BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 163, 27 October 1883, Page 14

BRIEF MENTION

The police hare again run in Crossley. Holloway, the medicine man, is a pillionaire, "Lays of an ancient roam" — Stray stale eggs. Hugh Mclllhone has gone to the West Coasl to emulate Eedmsnd. It is proposed to give Onehunga more gas, as if it hadn't enoiigh already. " Resurrection men " have desecrated a Maori tomb in Wanganui district. If you wivxt to gain the undying hatred of a woman who owns and pets a pug, send her a package of ilea-powder. The Loyal Lodge, National Independent Order of Oddfellows, will hold their anniversary ball on the Bth proximo. Wanted, by the City Council, a dead wall at corner of ' Lincoln-street, on which to erect name-board. Apx>ly to City Engineer. In a cornfield, the light heads are the highest. and the well-filled ones hang down modestly. It is just the same out of cornfields. The Herald's yarn about those " Hallelujah lianas " turns out to be a canard. The' reporter was thinking of Hamburg (humbug) at the time. • ■ Lord Charles Beresford has declined fco be made a C.B. for his heroic conduct in Egypt. Perhaps he.thiuks it. sounds too much like Q.M.G. The Herald says the Emily Place scheme is "hung up." Wouldn't it be as well if some of tbe obstinate opponents of the scheme were suspended also? A Parnell widow drinks nothing but black tea -while she is in mourning. Such consistency is truly ■pathetic. But what a nerve she will have for her next husband. Says a -recent glove-shop " ad." : There arc forty-one different shades in kids this season." Where's the Aborigines' Protection Society now that it docs not-' report more fully ? Poof 'Brown, who fell raider the disploasuro of the Grand Bashaw some time ago, was run in the other night by the -police, who suspected that he was contemplating suicide, his rnfud being in a very despondent state. The Thmnes St&r had a telegram and leading article on 'Monday, stating that Captain Morris had freon offered and had accepted the vacant portfolio in •the Ministry. Evidently someone has been humbugging the poor man, Frank Heywood, the pianist of the Wilmott Combination Company, had his brains blown out the other day. He was blowing down the barrel of ■fhegun while a man named Frank Simmons held a lighted match to the nipple. Up North, a coroner lately directed the jury at an inquest to bring in a verdict of felo tie no. And a few minutes after, the erudite foreman handed in the solemn decision.- — "We find that the fellow deceased on—" &c, mentioning time and place. Father Ignatius, " Abbot of Sknthony," having announced that the Virgin Mary had appeared to him in a place in his demesne, which he styles the "holy bush," the anniversary of the miracle was solemnly celebrated in August last. It is a somewhat curious fact that while all the ancient apostles had the power of speaking all languages correctly, a very large per centa^e of the modern ones Inow how to speak none whatever. Perlinps some of the Salvation Harmr Captains can explain this. " Mamma, what is a book-worm ?" ts One who loves to read and study and collect books." The next evening company was called. Miss Edith, who wears rings innumerable, was present. "Oh, mamma, look at Miss Edith's rings. I s'pose she is a ring-worm, isn't she ?" A I'KOI'OSAT,. " Paddle your own canoe," They told me long ago ; In mine there's room enough for twoWill you a-boating go ? In Sheffield the other day, a clergyman made the following sweetly courteous intimafcion'to his ilock ■. — " Brethren who wish to contribute buttons will please not to hammer down the eyes, for while that process does not increase their value as coins, it does impair their usefulness as buttons." Lord Derby is not supposed to be given to joking; but he is credited with the following witty observation to a brother- peer, who was complaining" of the coldness of the House of Lords whenever he addressed it: — " lam becoming accustomed to it, hut at first I felt like speaking to gravestones in a cemetery." More trouble at St. Matthew's. The organist brought the choir practice to an abrupt termination last Wednesday night, through the pertinacious obstinacy and behaviour of llumford and the parson's other chum. On cZi't, ilr Pooley bas resigned in consequence, and if so we congratulate him, and pity his successor, whoever the luckless individual may be. Alfred Sharpe, in describing the ingratitude of his Iri;)h " tinints," says that the appeals tor assistance .** generally came from the fairer 2iortioj> of my tenantry." lv the next sentence he says he was unable to resist the pleadings of tenants whom be loved. The question that suggests itself is how many of the eollecns Alfred loved, and whether the ingratitude was caused by his inability to many them all. THE CmLV CORE. When poor old girls, inured to folly, Find out their hair is turning grey, What charm oav soofche their melancholy, What art can hide the lines away ? The only plan their age to cover, To hide fciaie'3 inroads from man's eye, And still entrap some foolish lover, Is to enamel and to dye. When Mr Henderson goes about Grisborne telling everybody that he wired to the editor of this paper, asking the names of the authors of certain correspondence, and that the names were telegraphed in reply, Mr Henderson is a wilfnl and deliberate perverter of the truth. Mr Henderson sent no telegram ■whatever to the editor, and received none. Wo don't correspond with such a person as Mr Henderson, and don't wish to. 8., Peel-street, Gisborne : Before you attempt to write for the Observer try first to understand the rules of syntax. Yon should bear in mind that milkin? cows, driving bullock teams, gardening, and doing odd carpentering jobs, do not require the education essential in journalism. You may have been connected with tho London Press, but in large cities the newspaper offices employ many persons, from the boy who sweeps out the office in tbe morning to the street-runner who cries out, " Latest edition — last copy, a penny." A CHECK MATE. " Why art thou sad ?" I said to one Who seemed by mourning- wreekered • " Has cruel fate, too, thee undone ? ' Is thy life, like mine, chequered ?" No, Sir, such ills don't weigh me down, I cannot such get past enough, The trouble is, you booby clown, I cannot get cheques fast enough I" I bought a Scottish plaid kerchief, I placed it round his neck — " Keep that always to stem your grief, It; is a largish cheque I" Tho Auckland representatives of tho firm of J&cArthnr and Co. request us t© state that they are in no way couuec\e.d with tbe labour traffic in the South Pacific, and give strict injunctions to those in charge of their vessels not to engage in it ; also, that they have never sent either firearms or spirits of an y kind to the Islands, and that all vessels chartered by them are sailed i on strictly teetotal principles, their agents being liable to immediate dismissal in violation of these rules. J

