BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 229, 31 January 1885, Page 12

BRIEF MENTION

'—Football.

"The Wages of Shin El Mahi — 111, mad, he—is, or soon will be The Bal(l)ance is now on the right side of the colony.

H JjThe motto of the chiropodist : " I came, I saw, I corn-cured."

Meeting of the constellations: The Native Minister at the Star Hotel.

The prominent features of the Anniversary : Wind and water — brass bands and rain.

Judas Iscariot (kneeling) kissed Bishop Luck's signet ring when he entered the banquet half last night.

Didn't the Micks enjoy themselves niter the holy fathers letired on Wednesday evening. The " craythur" flowed freely.

The way to obtain water (mem. for tho North-Shoreans) : Advertise a holiday, and your tanks will be filled.

Mr W. F, Buckland favours annexation of l^ew Guinea by Germany. So much for the opinion of Howick's patron saint.

Someone has ascertained that the man who finds a pocket-book with cash in it doesn't look in a paper for three weeks.

A scene in a Waikato railway carriage. Fond wife, " Let me see your paper a moment, deai\" Husband, " Yes, as soon as we gut to the tunnel."

Some people are not at all curious, but would like to know, you know, who are the directors of the JNT.Z. Tobacco Growing and Manufacturing Company.

Two lawyers recently had a quarrel. The row became serious, and one called the other a jackass. He then went into Court, and referred to him as "my learned friend."

Cambridge farmers love their bawbees too well to invest a few coppers in the Beet Sugar Company. But they will grow the roots for a consideration. Advance Waikato !

The Islle mud is said to be Avonderfully soothing to the skin. The I^Tile nmd-dle is anything but soothing to John Bull. Suggested title for Lord Xorthbrook's report — John. Bull it miii Xik:

A man in Hobson-street seeing the sign, "Every requisite for a funeral," in an undertakers window, entered and demanded a 1; corpse." He said that was the first requisite of a funeral.

The girl who promenades the Ponsonby Koad at such a tremendous pjice every day should take care tha: her dress improver is properly adjusted, as rapidity of motion does not suit these delicate (?) articles of dress.

One of the Australian Eleven, lot/, (after banquet): "It is gratifying for me ns a gentleman cricketer, to get such a groetin' at the 'ands of my feller-wieldors of the "wilier."' (Applause and laughter.)

In the Sandwich Islands a man's mother-in-law does not visit him without his permission. [N.B. — This is not intended as an advertisement for the line of steamers plying between Auckland port and Honolulu. — En.}

After a careful inspection, we have come to the conclusion that there are enough dead dogs and kittens lying around our suburbs to run all the sausage manufactories in the land for the next ten years. "What the eyes do not see, <!tc.

According 1 to tlie chronicler of Holland Schnapps, " "Women, especially in the higher circles, shrink naturally from intoxicating liquors." Perhaps so. But there are times when all the shrinking is done by the intoxicating liquors.

Another expedition to South Africa by the Donald Currie Line. Our troops are always going to Africa now-a-days, or coming back. It makes some difference to the taxpayers, but not much difference to the troops. They go out Curried and they come home tanned.

His son was a shining light in the profession, and he gave dad a " certainty." Dad -went to the A.K.CJ. Summer Meeting to fcack it, and when the race was over he expressed himself thuswise : "Oh, that ■ boy ! he'll ruin mo aforo he's done '.''

A Eemuera young man is quite "gone" on " Hamlet." He was reading it to the girl of his heart last week : "Or if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool," he read. "Is that a proposal, dear ?" she asked. "Yes, darling," he replied. And they settled it there arid then.

An Australian belle — the daughter of a "butcher — who disgraced her family by marrying* an Italian jnirico twelve months ago, has already left him. She didn't mind nursing the sick hurdy-gurdy monkey, but her proud spirit bucked, at capering about ■with a tambourine to rake in the pennies.

It will be remembered that Murphy issued a challenge guaranteeing to knock out in live rounds any Ost 51b man. The challenge was accepted by Burns, ' who wanted large gloves, to which Murphy objected, and no match, eventuated. We now hear that a Thames pug, who is said to be a clipper, has taken up the mitten, and that Murphy goes down, to meet him. Afterwards he proposes

"^"When Noah wanted to take soundings after the Flood he sent a dove out of the Arlc. The Auckland police, having had a deluge of complaints about certain houses in the city, fluttered the clove cots, and on Tuesday the soiled doves were to be seen flying about the city in search of nesting- places.

A well-known city tailor had a bit of bad luck the other day. He had a certain debtor in his books who had refused to listen to the voice of the charmer and " part," and who had religiously ignored all postal applications for payment. Snip called one day recently and asked for his money, but the debtor Avaxed irate, and threatened to chuck the applicant down stairs if ho bothered him. again. The poor tailor did call again last Monday, and, true to his word, the debtor flung him downstairs, and Snip ay;) s confined to his bed next day with a "head on him " like a forty shilling pot, and fundry abrasions of the cuticle on the ox fivnlis, very suggestive of gravel rash.

AN ONKHUKGA IDYL. Young Arfliie Gray, on pleasure bent,

To Auckland city drove ; And upstairs to the Greyhound went, To whisper words of love.

Judge li is surprise and dire dismay, lEis Abbv was not kind ; To amorous winks ami sheepish looks The ilebe fair was blind.

" What weighs upon jour mind ?" be asked, And sipped his 13. and water ; " Shut up !" she said ; " I wish lo lean: To spout 'Lord CJJlin's Daughter '."

Poor Archie sighed, and silent silt, Until tins mood bo past ; While whispered lloldie, standing nigh : " Xo chance for me ; lie's collared fast."

The Resident Engineer of the Auckland Section Xew Zealand Railways seems to be rather a martinet in his way. He has promulgated the following nknse : — li X.Z.R. — Auckland Section. Circular So. To employes communicating with the Press, —

The communication of official information to members of the Press or other persons, relating to the public service or the official position of any employee, is forbidden, except so far as it may be strictly within the official duties of employees to supi>ly it. Breach of this rule will render employee liable to dismissal. Cases have occurred in which former circulars have been disregarded ; in future this rule must be strictly adhered to. — Joilx Coom\ Resident Engineer.'' Coom, John, spell employe.

QUEEU CAUDS