SPECIAL DESPATCHES

Observer, Volume 5, Issue 116, 2 December 1882, Page 184

SPECIAL DESPATCHES

No. I. — Vehcs and the Comet vs Conjuno-

TION — AIABMING- POETENT,

December 5, 1882, The comet to-day being in perihelion, just as the Transit of Venus was about to commence, a most unusual phenomenon was witnessed. Mars was in the fourth house, and was keeping a weather eye on Jupiter, who was at the extreme point of declination, betokening that cold water was to be thrown on some warlike enterprise. Just then, Venus, emerging from the sign of the Virgin, made advances to the sun ; and the music of the spheres was preparing to break forth in the chorus, " Sio transit gloria mundi," when the Comet, with one swish of its powerful tail, placed itself between Venus and old Sol, being thus in conjunction with the former, and in interjection with the latter. (" Oh !") Then there were seen traced in golden letters along the fiery caudal appendage of the Comet the mysterious legend — " C.D.A." At the sight of this, Venus shrank back in terror ; Jupiter assumed the ascendant, and by the aid of a gigantic syringe cooled the glowing sun, and for the time being averted the impending catastrophe. The telescopes of Professor Pritchett and party were not sufficiently powerful to observe this interesting spectacle ; but an instantaneous photograph was taken with success by Mr Josiah Martin, and will be exhibited and explained by him at the next meeting of the Institute. Professor Bosh, of Washington, has seen the occurrence, however, and is of opinion that it betokens the speedy end of the world. [It was also seen from the Trumpet observatory. We concur.] ■ No. II. — The Com-" Bust "-ion Begins. January 1, 1883 — 1 a.m. Now is the beginning of the end. True to the inspired record, the advent of this annus mirabilis has been marked by signs and wonders in the heavens and on earth. The Comet having developed a tenfold accelerated speed has rapidly receded from the sun, and is now in aphelion. It orbit has greatly decreased, until now the outer extremity of the parabola is within a few hundred miles of the orbit of Jupiter. Archdeacon Spero Optimus, in a discourse last Sabbath, expressed his belief that the Comet would inevitably be drawn into the watery planet and have its fiery mass cooled ; and he laboured to show that as Lucifer was to be cast from " the battlements of : Heaven," into a " burning lake," therefore the Comet was pi'edicted to end in a " fizzle " i.. ihe waters of Jupiter. But the last knell of the Old Year had scarce been sounded, when his anticipations were falsified. He had not been wrong in assuming that the near approach of the Comet to Jupiter would produce great convulsions ; but they didn't hurt the Comet. The gigantic tail of the Celestial Stranger was seen to envelope Jupiter just as a boa-constrictor would a rabbit ; there was a momentary flare and then a prolonged " fizzle," and Jupiter was no more — its unwieldy mass, moons and all, being absorbed by the Comet, who with a majestic wiggle of his tail resumed his journey. This change disturbed the equipoise of our system, and the first effect produced was that our earth, deprived of the counter-attraction of Jupiter, was drawn into .1 new orbit, twelve millions of miles nearer the sun than before. In consequence of this, our moon was irresistibly drawn to the sun, and about 12.30 a.m. suddenly rushed across the sky of the Southern. Hemisphere and disappeared from view. As contingent results of this Lunatic aberration, the asylum at the Whau was burned down, and an inebriated Scotchman who had started on a " fh-st-footing " expedition with a bottle of "whusky," in each coat-tail pocket, went off in spontaneous combustion, nothing being left of him but a brass snuff-box and some melted glass.