BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 154, 25 August 1883, Page 14

BRIEF MENTION

The man who wrote " My Grandfather's Clock " is still living, and yet Jim Carey was killed. Who are those two bank clerks that are so Sweet oh. tlie undertaker's daughter ? 1. . Mr A. McDonald is circulating copies of his speech on the Native Land Laws Bill. That young lady who took off her boots and stockings at the concert displayed a neat little foot. Christchurch Society speaks of Mr Augustus " Tala." Is this a covert allusion to the great litterateur's obesity ? . A Wellington crank, named Job Littler, has gone mad on the Salvation Army racket, and has been sent to the Mount "View Asylum. The Pa Sells (Parcels) System.— Telling the old man that she i 3 going to the choir practice, when she's only going to meet her " feller." No wonder the teachers are such sticklers for holidays when there are two "heads" of the "Education Head Office " in Wellington, and each in turn takes a holiday. Who is the Hughes that is writing letters to the newspapers denouncing the Tiock Hospitnl ? Is he the man who, a year or two ago— but let that slide for the present. Who was the gallant councillor that was teaching his better-half the "noble art of self-defence " near the Caledonian Hotel the other night, at 11 p.m.? Jfames not known. The girls saved from "Black Julia's" burnt saloons sadly miss the spirit-stirring melodies of that musical box. Why don't the police hand it over, and give the old men a show ? What is the plural of " baby ?" asked a pupilteacher of a little eight-year-old, the other day, in the City East School "If you please, miss, ' twins,' " replied the precocious youngster. He went up first. When a friend, after many years absence, the other day asked Brown if he was married, for all answer the poor man lifted his hat and exhibited the baro stubble-field where the hand of the gleaner had been busy. v p-ii. They were sitting at a game of euchre, when he popped the momentous question. "I pass," she said. "What!" he exclaimed, "do you mean to say v that you turn me down ?" " No, I turn you up, I will go alone." He confessed he was euchred. One of the Bank clerks in the Waikato has put his hand in a hornet's nest. He dishonoured a P. N., though the requisite funds were in the Bauk to meet it. ' The sufferer complains that the young man is too fend of hobnobbing with clients of the other Bank. The following comes to us in an elegant feminine handwriting:— "The Baptist girls will be much obliged if the grocer boy will mmd his owu business." That grocer boy had better get a tin plate in the seat of his trousers, and lay in a stock of hair restorer. :' Tho proprietor of the jobbing sawmill would like to asfc the party who under the shelter of a mom de plume had a smacfc at him iv our daily contemporaries the following two questions, viz.: Did he leave Australia in a hurry ? also, did he leave the Thames (not in a hurry) ? Nuff sed about parritch. We can improve on the Star's "Squintilation": — Man is made from dust, that's why Man, like dust, is always dry. When man is overcome with thust, To dampen he must dub down duet. Mr Fairfax, of the Sydney Morning Herald, kaving been summoned for contempt of court in commenting ou the recent libel case, in which he was cast in' £450 damages and £7000 costs, refusea to apologise, or to pay any fine. If he persists in his determination, he will revolutionise the law of libel in New Soath Wales. , Mr Gibbons, who lost his leg on the Kaipara Company's steamer at Riverhead, and got a judgment ! against the company for 42750 damages, compromised ! the action for £350, which has been paid to him. He has commenced business as a fruiterer aud provision dealer iv Victoria street, where he hopes to receive a fair share of patronage. MUTE FELICITY. A couple, both deaf and dumb, were married at St. Matthews' on Monday. Thrice happy raan ! O, bless your stars ! Exempt from strife and nuptial jars ; No nagging tongue shall make you weep, No caudle lectures mar your sleep ; No list'ning ear your secrets knosvs To spread to every wind that blows. Would all our wives were deaf and dumb To herald the millenium ! An Aucklander, who was travelling on a Southern railway the other day, got into conversation with a certain bishop. Ignorant of his rank, and only perceiving that he was a clergyman, he said, "You are a curate, 1 presume ?" His Lordship drew himself up, "lwasone, sir." "Dear, dear," was the sympathising rejoinder, "that accursed drink, I suppose." A drunk at Ghsborne