsense !

The above is a very good likeness of Mr W. R. Wills, of Otahuhu, who has frequently contributed valuable poems to the Observer. Mr Wills was born at Buth, England, on the 21st January, 1537, and attended Dr Llewellyn's Academy, Lawrence Hill, Bristol, for six years. He was engaged on the London Press for a period of eight years, and subsequently devoted jhis attention to commercial pursuits. Mr Wills emigrated to ISiew Zealand, and topic up bis residence at Otahuhu, and for the past ten years he has been a contributor to the Auckland Press. He is the authoi of " Songs for the Weai'y," " Blossoms of Early Life," and his latest production is " A Bunch of Wild Pansies." This volume of poems will, we venture to predict, be favourablyreceived by all lovers of the beautiful and the true. Our readers ■will be glad to learn that Mr Wills is still a valued contributor to the Observer.

The German flag has been hoisted in the "Western Pacific, and is now performing that contradictory feat peculiar to flags of all nations— namely, that while it remains in one place, it is at the same time flying from it. Bismarck has given John Bull change for a .New Guinea in German silver. Our property there, is now /represented by about half-a-sovereign. 'However,- John Bull must now '«ni Xt - » Witll Tootslan Philosophy, and say, "Oh, it's ofno consequence, I assure you." Ihe warship Hinemoa is still in readiness to receive a share of the change.

; The contractors for the cutting down of Lower Hobsb'n-street would do well to be more careful in their selection of carters, that is, persons entrusted with the charge of horses. The other evening, after the men had knocked off work, a juvenile driver was amusing himself by ill-treating the animal in his charge, flogging hi m up Plobson-street while the wheel of the dray was locked. It is a matter of regret that a policeman was not near at hand, or one would have had the pleasure of seeing this ruffian severely punished. As it was he would hare received a sound thrashing from' a gentleman who was passing at the time, if he had not ceased flogging the poor animal.

The invention "of the dumb piano, in Germany, is a triumph of i)hilantrophy. The restless fingers of the virtuosi now skip with monkey-like agility along its admirable key-board, but not a sound is heard. The sacred repose of the grave reigns among the strings of the instrument, and the next-door-neighbour broods undisturbed, with the exception of the fog-horns and hideous howls of the Salvation Army, over the figures of his ledger, amidst the inaudible harmony of the spheres. Let us all at once subscribe to present to national testimonial to this amiable inventor of a noiseless piano. Probably his genius would solve the problem of a silent

flute, a silent trombone, a silent violin, or even silence the { big drum ' of the Harmy.

Servant gal-ism is rampant ; you bet. A gentleman in the western suburb called at a registry office and ordered a ' general,' paying 2s Gd for the privilege. A quiet lady was sent ; height, about 4ft 2in ; breadth of beam, sft 4in. This jewel, whose name was quite unspeakable or unpronoun cable, except to natives of Ballysloughgutther, near Donegal, France, proceeded to cross-examine in a jerky, foreign accent : ' Does yez allow two eyenin's a week ? ' ' JSTo, miss, only one.' ' 'Urn ; can Ibe havin' every Sunda' ? ' ' No ; every ■. alternate one.' ' Arrah, now ! I s'pose I cud be goin' ter tin o'clock mass, or at laste ter half-past sivin mass, on Sunda's?' ' The latter, if you wish.' ' "VVud I have ter wash ? ' 'I should be very much obliged if you would graciously condescend to help me,' replied the lady. • And can you cook? ' ' Plane kukin' ; no pasthry, or much.' ' "\yell, can } r ou come to-day ? ' ' Vis ; I'll be here at fowrr o'clock.' And the divil a soight has the lady seen of this jewel from Connemara since, at all. These are the sort of Government immigrants, the poor, lonely, young females we are told we ought to make home -like for, and whose morals we are to protect.

The vagaries of " city pigeons " when out in the country with a "loose leg" are proverbial ; but the following tale eclipses all records, we opine. Everybody knows "VV. J. Courtcnay, of Raglan " diamond fame," and everybody knows that he is a' happy-go-lucky jolly dog. One night last Aveek, at Kamo, near Whangarei, a happy crowd of whisky-drinking, devil-may-care boys were indulging in the usual blow and gas incidental to and inseparable from such meetings. One gentleman, with a dim recol-; lection. o£ the 30 yards to 100 mateh 5 so well

known to sports,- offered to run 100 yards-, against any man in the crowd, and carry Courtenay-on his back. No doubt he meant to run 50 yards under the load while his op^poneut ran 100 yards. But it must have been the whisky put him wrong. His wager (£5) was promptly accepted, and early next morning these gay boys trotted out into the street, and proceeded to preliminaries- " Oh," says the challenger, " I don't propose to carry your cigar and luggage as well as you," thinking, no doubt, to escape his, wager on that ground. " That shan't stop**" you !" says Courtenay, and in a few moments he was peeled to the ' • buff." Not a -rag on, him, and in that guise. he mounts and away. His "horse" lost his fiver, of course, and all went merry as a marriage bell. But— ah, that awful but — the heagle heye of theKamo bobby was on them, and Mr Courtenay received a summons two hours later for "undacent exposure in the public streets." The case came oft" on Tuesday, but the magistrate took into consideration the early hour and the joke, and treated the charge lightly,, so W. J. escaped. It was very lucky for him he met so complaisant a " beak," however, as there can ha no fine for these offences under the new Act. Imprisonment or nothing: is the fiat jmtitia nowadays. Bad* luck to it ! ' ' ; *

QUEEII CARDS