THE R.O.T. PAPERS.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 172, 29 December 1883, Page 12

THE R.O.T. PAPERS.

AUGUSTUS TADPOLE'S PB0M0TI0N;

Augustus Tadpole was a scion of nobility — that is to say, he was the heir apparent of a soap and candle maker who had retired from business, having waxed fat and rich on the tallow trade, and was now a mighty wool-king. Tadpole, senior, had gradually risen from the humble position, of a member of a Highway Board to a County Chairman, J.P., M.H.U., and a host of lesser dignities, and he was now anxiously waiting for a vacancy in the Legislative Council. Augustus Tadpole, junr., was a limp young man, mostly consisting of hat and stick, watch- ! chain, and cloth-topped boots. He had a re? markably small head, but it was more than large enough to contain all the intellect he possessed. Augustus had been to a Grammar School, and was supposed by some means to have passed through a Civil Service examination, and to be eligible for a Government appointment, if there was such a thing to be got, but he was by no means anxious about it. If AugU3tus had any ambition for anything, it was to earn the reputation of being an excellent judge of horse-ilesh, and an admirer of the fair sex. In both of these departments of social science he had already achieved some diV tinction, especially the latter. All the barmaids knew him, some of them too well, to the great' grief and scandal of Tadpole, senr., who began to think the time had come for him to adopt some profession. He was " burning the candle at both ends," said old Tadpole, "and he don'teven make enough to grease the wheels." For Tadpole, like most of his class, was stingy to a degree, and begrudged maintaining young Augustus xn luxurious idleness. : He wanted to get the young feilow into the Post-office or Telegraph Depai f tment, but in each of these, as indeed in every orther department of the Civil Service, there was such a long list of candidates for appointments that by the time it came to the turn of the fellow at the bottom he would be a 1 grey-headed octogenarian, if he had not already been gathered to his fathers in the silent mouldering tomb. But just at the critical juncture when old Tadpole had. been obliged to compound another case of affiliation in order to save the family honour, the long-looked-for opportunity j>resented itself. There was a Ministerial crisis, and Tadpole's vote was worth his own weight, if not in gold, at least in silver. No protracted negotiations wero necessary to secure young Tadpole an appointment ia the "-Babbit Extermination Department," with liberal salary and travelling expenses, and liberty to indulge hi 3 sporting propensities as he cho3e. This judicious step saved the Q-ovei'nrnent. Young Tadpole 'developed singular talent in his new sphere of usefulness, and was soon' promoted to Chief Inspector for an important district. But alas ! next year the Ministry' was defeated, and the new Minister of Rabbits conceiving a strong antipathy to the protege of his predecessor, forced the young man to resign his position and retire into private life —that is, into the study of horseflesh and barmaids : a circumstance which gave that young gentleman not the least concern in the world. Nest year, however, there was another change of Ministry, and the old set returned to office. The Minister who had formerly chaperoned young Tadpole at once appointed him Chief Inspector of Babbits, and discharged the protege of his predecessor. . Towards the close of the session Tadpole's friends .were defeated. 0n,.a..v,0te. of no-confidence, went into the old shades of office, and a new Inspector was appointed. But' a new election having taken place, the Tadpoles floated again into office on the tide of popularity, and the young man, being regarded as a martyr, was at once appointed clean over the heads of many grey-hfcaded Tite Barnacles, to one of the most lucrativVoifices in the. service. The defeatecWEfmisters made this the snbject of a bitter attack in. the House, but as a new loan of five millions was just about to be raised, and a majority of the members wanted votes for various local purposes, the Q-overriraent was triumphantly vindicated and the attack set down, to splenetic disappointment. Tadpole sent down a beautiful return, drawn up by one of the junior clerks, in which it "was shown, that 5421 rabbits had been exterminated during his term of office, while only 4000 had been annihilated bj the other man, and when the Estimates came under consideration the Committee unanimously voted Tadpole a large increase of salary and travelling expenses. He was now promoted to the office of Commissioner of Babbits, sent on a tout round the world to i investigate the various methods used for the extermination of those animals, and shortly after his return to the colony a new colonial order, the Order . of the Babbit, was instituted, of which Tadpole was made the, first Knight. Alas ! for the mutability of all mundane and ministerial affairs. "The Ariti-Tadpolites again came into power, and the Commissioner of Babbits once more went to the right-about. But this was the signal for a manifestation of public sympathy which made Ministers tremble in their seats. Addresses of condolence, testimonials, and banquets poured in upon Tadpole from all directions, and yielding to the popular storm with the best grace they could, the Government made amends by appointing both Tadpole sen. and jun. to the Legislative Council.

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