THE LADIES

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 229, 31 January 1885, Page 8

THE LADIES

According to Professor Hugo's theory, freckled-faced, sandy-haired, stony blue-eyed women, with thin, compressed upper lips, do not as a rule make good nurses. A Parnell woman patched the bosom of her husband's trousers with a mustard plaster, and in less than a week it drew all the colour out of his nose and persuaded him to go to Booth and take the blue ribbon. A literary man asked a friend who was personally familiar with the home of the Lyttons whether he thought Lord Lytton ever really did bite his wife. "The pregnant reply was, "That I cannot say, but I know this that if I had lived even a week with her, I should.' 1 Pa : " What, Mary, not going to church ?" Daughter: " Jvo pa." Pa: " But I thought all young ladies liked to go to church. You used to be regular. 1 " Daughter : " Yes ; but that was. before the new minister came." Pa: " Why, what's the matter with, the new minister?" Daughter: " He's married." Actress (to washerwoman, who has brought her bill) : " How can you bo so impertinent as to dun me in this way !" Washewoman : " Impertinent ! What do you mean '? Who are you, I should like to know. If I choose to pay a shilling for a pit ticket, you have got to faint on the stage for my amusement." Several school girls were discussing their future vocations. One of them was going to be an artist, another a poetess, etc., etc. " And what are you going to bo," one of them asked a little girl, who had not paid anything. "I've made up my mind that I'll be a rich widow when i grow up,"' was the demure reply. "It is, I a?suah you. I feel as if I had dwunk the cup of life find got down to the dwogs. There seems to bo nothing- in the world to ongfigo the mind." "' Oh, yes there is," she said with animation. " You go and hunt around and get the mind, and when you have found it, come to mo and I will suggest something that will engage it." The watch-dog bays the waning moon, (A crescent in the southern sky) ; The weird owl croons a dismal tune ; The night winds sadly sigh. The spectral yews their branches bend, The poppy nods its head in sleep ; The drowsy stars a faint light lend, And virgils lonely keep. A fond youth sits his love beside, (The moon is Availing now) ; The old man down the stairs doth glide, With thunder on his brow. All solemnly the old clock ticks, ! Tis near the midnight hour ; Close to her side Adoljmus sticks, 'Till moved by some strange power. Oh, hard and firm the old man's boot (The way to the door is wide !) A too-too girl and a lover to suit, A leap and a go-as-you-please stride ! The watch-dog yowls a cheerful yowl, The weird owl tu-whits and toots; And Adolphus, wiser than any owl, Skedaddles, skeets, or skoots. " Xo, (xeorge, my mind is made up," said Miss Ponsoidry do Pumpkins to her fiancee, young- Bang-clerk, when that gentleman was trj'ing to persuade her to go somewhere against her will. "Is it ? " replied he, rather tardy. " Yes, it is," was her firm reply. " Well, it isn't the only thing that's made up about you," said the blooming j blood, brushing- the powder from the lapel | of his coat and reaching for his hat. Ladies have not very often distinguished themselves in the field of invention, so when one of them conies forward in that line it is a pleasure to record her work. An Englishwoman has invented an ingenious instrument for dividing a straight line accurately into a defined number of equal parts. Another, Madame Dulong Tuyssussian, has, after a course of experiments extending- over eighteen years, constructed a machine which cuts plates of metal of considerable thickness according to any elaborate design or pattern. Her invention is well known to French architects, but it has only very lately been introduced into England. It was love at first sight, and the youth To his ardour at once gave the rein ; Pie was eager and bold, and, in truth, jNTot a little presuming and vain. " All this passion and fervour of love Is suddou," ho said ; "I must own it, But c'en though you may not approve, Your kindness, I'm sure, will condone it." ' ' B ut, sir, ' ' ' ' Nay, "he whisj)ered, ' ' my sweet, To prudence allow no concessions; Encourage, I beg and entreat, Your heart and its tender confessions. 'Tis well for the old to be wise And discreet, but trust me ; the duty Of yonth is to love, and your eyes Reveal all its fervour and beauty. " And, dearest, that blush so divine Belies all indignant emotion ; Consent, then, at once io be mine, And saction my boundless devotion." " But," she said, " I beg to decline Your love, although swoDt as the daisies ; The cause ? Oh ! that husband of mine And my three little, dear, darling babies."