OMNIUM GATHERUM.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 147, 7 July 1883, Page 250

OMNIUM GATHERUM.

So the portfolio of Minister of Agriculture if ! not to be allotted till after the prorogation. It | is, as we suspected from the first, the bunch of j carrots over again. j A correspondent defines a cormorant land j swallower iis a cross between a shark and a cuttlefish, he first grabs all ha can get, and then, if molested, discharges gallons of ink to cover his - flight. We can hand in our checks now and cross "the Styx without misgivings. Wo hare done the Stale some service and they know it. INo sooner did that beautiful illustration of the pairing of die members for Thames and Waipa appear iv Friday's Ojjsmivek that the truant, pair signified their retention of proceeding to Wellington on the following Sunday. A sporting paper, writing of the recent public mill iv Sydney, said: — "Miller got into Foleifs mouth three times." If they breed many mou like iFoley over Sydney way, there will soon be a fall in the rental of caves. Foley's mouth, evidently, only requires a tramp inside and a bobbj with a. bull's-eye at the entrance to be a wharf boiler. Miller is a. 13st. 91b. man, and stands sft. 9;fin. high. J. (t. S. Grant, of Dtineclii?, advoe.-ites the reestablishing of distilleries in New Zealand, thinks with Burns that "Freedom and whisky g»ng together," and that " some of our cadaverous and emaciated public men would be greatly benefited, both physically and mentally, by occasional potations of the water of life, pure as the dew of ouif| picturesque mountains and glens." Here ia a good subject for the Blue Uibbomtes to operateon. There was a gay, gallant old beau Each night to the theatre did geau, And he stayed out each scene Witk a drink in betwene, The ballet delighted him seau. ' He nightly would sling big bouquets, Indulge in most 'frantic hoovnets, And would show clear enough He was "well up to snough, 33y calling the actresses fuefcs. It makes a man shiver to read the advertiserrißnts in the Queen, the lady's nen-!?pfip?r. Wh::t with (he stays fc make the dear girls look beautiful in front, the erinoletfes fo cause them to' ijo lovely behind, what with hloom stuff for the complexion, " JTohal " for the eyes, material for making the hands look nico, invisible head coverin:;;?, ruse powders, hair destroyers, curling- fluids,' 'breads improvers, face "wash. I.*,1 .*, avl.ii'icul teeth, I j. vernier how much of the fenii^ i. ; vecA. j There vas a t'onrioil ticene on the "West Coatl the other c!- : !-y. The . driver of a coach, who had ! b'-t-n ,(>-C"#-ic-iJtivo fo the kMchiug:-; of the Jzlue litbbon Aixvty, got the vehicle*bo;.'gcd in a creek, i iiiid tliere was a general overhaul o£ the baggage to ascertain the extent of damage. A lively young bushman bewailed the wreck of a slang-wanging conqertina, another passenger spread out on tho ground to dry about a .hundred photographs of the fair sex, the fchird i man,.a,pai > soui of course, had nothing lefjb;bub.a-»izor,,ft corkscrew', 1 a^id^ai liyain. TUe dnvW^^onl^il^l^^was^w^ '.' ;{ ,;; ' -.' ;"'."'• '. ' ,XM' \-JMj.'ii'.^'. ;^i^i , ; . : '^^t?t« .■'■.

