THE FLIRT PAPERS.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 146, 30 June 1883, Page 232

THE FLIRT PAPERS.

,*j,v'>. •x-,:.-VPtv^f'Pia> ! ; S^l3r.);;*_ , ': i i./; i No/4— PiifiTlTidl^S "WttHC'iniMBEES OP TkE , .: • . ■ -.. .-.-,v>sffißß. 1 ,. , , • •«.. a g° ■*- »tten4f4) a cftftai? l?all, .at whicltf there was a yokng lady; ;v?ho was universally jfro-, the don't \kno>v . exactly whyi She was nottoMyiahcy very handsome, but slie yr&a rery loudly drbased; talked ' incessantly, went through, , every dance. „ on tlxe programme ;wjitb> great and sprightlin^ssi' and, seemed to Bejori the iriost friendly terms with' all the bestJooking T 0 "?? Allows ,who were present, . Of course, I do, hot' intend to describe' her- costume I chiefly, because .that it is a subject with which I am not particularly -au'/di't, and 'if TWrteinpted it-I should probably. fal|[ intp.Bpme awful blunder which Would, niake me, ithe'laughirig-Btbbk of my readers. There are wbrcls in 'the jargon of mUlinery which are fearfully and wpnderfully made, and are not to' be founds in any dictionary extant that^l know of. Yeteyerybody (except some' of the" women)' pronounced Her "a stunner,'' % : '' cUpper,'' and a beauty. Several of the men went into ecstacies about her, and had to driAka ; gQod,many brandies. jto restrain, their enthusiasm. It muefcbe a, splendid. thing to be a reigriing belle. Next to being a Civil servant or a successful speculator I:sTbtpuldJ[ike;;Naturp tp(;hav.e :cut me out for a majestic beauty. If you 'speak- to some , women about it fjhey, will say , it,i» 3 a disadvantage, tha^,beiies'are 5 a jarifle/fastj not by any means clever,. and. thajbi they 'can't see what ithe men fancy in them ; but don't you be sucji a ninny as to believe 'em.- -The 'divinity ,I, speak of was one dfvthp8 l e tall 1 style of beauties who have lately, opine iriW iashixm', It was . Monsjeiir &revm who* first began it./ At! one. leap he surpassed all 1 designer's df stage- costumes' that had everlivod. ]/He hadmadeja discovery;;' HHioimd that as a^rule female nature ran short' in the leg, and he improved on female nature. He gave;Ml ladies, legs that.w<?re too long, for their bodieHl His success was triumphant. Dresses had never before looked^ half so w t «ll. "Worth and^ other modistes have?ca|ried tike. discoVery f ur|h^jr w and hence chamois-leather underclothing, p*uli-backs, and 'narrow skirts. - ' .' ■' - But to my horror next day, ,on a bright jjunny afternoon, I saw that beauty walking jwith a ' polieemfln in' Ponsrinby. I could not be mlstaten, though the bobby was in plain, clothes, and had temporarily put off that erect gait and authoritative severity which I had observed when, he was pn his beat in Queen-street. The policeman of the colonies is a very different sort* of animal from the "peeler" of the Old Country^ He is, insbme cases, a scion of npbility,'a swell of aristocratic connections, who has run through no of money,, and has joined the " foorce " as a more congenial alternative than taking to the pick and shovel. Off duty you will meet him in fashionably cut clothes, a standup collar, and a > stpvepipe hat, smoking a cigar, acd doing some effective duty as a masher. Mr Horace Mayljew, writing of the remodelled policeman of 181 5, says : — " A. singular wild creature came up some ' steps that were underground df : a : large mansion opposite, a morose-looking, animal with immense whiskers, an oilskin cape, and splay feet." No* conbraßt could be greater than 1 that between the' English peeler, reeler, cop, Bobby, Robert, or whatever he was^ called, and the gentlemanly constable of our times. With his well-fitting tunic, smartly cut unmentionables, nicely polished boots, and martial helmet, there ia that about him ; which is calculated to create awe and inspire love. He is no longer the butt of the pantomimes and ! the beloved of cookies. I don't say this oat of any disrespect for the cooks. There is no clats of females for whom I entertain a higher degree of respect and admiration — especially about dinner time, and I believe a cook is just as well qualified to inipire a tender passion as a reigning belle; What says the poet ? — " A fire she's made within my breast "Without the help 6£ fuel ; A calf's head on my shoulders placed, My soul is water gruel. Would Pythagoras set me free From, a life of melancholy! to A little turnspjt dog'l'd be, w And turn the wheel for Folly." But the A.C., or " mimbah ay the fooree " in New Zealand looks higher tban the kitchen.' ;He has his eagle eye on plump widows with comfortable little properties, handsome barmaids, 'and shopkeepers' daughters. From his coign of vantage in the street he .surveys the girls promenading the footpath, and impresses them, "with 1 his majestic (bearing and protective look. He niay sometimes have the'good fortune to succour beauty in distress, and to open a friendly 'acquaintance which ripens into an attachment. As I said before, I don't mean to disparage cooks, I hold that every women should be a cook, and that every man should marry a cook,- not necessarily his own, you know, but one of; the students of Miss — hang it I forget her name, — who gave a series of lessons in Auckland some time ago. If women would only pay a little more attention to the art of cooking, there would, not be so many lonely old maids, with no pets 'and companions but tortoise-shell cats, French poodles, and canaries. The avenue to a man's heart is of tenest through his palate. This ■. is what used to make the cooks such formidable rivals with the housemaids for the affections of the policeman. • - . Well, I declare, Here' have I been meandering along in this loose fashion about cooks and policemen till I have quite wandered off into by-paths,' off my beat, in fact. " I watch .that majestic beauty, the belle of the ball, aad the tall policeman strolling along by the Surrey Hills Estate, and the spectacle calls; up many interesting reflections on the difference between the social condition of people at Home and in. the colonies. I, know (from information received) . that they are making plans for the approaching wedding, that they will take ''a public," but -I dare not give any further particulars at present, for I see that astute Constable bias hiseye pn> me, ,and appears half inclined to arrest 'rae for obstructing him in the execution of his duty, bo; I lpofc; steadfastly ! away in another directidn and jpretebd td/bej absorbed in the coatempl^tion^^of \ som? diitant '■ object. ' Ta^titara. \ '^ "M ter fflF itiiere ji,re tames \ when a policeman's .lot fifVa^^Happy oiiei ' }? -^