THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 147, 7 July 1883, Page 244

THE COUNTRY

Hoteo NoBTHi — Ask P., to explain how he got severely burnt when trying to extinguish that " flame " in Wellsford. Kamo.— -The Chinese cook has at last arrived at the Exchange Hotel, and, most remarkably, has, in deference to European proclivities, had his tail out off. Success to the proprietor and his spirited venture. "Waiboa South. — The young ladies hope a new M.O. will 1 be chosen for the Ploughing Match 8a11.*... S. C. spbi-ts a gold ring how .i.The singing-class is. greatly missed as a meet-ing-place. • '■ OnehtJNG-A. — Charley 19 monopolising Miss, P. since . Johnny's departure.. Jimmy shirked practice on , under the pretence of visiting a 'sick. iqa(ide)n>( Nyum, nyum S. has .come, out of shell at last,. and dances like an elephant, . . .Practice makes perfect. Waiptt.— The has two strings to her b0w...... What was the meaning of that par in the Weelcly Nevis about a certain divine labouring in the vineyard ? The teachers -must have felt relieved when they were permitted to goto church • to hear a sermon by the new light. , PanmtTbe.^W 1 . intends starting a weekly dance 5h0rt1y...... Samson has resolved to keep his appointment on Sunday, since that fair Hebe implored him not to forget Some of our boys intend following Neil's example by taking the matrimonial leap. Is the Heathen Chinee amongst the number ? Has Louisa gained the ■ affections of our modest clerk ?

WhaN&AHEL — The banker is anxious for B.s return. The doctor has resumed his duties since the return of the charmer to the paternal roof .The young ladies are getting reconciled to J.s absence, while the poor fellow is never weary of singing, "Some day I'll wander back again.",.. ... Johnny says that he cannot do justice to B. and " Maid of Athens " as well, and has determined to give racing best Is it simply owing to her good looks that the girls hare such. a down on " the pretty little stranger ?' J Wayeeley. — Pheasants and wild ducks have had rather a rough time of it this season. Two local sportsmen while. on a shooting tour rose a handsome pheasant. One thought the bird would go high for dinner, but aimed too low and potted a valuable dog. Another thought lie would like a trip round the lakes, and got his bag full of a decoy duck, whioh he shot about half-a-dozen times Tom's gone bush-wacking ;he says jam-tart life don't suit here. He surely means matrimony The Quadrille Assembly held its second dance last week, which was a great success. OtahVhtt. — Barney scorns the idea of visiting Panmure for oysters, they being scarce in the vicinity of Pig-street. What about- the pippies ? Phil, has taken to horse doctoring since A. borrowed his hack and galled its back Why didn't Hannah accept G-.'s kind offer, in place of allowing that grey-headed married man to see her home? The dressmaking establishment of King-street appears to be the' great attraction for ! the two L.'s. Is it for phrenological purposes ? J. C. is a dabster at shooting hares, but prefers a pot-shot, and generally blows them into fragments Mick L. has resolved to give up courting since the fox caught him spooning with his servant girl J. W. has discontinued to sing "Sweet Alice, where art thou," since 3he left for Papatoitoi No more rides for Jane since she broke the pummel of her saddle ; nothing to hold on by now. Abataptj. — It seems as if the bachelors in the district meant, business, as we have had no less than four marriages in three weeks, and three more are coining off immediately. One couple. who are regular attendants at the Sunday-school, thought it t$ long to wait a few hours for the parson, so they adjourned to our local J.P., who with his usual promptness made them 0ne....;. Was Balaam aware that Joe was going to

■ ttie ball wlien he asserted that all those who wnt there were on the straight road to a place Sb>."*al degrees hotter than the Equator? It is to be hoped that that young man will refrain from peeping through windows and sneaking into woodsheds when next he goes wooing So diligently did one man work at stowing away the refreshments at the ball; that when that important task was finished he found it; necessary to lay at full length on some forms, and requested a bystander to give him some water, as his feelings savoured iriuch of sea-sickness. Opotiki. — Little H. G-. W. is fast becoming a power in the land. , He has beaten his antagonist on the great hotel question (w)right out of the field. All success to our worthy four-feet-nothing. There is more pluck and judgment in him than in all the, ." sweetness long drawn out " of his elongated opponent.. ..'..An institution . under the startling cognomon of the OpotiJci Herald; has recently been developed here, and a perusal of its leading articles is apt to lead one into the brownest, of Brown (e) studies. The material of the paper, howersr, possesses the advantage of pliability. But a more philanthropic mdmber of our community has imported a fcypograph, whic^i he not inaptly styles a ta^o-graph. He has distributed copies of his first effusion gratuitously amongst an admiring, circle of acquaintances, and as a local poetical effort it is not discreditable. I enclose a copy of the first few lines, and would have quoted further!, but the termination of the fourth line is so personally suggestive of "the author that I refrain. It is called " Lochiel's Warning" : — " Oh ! King of Otara, beware of the day "When the. voters shall meet in bog-trotting array, I'or a field of chaw-bacons appears in my sight, Lod on by the Doctor to thinly vote, and slate.''

