THE MODERN OFFER.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 154, 25 August 1883, Page 16

THE MODERN OFFER.

Perhaps few things fetter mark the spirit of the ao-e than the change undergone by the formal proposal. We certainly cannot regret the ridiculous fashion which required the unfortunate suitor of a byegouo day to assume, on the momentous occasion, * posture indicative, as we imagine, of the adoration in which he held, or was supposed to hold, the object of his affection. The situation must have been both unbecoming and embarrasing, and a woman's love ought to be very strong before being subjected to the test of seeing a man look absurd ; and in cases where love was absent, we can almost sympathise with the feeling which is said, in some instances, to have prompted the j fair one, by a sudden movement of her foot, to reduce her admirer to a more lowly position still. But the advocate of obsolete customs may find something to say in defence of this one — at least it indicated a humility, a respect, for which the modern damsel must look in vain. The sign may be a slight one, but it is none the less sure, that women are not held in such high esteem as formerly by men ; possibly, to a great extent they are themselves responsible for the change. By plainly showing they despise themselves, they give men the right to despise them. Shall we be accused, in saying this, of drawing conclusions from false premises ? We think not. It is fair to presume that people always aim at attaining a standard higher than their own. When woman aims at placing herself on an equality with man, what is it but an avowal that she is his inferior ? But we are transgressing the limits we set ourselves ; be the cause what it may, the result will hardly be denied. The old chivalrous respect for the weaker sex is fast dying out, and we see one of the many proofs of this assertion in the way in which a lady's hand is now sought. But, perhaps, there is still another cause, the absence of lovej by this we do not mean the coarse passion — that is far from being extinct — but the tender emotion, the softening and refining element, that makes an Englishman's home a paradise. Men seem to choose their wives now much in the same way as they do their horses : they note a girl's points, and if satisfied with the result, they propose. The idea of being refused seems never to enter their heads, and if a refusal is the consequence, it is resented, or the man pities the girl for being fool enough to lose such a chance ; his self-love may be hurt, but rarely his feelings. Still there are men and men. To the shy young man, the offer is the barrier standing between him and the realisation of hi? hopes. Only a few words are necessary it is true, but those few are hard to say. He makes cunning little plots for a tete-a-t6te ; he watches hi 6 opportunities, and then his courage fails him ; if only the lady divines his intentions, and does not object to giving him a helping hand, it is all right ; but failing that, he stands, metaphorically speaking, twirling his hat, and is silent. At length the happy thought strikes him, he will write ; as long as he is in her presence this idea grows up»n him, and appears perfectly easy, so easy, in fact, he wonders he never thought of it before. Once more in the solitude of his own room, he seizes pen and paper, and then his difficulties begin to crowd upon him. Letter after letter is written and destroyed, and perhaps, at the end of an hour, he has only succeeded in filling his waste paper basket. Again, there is the cautious man, whose one horror in life is that he will be refused. He would not for the world risk such a contingency, so he beats about the bush, and talks in riddles, and feels his way, and never commits himself till he is morally certain it-is safe ; and if, after all his precautions, he does meet with a refusal, he will die a bachelor, for no power will ever tempt him to try his luck again. If, on the other hand, he is accepted, he looks down with lofty pity on those " poor devils" who are rejected, and wonders any man can subject himself to such a liability. Then there is the handsome young man in a good position, who is very much impressed with his own importance. He rarely falls in love, being far too much occupied in thinking of self. After enjoying the luxury of being "run after" by half of the girls, and most of the "mammas" of his acquaintance, he. determines to confer the honour of his alliance on a complete outsider. The possibility of anything but an affirmative answer never even crosses his mind. Rarely, very rarely, one meets with a man who wkhes to marry a girl because he realy cares for her. Most likely neither of them have too much of this world's goods, but their united incomes will allow of their living comfortably. This man will have considered the matter in all its bearings ; he never takes any important step in a hurry ; he would feel a refusal deeply, not on account of hie self-love, but because he renlly does care, and has set hie h«art upon winning the girl's ]ove in return ; but if he fails, he will not be deterred from trying in another quarter on some future occasion. His is too good a nature to be soured by disappointment ; he will rather logically set himself to seek the cause, and it will depend upon the circumstances and manner of the refusal whether he blames the girl or himself. Any way he is sure to marry for he is an eminently domestic character, and must have something to pet and love. But as we have said, this type of man is becoming rare ; domesticity and love are dying out, and that essentially English term " home " is fast losing its signification. Marriage is pretty much a matter of sale and barter, in which the romantic element of leve has no part. Girls are brought up to look upon matrimony as the one profession open to them, and every ball-room is viewed as a hunting giwuid where husbands are to be brought to earth. There is no iunocent enjoyment, it is all serious business; and woe to the unhappy huntress who draws a blank. We cannot help being reminded of Mrs. Montagu, who so long ago as the last century wrote to a friend, " As to modern marriages, they j are a simple infringement of the baptismal vow, being, for the most part, for the gratification of the pomps and vanity of this wicked world on the one hand, and the sinful lusts of the flesff on the other." The same severe criticism seems, equally applicable at the present time.' We hearja great I deal from an older generation in condemnation of the " young people of the pr«Neen.t day." /Perhaps before being too censorious tHey will dp well to look back a little and see if human nature was nobler and purer a century Sgo th^lit is now. In the iiame of 'common -fairness, it J>iame. .there be, let it bejput on the right shoulders-:; ietitfcose