A FRAGMENT. The following lines were found in the pocket of an unfortunate " drunk " whose remains were dug out of a mud hole in Wellingtou-strfcet, and consigned to a premature graye :— Koad where the ruts and mud are deep, Whose stony ways are rough and steep, Where, in the darkness of the night, Between each distant fitful light, Some poor wayfarer wandering home, i Through seas of niud and slush must roam, Or bark his nose against a fence, j Put there by men devoid of sense. A rather amusing incident happened at North- '• cote a short time ago. A party of five were out on a fishing excursion at Northcote the other day, two of the gentlemen acting as oarsmen. At last, tired of hsning, they essayed to proceed homeward. When pulling for about half-au-hour without any progress, save turning around, to their great dismay they discovered that the anchor was down. The ladies laughed a merry laugh, while the duffers hauled in the anchor. THE JIRTII AUCADE. The following lines are humbly dedicated to the contractor of the projected Firth Arcade :— " Relentless contractor—please forbear ■ To desecrate this spot. A Public Square. Beware I 'Twas J. 0. Firth that spoke— Is the spot reserved for his chimney smoke.'' He says it's all that can be desired ; I wonder by whom he was inspired ? The fresh air of the ocean is but little' down tlie street, But that is reserved for the company's frozen meat : At least, a great portion nenr the shoreBut then Mr Firth has asked for more. ; Till that is settled ie would be judicious For you not to be so expeditious. All hail the patriot who has bsen sent • " T,o work an oracle and increase our rent. H.C.Gr. A griping money -lending Shylcck was interviewed by a young man from the country the other day. The young man has been ruralising i'or sometime past in anticipation oi certain remittances from home. On these remittances he had given a lien to Shylock, anclhe now wanted bis balance. The money-lender, with a smile that was childlike and bland, informed bis client that, so far from any balance beins; due to him, he was still in debt. It seems that interest lias been charged at the rate of something like 250 por cent per annum. The man from the bush became so enraged at what he very properly regarded as a villainous swindle, that he seized tbe Shylock by the throat, and would have throttled him but for the timely arrival on the scene of a friend-. But the money-lender is not likely to take the case into Court. He dare not face the risk of having his roguery and sharping exposed. Meanwhile, his victim, who has no means, has gono back to bullockpunching-. A PABNBiI/ IDYM. ' The following sweet thing in verso has been as constantly before us as some of our little sins, and has been awaiting revision. We fondly hoped to get the Parnell Pegasus out of its rough shamble and into a nice gentle canter, but after some futile attempts had to give it up. The moke had been feeding on thistles, and the " pome" must therefore go forth with all its imperfections on its head : — Tell us, Tom ; 0, tell via quickly, What causes all this eha.tter Among the maidens of Paruell, Whatever is the matter P You don't know ? Then we shall toll you, As we have chanced to find That of late you've appeared to he in a great Poetical state of mind. You wrote a piece of poetry, Which certainly does you credit, And what metai you're made of can soou be told By everyone that read it. It is quite enough to turn you white To be cut on every side By those who thought so much of you. Youth, not man, where was your priiAe ? And when yon were composing it, Did you consider much Before you wrote those fatal words That gave it the finishing touch ?