Whang- aboa Nobth. — Why wasjthe collection plate taken to the Anglican Church, and not returned ? The Wesleyan minister being obliged togofor.ifc Who was mean enough to take down Vhe candle brackets? They were made by an Anglican, who "was, no doubt, determined the W* should not use them The secretary of all secretaries and office bearer of all office bearers received a gentle hint from a tonic-sol-fa-class man, to do things en regie. He has a great hfbit of inaking notes on slips of paper. The usual huff was the result The announcement of a Wesleyan concert to be held shortly has caused quite a stir among the Anglican leaders, especially the secretary, who has taken it to heart because he's out of it this time Hypocrisy is the fashion-^-days. Some have the .presumption to stand up weekly and '.preach the gospel. What next ! Leave that to others, Mr B. and S., Avho are more fit. Waitara. —Parky has reached the height of his ambition in getting into the. Town Board. Peter H. told Parky he was going to vote for him, and the result was a glass of colonial, after drinking which it turned out Peter had already voted for the other candidate ; Parky has since been heard whistling, " When we meet to^part no more " Another shining light in the temperarice cause is a candidate for the whitewash brush Is it true that Mrs Bob woke up hungry the other night and ate all old Bob's seed onions ? Who is so anxious to be the captain of the new fire brigade ?; Doesn't it seem strange that a parson and three temperance men should sing " Here's a health to all good lassies " at the choral practices. I It would show more breeding if a certain man would abstain from smacking his chops over those eternal lollies between the pieces What a prettydress Mrs T. had on the other day ; brown suits her complexion beautifully. Rama-rama. — We have had a " ball " ! ! (so we call it) — I mean a dance, but you know it sounds better to call it a " ball." We invited all the Smiths, Browns, Joneses and Johnsons we could think of, and we gave them jam tart 3 and —(I will not make a list of all the, good things, because you know till about it). It would. have** clone your heart good to see how that young man could eat them ; yes, he could always " take a tart." Then those dresses in stuff like my shirt, and those liku my common pocket handkerchief, and those like the cover of my umbrella, I were enough to make the invidjous feel they