could not raise the needful contribution to the revenue. They said they would levy on his goods. Then he went and knocked at tbe gaol gate and demanded admittance, but they wouldn't have him, aud he went away muttering, "Well, it's darned hard. I've come ten miles to be locked up, and they won't have me." We have received tho following from Miss Sheridan —Miss G. Sheridan wishes to correct the statement made in the Observer of last week to the effect that the company forced h«r to play. She never inteuded to impute blame to anyone but tbe manager. — G. Sheridan. [When Miss Sheridan has finally made up her miud as to what she really does intend to say about the company, we shall be glad to have her mature opinion on the subject.— Ed. Obs.]. Mr Shaw, a Wellington barrister, quoted a case the other day where fifteen Knglish judges held ttiat biting a joint off a policeman'B finger did not come under the head of " wouuding," as the biting with tl.e teeth could not be held to be using an instrument If this is good law, we expect to see police-fiuger, a la Rime, be-, coming a regular urticle of diet among the criminal classes. We know one or two- who have fingers big enough to make a meal for an average navvy. A BARMAID'S PROTEST. A barmaid sends the following written on scented paper, and in a style of handwriting bearing a striking resemblance to a billet doux we ouce received from Ju — xusalem ! we were nearly letting the cat out of the bag. .Munis the word ! — Oh ! shut tip, " Non-Abstainer," do ; What have barmaids done to you ? HasSsorne young frolicsome deceiver •; Put toonmcb froth ou your " longsleever ?" No doubt you're some reformed old buffer, , r Who from your youthful vices suffer, :. ' Compounding sins you have a mind to By damning those you're not inclined to. w As the time approaches for the grand chess tovmuunent, whichria to take, place in Abbott's Opera House on the 10th September, public interest in the affair increases. Owing to" the great demand for tickets, it has beeu found necessary to arrange for a second performance on the 12th. The dresses will be in the highest style of the milliner's art, and the inußical arrangements will fee under the..Cond.uctorship of Herr Carl Schmitt. The box/plan is on view at Lennox's. Mr ibargaville, on second thoughts^ explains that it w£s not his intention to impute " personal (Us-,, honesty" to Major Atkinson, " but he certainly pid . intend to impute politicarcorruptiou." . -'- ■ " Strange, that stiftiJ 'tfiffcerence there should be, '{f ffj^yffe^edyim ai^ Tw?edledoe.'f ■ y, , . .., . A -ooliticW Says ,be tainted, JefuTn#?*{l^ctionMy)j W-itfUl

M. Tricon, thinking the Chings had a tnc(k) on at Pekin, vamoosed the ranche, and now the French threaten to peg iv to Pekin. (He'll have to peg out if he gives us any more of this stuff P. D.). The followiug item will send a thrill of joy into the bosoms of the great majority of boardinghouse keepers :— " An English magazine writer says the coming race will be toothless." The stove-age is among the remote and hoary periods of antiquity ; the lrouage belongs to the grey old past ; the age of gold is passing away ; and the age of Hash is approaching. Let buxom boarding-house keepers put on flowered drossmg gowns and rejoice. " Let the tuneful concertina raise a loud and joyful wheeze, , Bang tbe moribund piano till you dislocate the keys. For the modern age is passing— age of Mammon and of cash — , c The millennium is coining — 'tis the coming Age ot Hash." 1,500 MILES AN HOUR! T^e following telegram appeared in Tuesday's Star.— " The running "of an express traiu daily between Sydney and Melbourne in twenty minutes commences cm Monday next." 500 miles in twenty minutes ! Well, it I licks greased lightning. What a chanco to dodge a bailiff ! 500 miles in twenty minutes ! ■ Jerusalem, aint it rather thin ? It R 1500 miles au hour— whew ! Whatever is it coming to ? Let the comet bide its tail within its Vap'ry veil. 500 miles in 20 minutes ! 1500 miles an hour ! we shall soon Have a railway to the moon. A lady writing to the Lyttelton Times, expresses her astouishment at the spectacle of M.H.Ks. "sitting with their feet cocked upon the seats, or sprawling at full leugth, or laughing jeering, aud abusing one another like a lot of express-drivers. Lor bless you, ma'am, that's nothing Just take a peep at Bellamy's some night, or follow the members to their haunts after the House rises. There is a dirty little lane running off Molesworth-street which seems to have a sti-auge attraction for politicians.

