OMNIUM GATHERUM.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 150, 28 July 1883, Page 18

OMNIUM GATHERUM.

•;=;■;' Ala Italian who was brought up for an assault :'}' 3*fc;;New York, confessed- he had not combed hia Mir for ten years. , , £Fhis 4 is , Jiothing. There an old tbp"er bright tip before Seth Smith .; ; :t^.6th4i'(day; wh<Mhad jiot coihbed his hair for M thirty yeara., ECe hadn't^ got, , any. — N.B. He ; • Jbtad been ' married a little d ver thirty years. •/. Whence comes it that in Clata's* face A'it 'f.Ji f'lhe'lily only lids a place? ' ?ii \* '''''> ? B '^because the absent l'dse adorn 'her husband's nose? ''-;>: -'At a /performance given by Stanfield and Dark ;SW HalWtorfs 1 (H. 8.), a young lady was observed '■'';■ -smuggling '"'i& cat into the entertainment. Did ■ afeo take it to prove the old saying, that "it waa v „.e nough,t o make a cal» laugh?" ~ There was' a ; novel°speetacle up Wairoa South the other day. A Blue-Ribbonite was discovered ■'_. enjoying an infantile slumber on a soft spot by .the rpadside, with. a string of : sausages gracefully , encircling hig neck in the form pf. a cravat v A young man a| Papakurafhas a grievance. He took his girl to a ball, and she made him ,^rctunty .her dancing-boots to the rendezvous. He says it -wasn't this that has seared his soul and filled his mind' with dubi'6us misgivings, but the : :V fact that' when she reached the ball-room she threw him over, refused to. dance with him, and spooned all the evening with another fellow. There is ascertain; District Judge in New .... Zealand who, a few years ago, was only a bailiff, but, by .dint of self -application and assiduous 11 siijdyj faispd himself to the, proud position of a Circuit This - fact,' which is vouched for by a veracious correspondent, is almost enough to tempt one to become a limb of the law, bnt . for 'the reflection thai'ii, '.might lead to awkward ..•: - tsomplications. Nviff sed. ','-'. Yittcent Pyke, M.H.R., adds to his shining ; virtues a knack of verse-making, and a : , correspondent at Wellington.has kindly forwarded . us Pyke's latest effusion. .It bea?3 internal as \ ."well as external evidence of haying been partly •„■ inspired by the vine-crb\yned god, and we have = .taken the liberty M pf excising some of the verses, '„'. which are morp. adapted for the edification of the „..liabitue3 of Bellamy's than the readers of a ■ Society journal. ..!■ , , TO MR GKEEN, M.H.R. My mother bids me take my pen, And tell you how my heart o'erflows ■ With gratitude for your attempts To lessen us poor shopgirls' woes. I love you all the more because '..•!; . Yourself ridiculous you make, • ' As you so often tell the House, — Entirely for your conscience sake. . . But further, for your conscience' sake, Oh ! pray believe me, Mr Green, In writing what I have, I nevEr thought of guessing what you mean. Prepare us a grave in some lonely valley, away from the busy haunts of men, where the mourn- • f ul' morepo'rk mingles ; , bis midnight moanings ipnt of m's. — P.D.) - #ith tho frolicsome frog, and the sighing zephyrs shall sing our requiem ! sJTatate we disdain. Monuments and the funereal trappings of woe we despise. For what is tvme ? It Is— " To have, when the original is dust, ;j ; ? A Jiame> p, wretched picture, and wo^s-.. bust." Some men, however, take care to have a good many " busts " before the final one. A>;d this reminds us that it is now openly staled ir. England that John Brown died of D.T. Ti-uh nmn's life hangs by a thread. Anacreou was choked by a frrapestone, Margutte died of laughter at seeing .#, s.»'mdnkey trying to pull on a pair -of his boots, trad Placut dropped dead while paying a bill. The fate of the last contains an obvious moral '.«' <-qrhi6h people are not slow to lay to heart. ; We were smoking our gold-mounted and per- -.; fumed Chibouque, and sipping champagne from ;, » golden goblet, when, a hollow-eyed, melancholy \] /wretch, with tousled hair, shambled into our 1 :^ gorgeous apartment, and, in a voice broken by frequent yawns, begged our acceptance of the ..; following scrap : — siid to hoar the watchdog's diamal howl, , '. > ■'- " WHan reused from midnight slumbers by the scund, Exciting one to use of langaage foul, i, .■ . While spattering' sundry missies all around. *Tia.wbrse to hear the prowling cat's nm-ri-au-au, In hideous chorus iv the still night air, "While women shudaer at the awful row, Strong men blaspheme and tear their scanty hair. While we were, reading this precious effusion the man fell asleep in a chair, and it took several .. -„ ij° n S 8 - a . n< * prods with the office file, to rouse him ..'•/ixp.' He awoke with a wild yell of " Sh— cat !" ..and, laying hands on everything within his reach j, books, files, manuscript, and the : J best hat — commenced scattering things . around, like a man trying to save property at a :fire. When' he recovered - consciousness and realised the situation, he murmured in a broken £>7rok>e,:.'? Bxouse me, mister, I thought it was them , cats agin — I haven't had any sleep for a month acldr int. another instant lie was 'mp'-\.'.. ■■■'■■ ■ ■ • '■•'• '■•■ carpets hung paving abroad in the breeze, . Ahroad in the breeze as the sun went down ; 1 Andthree husbands, with patches of dirt on their knees, WflHCked whackd that *ere' heard for mile 3up and • . down. . „U f. , Xor.men must work and' women must clean, A^jd the carpots be beaten, no matter how mean, While the neighbours do the bossing. 33iree pftg|e*?ivfi,s leaned out of their windows raised— .O£*fe(ics|WinaowVraisad,, whore the light streamed in : And-mßjrSpruobed and scrubD<Bd..till thoir heads grew And thei? heads were filled with a horrible din. Por the pob will fall, and kettles go bang, ■ And boilers refuse in the attics to hang, While the husbands do tho swearing. ._ Three judgesi&at on their benphies to judge Three cases that, came from a house-cleaning row : ■The *artte^;ftßßerted they never would budge, Bat Wanted diVorcea < '.right here, and now." '/'.'; • 8o the men vent off and the women went home. And hereafter will dp ,thpir house-cleaning aloue, ■ , While their former partners snicker, v : ■ . . The greiafc sensafciph in Napiet 1 fche other day i'dogi.fight on Wgiv scq-le. Two prominent residents, one otririi6in- is] a ■:. medicaJL^s»an^ own . tVie^corner of

ytovrj /eticii btlietf^iNdfr was seen the manly form of-,;Cbnst9ibio, McGm,(^ho,. promptly read the Riot Act, but finding thia of no avail, began lashing out right" and 'left*;yith his. feet among the dogs. Atthis 3 atfbture the doctor arrived on the scene, and roundly abused the constable, threatening him' with dismissal, and sundry other pains 'and penalties. The best of the joke is, that the owners are, sa.id to be about as well disposed towards each other as the dogs.