A KirilSTI'NG- TiirUST FOlt UTKKATURE. The following letter from our Gisborno correspondent, enraeto band too iate for insertion under the regular beading :— The ladies here troubled with corns are applying acetic acid to their poor feet, it is (■aid, privately) of course, with very good results "The Peel - street Slop Bucket, and Bag- -tag -and Bobtail Gazette " is said to have been purchased by a few respectable citizens, and is to bloom forth in future as a respectable print. It is about time Harry B. is gone to Opofciki on a holiday. His absence has nothing whatever to do with the churchwarden's threats of horse-whipping. Possibly on his return be will square accounts with " Nemesis." He is able t0... There is a certain scribe in the town who should occasionally make the acqnautance of tbe bath The, Jovial Fisher, of tho N.Z & M.A., is leaving Gisborne for Christchurch, where he intends embarking in business on his own account. His depurtnre from here will be much regretted There were many Grisborne sparks at the Schoolhouse entertainment and danca on Friday evening. And oh, what tnles they poured into the ears of the fair maWens of Eoseland and the regions round about, who, despite the wet night.showed up in good numbers. It was too bad of the " Boy " to run away after the concert and not roowin to the dance The new attraction at the Tnranganni Hotel has been the means of Jdrawing a good crowd nightly, married men excepted. They are always at home by 10 p.m., following the example set by Judas and other most prominent churchmen; the shining lights of Jerusalem If Jack H., the local humorons poet, could write anything respectable in the form of local hits and verses, it might be a recommendation to him to tender for the job of writing poetry to immortalise the memory of the late lamented John Brown. As his effusions, however, savour more of colonial Billingsgate, I fear he will stand li fctle show against Tennyson. He has yet to learn the principles of rhyming.

Labour Report.— R. M. Hei-jliton & Co. Labour Agents, 177, Queen-street, report for .the week .- We have still waiting employment a large number of men who arc willing to work at fair wages. Wo cannot conceive why contractors cry out that they eanuofc get men when so many are idle, and weare prepared to supply large orders promptly. Business during the week for labourers has been limited, wages somewhat lower. Tradesmen seem fairly employed. In absence of any transactions we cannot quote wages. Couples for farms and good ploughmen are in demand, wages upward tendency. There is still a dearth of good domestic servants, more especially for country situations, wages good, £30 to £40 per annum. Female servants for hotels (town), private houses (town) are plentiful, wages 103 to 15s per week.