The Obserber.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 228, 24 January 1885, Page 2

The Obserber.

Saturday, January 21, 1885

A LIVELY DAY IN THE OBSERVER OFFICE.

Thursday last was a field day in the sanctum .sanctorum of the Observer. Ere yet the early milkman had begun his niatutional pilgrimage, or made his first biurnal visit to the stand-pipe, or ere the stentorian voice of the vendor of piscatorial trophies of the deep had waked the orison of blasphemy from parch ed-throatod sleepers, several suspicious looking characters were seen prowlino* around the office. It came about thusly. Advertisements had appeared in Wednesday evening's Telephone announcing that some hair-raising disclosures would appear in the next issue of the Observer anent tho " Shady Transactions of a Publican," and. the public of Auckland, who crave for a little wholesome sensation like as the harfc panteth for the water brooks, were on 1 the tip-toe of expectation for rattle-snakes, earthquakes, volcanoes, and social cataclysm. The genius who presides over the literary destinies of the Observer, and wields the shears and paste-brush with the skill of a cutter-out and bill-poster rolled into one, was guilelessly uieandering down to his Sisyphine labours, with his gigantic intellect absorbed in the problem of how to rob a church of the communion plate without danger of detection, when his button-hole was clutched, by the outstretched fingers of

an interviewer, who held him with his glittering eye, and in insinuating- tones, which would drive a life insurance agent mad with envy, wanted to know what the big sensation was all about. But just then the editorial mind was a vacuous blank. Immersed in the contemplation of the beautiful and the true, and the three golden balls over Levy's door, life with all its joys and sorrows had no charms for him. He released himself from the bony grasj) of the hateful interviewer and fled.

Chained to his desk, like Prometheus to the rook, with the vultures of printer's devils slowly eating away his liver, the editor bent his massive intellect to the deciphering of Coptic hieroglyphics from country contributors, and the perusal of a fifty canto-poem from the last frenzied lunatic who went mad over the monotonous shriek of the breaking-down saw, and soothed his mind with an extemporaneous conrposition on the busting- bull-frog, to the accompaniment of a ten-keyed German concertina and a cracked billy. While engaged in this cheerful and soul-inspiring task, there was a loud rap at the sanctum door, and in response to the sweet and tender " Come in !" there entered two distinguished members of the Licensed Victualler persuasion. These gentlemen wanted several things. They wauted to know what the coming sensation was all about, wanted to have a chip in themselves, and boss the paper for a spell. Now, be it known unto all men by these presents that the individual who slings ink around in this office and endeavours to look learned and wise, as becomes an editor, is a complaisant personage who can hardly refuse even a drink, and you can then form but a very inadequate conception of the pain he must have felt in declining the assistance of the aforesaid interviewers. Well, no sooner had he bent all the resources of his transcendental genius to the mellifluous murmurings of the bull-frog poet, than his meditations were rudely disturbed by another knock at the door, and the entrance of a trio of the book and pencil' fraternity. The customary courtesies were exchanged, with the conventional solicitude expressed for the mutual health of all the parties, followed by sundry meteorological observations. Then business. It appeared that the " pencillers 5 ' were in sympathetic accord with the publicans •who were alleged to have been concerned in the "shady transactions." and wanted all reference to the matter suppressed. Here again we were obdurate as adamant, and the speculators in odds mournfully bowed themselves out.

But at intervals during the day the philosophic meditations and pious reflections of the editor were frequently disturbed by the flattering 1 and insinuating attentions of various other persons who seemed to be intensely interested in the coming sensation, and wanted to know in advance of publication what it "was all about. That evening "was our publishing night, and it took a cordon of bulldogs, ten detectives, and various other precautions, which for obvkms reasons must remain a dead secret for the present, to prevent an advance copy of the Oi;s!;i:\\ei: being sneaked out of the office by any of the hundreds of Jynx-eyecl and feverishly expectant individuals who prowled round the place and endeavoured to effect an entrance through the keyholes.