Everybody has heard of the illustrious Cockney' who was surprised on His " first thirfcyrsliiliing tour to Paree, when he discovered that; even, the> very gamins spoke French. '. A > ,Njj>rtberii 11 special " was astonished at finding thatOeT'entheV^ newspaper runners in Wellington lock;: fat; : -itnd „ honest, and wear shoes and stockings.. But f hen ■ they haven't got any scoria in Wellington, and the. running doesn't.- aniouut to much. The city js-isa.;; small that the people mostly get their papers a£ < the offices. ' . , , - It was bvit a simple pin / On a chair, ' ■. •• <" And the. little boy did grin /■■■.;.. :' i •Like a hear .• . ; . .; "V, When the teacher took, a seat,, . „ , J And in manner very fleet ' , . Fiejv half a hundred, feet , „. . v '•<•■•" '„ In the air. This th a. teacher doth, annoy, And he chants, . , And 'no pardon to the boy • Quick he grants.' . "' - ; • But he grabs the indiscreet fi ' '•'.."■ .-' Little boy and him cloth beat ( ..." Till he rather spoils the geafc ■■* \ Of his "pants." , . '. Time works wonders. On the ■■ first' day, of the first month of the year, a maiden fair held on to the front gate of the. paternal. .mansion}: arid. ; wafted a thousand ambrosial kisses (each 18 . carat) after the manly form of a'younggi'oeer's cleric, whose chief recommendations, were, a pair • of umbrageous ears, a jibooni nose, a -volcanic mouth, the appetite of an ostrich, and-'-'a canecoloured moustache, like that of a buck-rat or a Bashi-Bazouk. On the last day of June the va PPJ P au> wen t into double harness, and now when her Adonis jjolkas out for a gamp of , billiards, his weaker vessel stands at another' gate and pelts him all. the way down the' street' -witty opprobrious epithets and blue metal. Moral: Men should- never marry till they rwan't anin'se^'. and women should never marry — till they're ■-"'. asked. . ; , : . SUNRISE. ' , ' He was a bard ; his hair was long, j •«'/•,?.' He'd all that e'er pertained to song : „ A soft eye that in frenzy rocks, A block-tin collar, two odd socks ; • ■>■'■ '■ '■■■. " A wife — nnd this fact caps the whole—^ Who hated poetry from her soul ! . '..-., He drew aside. the blind at dawn, ■ ,i\~ ■ And gazed out on the scented morn. " Oh, ecstacy !" he cried " behold . • The ea&t all tinged with red sad go-Id ; The gorgeous sheen — a heav'uly r,.;iu— That flecks the leaves in the Doinaiu." " And, ns he twanged his airy lyre, She cried : " Your turn to light the "fife." WANTED, A POLICY. Air : " Wanted a Governess." Major Atkinson sings — Wanted, a Policy, fitted to. fill . ■ - A Governor's speech with appearance of skill ; Highly respectable, sufe to. secure ' . Steady m-WoTi'tics, silent, aurl r-^ro. .Vri^.;-,'! he wii^leful, i'.!V J j;.-.ii;r.-v >■. 'c.<*r. " \ :\'C\-.- '.ivr o:-.;>c ■•is l vo. th- ■'. oKliiiti'. > .-. show. i\.. .;■.' (■!' !i;j iiwrc. iht-ny'ti. wore o^fiJ tv LuT)« V>'r..-'i;(>.cl, a Ti:',U-y : VC'TL yuii supply ? if. Pollfrv-. >:■.,;.-. ■' \r-v;'i. !;,r!'i : >. '< \Le k'V.sl 'naps- •..>!' ai'f.'V.'i' ••• :.;;~-:igu ; C-;n'{ raic-e \l\r ghv&i oi' a panic again. . :, If we say, "Kative Question's been settled by Bryce," "You said that before," men reply in a trice, " Each year you have settled that question," they " We want a fresh Policy ; can't you supply ?" Wanted,. a kind Opposition to show , ■ Poor puzzled Ministers how they should go : j ' Wunicd, a prucess, e.fLeetL\e aud bumuiua-.y, v "- ' I (1 or drawing ideas from the brain of Montgomery. (Don't think he's got any, though) --JBufc 'there's He's lcepb us going for many a day. .. Come, Sir (xeorgo : once again : iie'vcv say die I, Wanted, a Policy ; won't supply ? Wanted, a Policy. Eollcston is dull ; r irfcnou3 Dick a bit dense ili the skull j Johnston the iiuutii over seeking to rob; Whitakor up to fclie eyes :u a job ; Oliver useless ; and Brycc nlways ill ; ' ' Connolly cms! red uit!i his Bankruptcy Bill j Ko one to help me, or heed to vaj cry, . ■ "Wanted, a Policy : won't you supply ?" Wanted, a Policy. Any will do, . •-■''. Liberal, .Radical, Tory — true blue. How shall we pipe to*you ? Row shall we dance ? ' What would you wish in the way of 'Finance ? Progress or Poverty, Movement or Rest ? Great; you know tho best. One if you like not, the otkor we'll try. • ' Wanted, a Policy ; won't you supply \ By the H'awea, which left last week for the South, a Salvation Army lieutenant was despatched to wage Avar with his Satanic Majesty in Timavu. . It whs the intention of this. youth to open his campaign amongst Ills le]low. passengers on .commencement of the passage, but fortunately fur himself he discovered that the U.S.S. Company carry their own I'ar.wns on board', the JTnwon, which .«f,(!iimj?r li:is i!.1,-;o a Icitj and well- ' built. Cltanjne/. in the virthiii-y of the room. Oh crossing the Iviuuukau bar he found a new occupation in feeding the fishes, which he continued fhroughuut^Keraatfly with wrestling with, the book of Revelations, and si-jarolniig for Pnni's authority to use a. JiU;! <; vane for tho " sl-..nn:ieh's iiclu-," as sin nuthovivv i^i- Huh v, i.-.dui-u in a' ht-i-.!-.- p.b. in ov-'U-i'lo ,-rd JVrM'T tb» iom'v inn-,). We would have thor^-hi iht-.t Ti'm^m .' conlii have provided .fiv-.a ;<,no;n{~,t her liirriidns hoy own evjin^elisirf without in? porting JJoToJre 1 from who, judging" horn his loaf emx-.nllc, would bo bettor employed in sticking.'' to his last and mending soles than 'attempting to ■ savo any in Timaru. ' . ,

Motheb Swan's ,;WoitM Syrup.— lnfallible, tasteless, harmless, cathartic; for fevevtshness, restless-'ness,-worms, constipation. Ik. I "' itoses, Moss &Co * Sydney, General Ageats. v'• • ' •