parents who complain most bitterly look at home and see whether their own laziness, and desire not to be bothered with their children when young, does not lie at the root of the matter. So long as boys are taught from infancy that their sisters are to give way to them, and find in after years that girls run after them, we cannot be surprised that respect for the gentler sex, and a humble opinion of self, are no longer characteristics of the Modem Offer.

Flies ak.d Bugs, Beetles, insects, roaches, ants, bed-bugs, rats, mice, gophers, jack-rabbits, cleared oufc by " Rough on Rats." 7£d. Moses, Moss & Co., Sydney, General Agents. Ihe Parcels System. — Great reduction in Sewing Machines. Prices, carringe paid with all extras : Home Shuttle, £2 15s ; Wertheim, £4 ; White, £3 10s ; Singer, £5 2s ; Frister and Roosman, £4 10s — with cover, £5; Knitting Machines, £7; Howe, £3; Staudnrd, Jones, &c, Kilting Machines. — D. S. Chambers, .Queen and Port-streets, Auckland. No canvassers. 1 Cash or deferred. Repairs to all machines. Wise Folly. — " For ten years my wife was confined to her bed with such a complication of ailments that no doctor could tell what was the matter or cure her, and I used up a small fortune in humbug stuff. Six months ago I saw the American flag with Hop Bitters on it, and I thought I would be a fool once more. I tried it, but my folly proved to be wisdom. Two bottles cured her ; she is now as well and strong as any man's wife, and it cost me only two dollars." — H. W., Detroit, Mich. Read. "Lloyd's List."— April 14th, 1881.—Velveteens for export. "Ye Royal Amethyst " Velveteen manufactured at Manchester, is made in all shades, and will be found a first-class material, having a glossy and rich appearance, quite equal to silk velvet ; the pile is perfectly fast, and the colour permanent, the lattor not bt ing affected by rain or damp, as is the case with other velveteens. The " Ciseld " Velvot nianu, factured only by this firm, is the most chaste and rich velveteen exhibited, and becoming very fashionable in England und Prance. All these goods are stamped " Royal Amethyst." W. Rattray, Sole Agent for Aucfc land Good Words — From G-ood Attt?hobity. — * * We confess that we are perfectly amazed at the run of Hop Bitters. We never had anything like ifc, and never heard of the like. The writer (Benton) has : been selling drugs here nearly thirty years, and has ! seen the rise of Hostetter's, Vinegar and all other bitters aud pateut medicines, but never did any of them, ! in their best days, begin to have the run that Hop Bitters have. * * We can't get enough of them. We I are out of them half the time. * * Ex. ract from letter to Hop Bitters Co., August 22, 78, from Benton, My*:rs & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Cleveland, O. Be sure and see. " Out of little things what great things arise " is an old saying, and, in the cuse of the boarding of the steamer Pathun by the police on arrival at Melbourne, was fully exemplified. On searching the vessel for the Irish Informers, Detective Mackny— one of the raoßfc intelligent memhers of the force— arrested a mau named Butler, who indignantly denied that he was, or had been, in any way connected with the Phoenix Park tradegy, and stated that at the time it occurred he waß in New Zealand, to which plnce he was returning. Macky nsfced, " What part of New Zealand ?" and Butler replied, "Auckland." "And who do you know ' there ?" queried the detective. "Why, Garrett Bros., of Wake field-street ; and, as a further proof, I huve a pair of their everlasting boots on," And in consequence of that convincing statement he was allowed to go at large. Messrs GiirreV.t Bros, still carry on their large business in Wakefield-street, and are selling off at remarkably cheap rates.