were only rich enough to Vuy one. ! Sh-.- h,ii ; — -f too small — was lighted up before 1 got ;'v>< <••-, L,ntrhad I arrived earlier I should haTep-^%,- U,- iat - dreadful candle somewhere wbere it > d aofe_ : „j have run down my back, spoiling oiy b. i :\ | meetings. Our German instrument son/crimes- 1 got so shoffc of puff that not a few stiggteted a . cough lozenge, but so used to the tramps/tramp,,, tramp are we that really I think we dant-e moru ■ to time than music, and have often thought wecould do without music. What a shame =to play. --; such a shabby trick on the new biidwgvoonu i§ Someone fastened" the paper in wbj^h they M brought their paper collar or boots tQ/\.fi||&Hlgggyf| the said martyr. Mias S. waß waiting !§P||tll darling, but he did not coni#. . By the tivHj^^^ "Morepork" began his love-song, the .".J^^^^H was seeking a mate, and, to make his appeaa^^^H acceptable, robbed her of some of her plum^|^^| and might have been seen fluttering about, filleoH with rapture at his own looks a^dj success. He--™ is only' half -fledged, and, this being early in the^ peason for pairing, some allowance must be madefor his awkwardness. He should tahte lessons^ from older birds. Don't tell, but he is going up* to JBombay soon, just to see I—perhaps1 — perhaps the moon.. I wish him success, but what would hjs ma say if she knew? 1 Mrs B. was dressed in velvet—OE nearly forgot to mention it. Our room of: dresses would have looked very poor but foxsome like this. Ido not know if I oi%ht tocross out "some" and put "one," but if it is a fib' I'll leave it. I am one who likes to see a thing: done well, and wasn't ours done well ! .We hai to take our turn in going into the hall fro dancing, as somehow all came who were invited, : . which we- did not expect, and there was rooms only for half of us at a time ;' but we sballlao^. ask so many riext time. I ought to tell Tqu,-*?' observed some who always get a lion's eftatee, bute^| do not give a lion's share. Mrs E||y3xerted'.^ herself as usual to make this a; succ.^^and it. would have been nothing without we parted our heads were noddihgW|jfjj<|ft OU |IP eyelids heavy. Don't tell'mother — sis o'clock; ! ; %^ New PLTMOTiTH|(p-The Obseetebs f did not| J reach New Plymouth last week in good tu^bfl|pgp - ! •sevei'al days behind due date, and flfjere were?^ many anxious enquiries as to the cafase". of" |ilie' x * delay. However, when it did turn up at the* |g Institute, there was quite a rash after it, and evei'yone had to wait their turn. Jf this unusuaß. rush continues, the Institute Committee "will be: petitioned to get extra copies...... New^Plymquth/i^i has had a continuous round of amusements lately ,^|y and if the inhabitants do not sober down a trifle;; it will end in a case of general ba^ruptcy.. Wilmott's Combination have had a mofj§BUceeßS«---ful run of. a fortnight, and two balja have occurred within three week's of each other ; 'besides^ soirees,, concerts, 'and minstrel- ©nteniainments^. It is more than probable that the eburcb JBc&iections .have suffered considerably by this .Kstive-' state.of -affairs, and no doubt the clergy will seei the necessity f^r correction Qfthepeople'smorals?:.. ; Yankees are generally supposed t<^>, be.j smarts T>eopl», and -when fcHey a.ve>, b;y- any citance,- " bad '» there is always a lojj?£ tall taLking. Last Satuaß^ day Professor Sam'pie {v<-ho had been deligJjjj^Bfc Auckland auclienotts wii,h his woiid^rfx^T^aH^H ledge of horses) was under ewgagenient to aJsj^P^ at th©' Alexandra Hull,' Now Plymouth, -ansKfc tbe hour appoiefcecl a large svoml »ase£ES>led\t; the Hall, but fche -Professor was non est. : He was* at that exact ?nomenfc of time at the mouth of ties •Waifcasa rivet, on board the s.s. Tiii,' but that 1 : vessel could not; cross tlit» bar, and sofMr Sample-■y-as completely sold. He offered the captain a & fabulous aiirn of irionoy to land him aay wh«?e oa. & the shore that "lie could reach New^ly-.. mouth } bufe no amount of swearing or* ;l ' bribery could induce the skipper to acquiese VYhat a terrible time the poor canine quadrupeds have had of it during the last week. Themajority of our valuat3"e dogs have been poisoned by some spiteful wretches, who, probably n0t)..,, having pure-bred animals themselves, $jsv-' , envious of other people's. There was agre^puna. on the saddlers for muzzles to px'event ' c \^ & d O g S =. from picking up the poison laid do wr, f o i-thein in> the streets, but I did not hear of_ mothers. taking: the same precautions with r e^ v^ ii tt ] c , ones, although the danger waß as grea t f or - dren as for dogs T'j a t j.^ merchant referred^ ' to in a previous letter has been anxiously inquiring for the correspondent of the Obsebtee.He swears if he Gan only find his man he will give aim a quantity of lead at a cheaper rate thanAbbot got it. The Obsebveb is now the rage ! here, if one can judge from the remarks made bjf one of our leading medicos, who was heard delivering in a loud voice at Black's corner that he . must subscribe to the Obsebvee again The--same doctor is rather impressionable, or else howcan he account for his Btrahge conduct at the-" theatre the other night ? During the progress^ the thrilling drama "Led Astray," he was-, deeply affected at the distress of the heroine,, and called o ( ut, " The only thing to cure her is acroton oil pill!" Who.is that girl inSt. Mary's^ choir that is such awful _" spoons "on the soft- ' goods man ? The Archdeacon \had better see to- ; it that another rule is added to the choir rules,, requiring all andsundry of the vocalists # paymore attention to the sormdri. That rule will begeneral enough in its character to catch one oi~ two of those light-headed young members w.ho- '-, amuse themselves w^th* conversation lozenges, .k^, •. I hear young T., of the Land OfEee, is engsfeedl . to Miss P., 1 - of York Terrace, btit the engag>{Jthfc will not bo •, sanctioned by the old. folks uBb v he attends church more .regularly...-. ,;.;' i - i Thc^^Bfc'' so near and yet. so far "■ is thesbng o'bnsfflß^^ being warbled by that excellent young, vdpisfe:-. • residing at the corner of Derohand Elh.ot streets:.--. Will young a., of Auckland, not come back to >'> console her before she dies 'of a broken-heart ? " A strange proceeding was observed the.othei* - ' day when a number of bank employes acted qn' ' the capacity of bailiffs, taking possession of new band instruments which liad bean subsfcribed for by the public and presented to the town band. What was the idea? Has -the band become — bankrupt and has the bank stepped in, taking possession of the instruments on accoiint 'o-fili© overdraught of the band fund ? 'An explanatilfr t from the bandrnasterVould be gratefully reoei^bd. '^ by a host of subscribers. . .w • '',

— Mr Gilbert is said to be engaged on an operetta founded on " The Princess."