A DISAPPOINTED DEADHEAD.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 167, 24 November 1883, Page 3

A DISAPPOINTED DEADHEAD.

In the rising town of Hawea there resides a notorious skinflint, who bears the reputation of being the champion mean man of the place. While he obdurately refuses to listen to the voice of the subscription-list charmer, charm he never so wisely, and is deaf to all appeals to patronise local entertainments, he is by no means averse to getting in on the deadhead system if he can obtain a ticket on the cheap. Aware of this little weakness, a benevolent acquaintance mot him the other day and presented him with a ticket to admit two to the front seats of a Christy Minstrel entex'tainment. The good man stowed the pasteboard in his pocket-book without examining it, and went on his way rejoicing.

In due time the evening of the expected performance came round, and, accompanied by his mater, the happy deadhead wended his way to the scene. On arrival at their destination their expectations were still further raised on finding the building brilliantly lighted up. The janitor received the ticket with a smile, and they sailed onward to a seat in the front row. Having waited a good quarter-of-an-hour for the opening overture, our. deadhead thought to beguile the time by taking a survey of the audience. What most surprised him was the grave and subdued expression on all the faces of the people, and the very unusual proportion of staid-looking persons in black. There was not even the ordinary concomitant of larrikins, not a stamp of a foot, a shrill whistle, a cat-call, or an impatient demand of "Up with the rag !" Why this solemnity on a festive occasion ? But presently the fun commenced. 1 A gentleman of clerical aspect .stepped forward. Our friend supposed him to bo the '•' Brudder Johnson " of the burnt-cork troupe, or the stage manager, and welcomed his appearance with a horse-laugh. He was promptly hissed down, and a pompouslooking citizen in the next seat, who got purple in the face, remarked in an angry tone that " if the person didn't know how to conduct himself he would have to be chucked out." Then the gentleman of the clerical aspect gave out a hymn, and engaged in prayer. It was about this stage of the proceedings that the poor deadhead realised the painful fact that lie had been inveigled into attending a meeting of the Blue Ribbon Army, and he resigned himself to his fate. The language that he uttered on being released, after being subjected to two mortal hours of ungrainmatical verbiage and fervid exhortations to shun the demon drink, is not to be found in any edition of Lord Chesterfield's Letters.