There is a man milliner ufc Hamilton, and this is his first attend at "doing" tbe street dresses: — Mrs McL. appeared to great perfection, in Victoriastreet, in a dark red silk dress, bonnet of bright orange, with a green feather and three pink roses iv front. Mrs S. looked quite unique iv a dark dress, with a very large crinoline, trimmed with point de fume, and coal-scuttle bonnet. Some of her nearest friends did not know her for a time, mistaking her for one of the Salvation Army captains, until her blooming face revealed her whereabouts. Mrs C. appeared to advautiige iv velvet dress covered all over with old bailiff lace. AQUA PURA. The other day people were horrified by a rumour that the refuse of a soap and tallow factory was draining into tbe Western Springs. Now, "Aqua Pura" tells the Star that tbe City water supply is to bo polluted by a dyeing and tanning factory. With rates and taxes dire you fleece, But evils yet there are besides ; You want to make us livo in Greece, As well as tan our poor frisides. Each day some wretched " drunk" you slaughter With poisons all our skill defying ; Now you pollute ihe city water. As if enough there were not dy(e)ing. Here is a chunk, cut out of an English exchange, which will be balm in Gilead to a multitude of young bucks in banks and warehouses, and to Salvationists whose " bags " suffer from too frequent kneo-drills— One of tbe handiest inventions just cut is tbe " trouser stretcher," to cure bagging at the knees, &c. The waistbelt is held in a clamp between two flat holders, the bottoms in another clamp, and then a screw rod connects the two, and can. keep the legs stretched at any degree of tightness. YARNS AND CARPET-BAGGERS. " Mr Bracken asked the Government if it is a fact the Government admit all yarns used in carpefc-weaving duty free?" Bad luck and ruination Attind this legislation, In a state of botheration I am, and woudermint ; Here's Murphy, Holy Moses ! Free "yarns," begobs, opposes, An' divil a bigger yarner within the Parliamint. Opposing carpet-weaving! Musha, faix, it sets me grieving, For I can't bo believing he can be such a wag ; For a pig without a tail Would be nothing, I'll go bail, To a miinber that set sail without a carpet-bag. Biddy Murphy. Scenes are the order of the day in Parliament at Wellington. ' The annual soramble over the bones, and the linal rally between the Government aud the Opposition, is now on. Sir George Grey, having administered one in the bread-basket to Hanilin, who made au abortive attempt to put the extinguisher on our " grand old man," launched out into one of his characteristic attacks upon the. Government, whom he accused of enriching their friends out of native reserves at the expense of the colony. The shot struck home, simply because the charge was unfortunately too true. Major Atkinson ought not to cry out about imputing motives, when he has the impudence to insinuate, as an excuse for refusing to produce a returu which Sir George Grey had a perfect right to ask for, that it would be " improperly twisted" by thehon. gentleman. AN APOLOGY. What though I wear no crown of bays, What though no critics chant my praise, What though I wield no Orpheus lyre, My song breathes no Promethean fire, If, Ixion-liko, I daily feel The grinding of great Hermes' wheel, Or, like the Danaides of yore, I labour fruitless evermore — How can I soar to lofty flights, Or scale Parnasus suowy heights ? When interviewers come in scores, AU sorts of nuisance" and bores — - To woke, espectrvrntti, aud chew, "" r.M d Ib e last exchanges through ; To nHk a: ' Out the l&tost news, On 7.H00 and tiling to air their views; Sou-u lun»tic witu long 1 , lank hair, -■• vVilh looks of .;l*jom and^eyes that glare — Who i-eads some rayßfic,»inouruful Bong, " ; At leasl a hundred cantos long, About a Maiden, or fcb« Moon, 1 . •• To^some discordant, jingling "tune-— " Or kiadly asks you just to dip lato a pile of manuscript? 4>> v : - -•' r; - ■ ■.' Enougti i ye critics, spare yoar ink I Awl ask the bard- to takeA dxiak }■ . . . » s ;