EXCUSES.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 147, 7 July 1883, Page 258

EXCUSES.

/V ."• WifAT.-tHB- Mas- ->#h a y Cane got toe - '-TiCT.LIN'G- *os£%Vi&i \±, jßl>iE-AaED, ■ .iljjshy man, a littie short of .;Kuu', anfr, bre^nVccarijying a cane, ' camo into' our, ojffice one meriting I^his week, and after being aeated and' naming /some remarks ! about the gorgeous surroundings/he said : ' | " I .see Edison "has got patent^ on orei 1 three hundred^in-v'entioijs.* .Sjdww'ny don't he originate a new excuse* 'oii'd confer a boon on suffering humanity ?"; • ' , , f We admitted that Edison was a' great inventor, but could not. understand what the caller meant by a new excuse, and asked him what he had reference to. " Why," said the man, as he took a cigar off the mantel, " what we want is a new- excuse for slaying out nights, an excuse that will have the semblance of truth and sincerity. Now, 1 stay down town every night till about eleven o'clock, 'and I tell you it is a good deal of work to. figure out excuses for my absence, different excuses, tou know, so that my wife will be good-natured." " Have you ever tried the lodge racket, and meeting a customer from the country ?" we asked with a smile of re-assurance. " Ob, lodge be dashed," said he as he scratched a match on his sleeve. " I have played all the lodges in town on her, until she does not believe a word of it; and it is humiliating to a sensitive man to be disbelieved. I have played the country customer dodge for twelve years, but last year I Avent out of business, and since then I have' been meeting old creditors among my former customers, to settle with them, until my old partner told my wii'e that I didn't have anything to do with' settling the accounts of the firm, and for the last six' months I have been attending committee meetings of stock companies, in which 1 don't own a shilling of stjek. 1 just keep wnti'h of the pipers, and when 1 sea there is to be a meeting of .untiling from the Society for the prevention of cruelty to kp dogs to the St James' Mutual Improvement. Association. I use that .as an excuse, i have tried everything to make thing?, pleasant, but it seems to me all the excuses j are exhausted, or the women have got into the racket,, and I do wish an editor or some smart man I would think up a new excuse and charge us a ! royalty oil it. 1 would be willing to pay." '•Did von ever try telling the truth about where you, were nights, and what you were. doin»? Why l-'ot 101 l your wife right out, that you h.ivo >■.•<>.•!! ont with tin 1 boys pining euchre, ami throw <..uirsell ! on her mercy ?' : "By Geoi-»c, it is a good idea. T sever | -thouiilit of tluit. I'll try it.," and he wont out j=i!'bin.<_r his cane on the golden stairs. The next iin\ v.' li. ard somebody r.-ip at the door softly, ami al the .word "come in," the door opened and Ir.c man who w-juiei! an excuse, limped in. ll v had ':». .lolh Lied rpund lih Iks id, o^cr one tsyv, an ( ! M..pi< 3 ri j of 'bl-'ck 'court plaisler from his nose ctort-n under -iiis'ear. We asked him if lie had 1 „. eHe H teHmg tbft truth. Lifting the cloth fro--) ever hi^MJ^atid 1 slie.wing-the worstJooking nLick " bj^d^^Bt was, he said 1 ; ' v ;ij r , ; ;^

"Yes, I' tried it; and if my life is spared, I snail not tell the truth any more. I believe you knew she would hit me with- the cover to a wash bowl. When I said I.had been playing euchre, she flew right off the handle and [said she 1 had mistrusted for years. that she was wedded to a gambler, and thatfsettled.it;. I said it was a liej that I was not a gambler, tmt '. billy played for exercise. I owe you One for this black eye," and taking a handful of cigars he lirnpecl, out. Still, we maintain that the truth is safest, generally.