BILLY BIGWOOL'S BIOGRAPHY,

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 102, 26 August 1882, Page 376

BILLY BIGWOOL'S BIOGRAPHY.

FOUNDED ON FACT

CHAPTER IV. G-BBAT MIKISTBEIAI CRISIS. — HOW.BIU" wooi. Saved the Goteenment.

Whiie the complacent Pyke was luxuriating in the Johnsonian mansion at Tinakori, a rumour got afloat which carried horror and consternation into the Ministerial camp. The story, whispered in the lobbies with, bated breath, was that Blow was mirabile dietu — on a rail — and his vote was anything but safe for the Government. To the Ministerial whips it was very disgusting and mortifying that after all the pains they had taken to secure Pyke, so as to get a majority of one in the impending . no-confidence division, they should be again stranded on the Speaker's casting vote by the unaccountable defection of Blow. To make matters worse, the Opposition •whips .openly boasted that in spite of the blandishments lavished upon Pyke, that wily legislator was only playing with the Ministerialists, and would be found, when the division bell rang, walking into the Opposition lobby. When Bigwool was informed of the rumour about Blow, his face wore a comical expression of mingled incredulity and horror. ' "What !" he exclaimed ; " Blow go and' rat ! That there chap as the bank 'aye been a-keepin' on his blanky. legs for years! — as would a-been busted up a tree long ago if it hadn't been for our feedin' and supportin' on him ! I don't believe it— l'm blanked if I do. Human .natur' ain't capable of no sich ingratitood." And having thus delivered himself, Bigwool hastened to the telegraph-office and despatched an urgent message to the manager of the bank at the goldfield of which Blow was the distinguished representative in Parliament, after which he proceeded to interview Q-olddust. And who was Golddust ? Golddust was ostensibly the bank manager, but in reality, in Parliamentary circles, he was. the political agent of that institution. He shared a sumptuously-furnished apartment in the lobbies with Pyke. By a popular fiction the room was supposed to be set apart for Under-Secretaries and heads of departments, but these only entered it when they had any communication to make to Golddust. It was, in fact, a kind of bank parlour within the precincts of the House, and it was here that the votes of members were weighed in the bank scales. It was in this room that Gk>lddust lield levees and pleasant little interviews with various members of the House, when he gave them the benefit of his judgment and sage advice in those delicate situations where a politician hesitates as to how he should exercise M 3 vote. There was always a little boy in bufctonafemnning to and fro between this room andJiSellamy's with steaming whiskies and other re§||&b*|ents ; and on important occasions, such a^g||Hra|npending division o^^want-of-c<->ii!Monc^^^^^fe^g^Sa dust's hospitality rose to e h a^^^^^lffipers. ] SSfJer or grand dinner-party, with uli. M-Auuubts cussipated and his mind clearly mads vi\< iu\6avour of the Government. In truth oldduj|gdiß--pensed hospitality with a regal munificen(|||jgid the bank never grudged the expense, money waa profitably invested. Golddust M^||g| mil 3, benevolent little man in spectaclesißgS smiles, always cracking his little jokes aboutfHS lobbies, or dispensing his whiskies and* weE®| rabbits in the .snug room. A stranger woulal have taken him for a clergyman engaged in lob- ] bying a bill for a big church endowment. The air of humble deference with which Golddust receives Bigwool is in striking contrast to the easy familiarity with which he has a few minutes ago treated McCalf, the great swell squatter and advocate of the Deceased Wife'B Sister Marriage Bill. "How's the cards looking?" asks Bigwool when he has settled down comfortably in the easy chair by the fire, and rung the bell for the boy in buttons. "Well, sir," says Golddust, " I don't like the look of things at all. It's true we've squared Blobbs, Pinchbeck, Snawson, Timbertose, and Trash, and you see I've marked 'em down here with a " G," for the Government; but that only makes a tie, and I've just heard that Blow is getting shakey, so I've marked him with a cross, as doubtful. I can't tell what's come over the man ; he always voted as we told him before."

"It's blanky queer," says Bigwool, keenly scrutinising the card, "but leave him to me. Johnny's. bin a-gittin' at him, blank him !" "What about Drivel, sir ?"

"Oh, him?" says Bigwool; " wants £50,000 for a railway through a block he's got, and I've told Taksison .to promise it. He's safe as houses. Keep him among the " G-'s.' ! "What about Pyke?" as^cs G-olddust. "Bust me if I know! I'm blanked if I don't think the fellow wants to be a whole Ministry ; but we'll leave him to the women for the present. I've told Gteordie to promise him what he arkses, if it's anything from a camelia to a million." And having finished their whiskies, Bigwool and G-olddust saunter out into the lobbies to compare notes with a score of other great capitalists, .squatters and Lords who form the corps d' armee of scouts and reconnoiterers. In the main lobby Bigwool encounters Blow, wifeh an open telegraphic message in his hand and a grave and troubled expression on his countenance. "HuU'i, Billy !" says Bigwool, in his most cheery tone, "how's Alburnias lookin' ?" "Damn Aibiirnias!" replies Blow, with great aspcrif.y,"Why, Tvot'e the matter? H&.B there bin xnoubt-r cail?' :

"iLea, there' hits bin 1 a call, and a pretty sfciffiah one too." \ "Sorry you've got; fckal. 'ere unpleasant message, but these "ere things a'iwuya ia a-happenin', in v JtriixHu' ' investments Oorao into' Fyke's room an' 'are a vhifi&ey." ■ - ■ "I .thme. 5.f X held Albutuios I'd sell '©m," resumes Big«« f jl, vrbfun th^f are seated by fche flqre -• • -with thek M-iite'feff» ■ ■ ■ •■ • •.• --■-

balls at his mansioi

"I wish it wasn't nothing worsen Alburnias," says Blow, lugubriously. . " Can I 'elp yer in any. way ?" asks Bigwool ia his most insinuating tone ; "you know I've always been a friend 0' yourn." . "Well, come, that's good, that is!*' says Blow, sarcastically. 'Ere I've bin a-bustin' of myself workin' with the party for 'ears, a-doin' my level best for the interests of the Colony,, and wot have the party ever done for me, I should, like to know?"

"Why, blank it, Billy, wot's got inter yer 'cad now ? Has old Grey — blank him ! — bin agettin 1 at yer ?" . " Nobody ain't a-bin getting at me," says Blow ; " I'ain't to be got at by nobody. There ain't a more iridependenter man in the House than I am. But when you come 3to talk of Grey, all as I've got to say is that he ain't half so bad as some people as calls, theirselves a fellow's friends." .

" Grey's a blanky old humbug," replies Bigwool, emphatically, "and you know you've often said so yerself," " Well, I don't know ; he ain't half so black as he's painted, and a fellow often changes hia opinion of men in politics. Perhaps I've had reasons to change my mind about nirn a good deal lately. Them there views of his'n about the land and the openin' of the country goes down with my constitoounts, the diggers."

<{ You don't meanter say aa you endorses Grey's views about land, do yer?" asks Bigwool, in a horrified tone.

"Well, I don't say as I'm wedded to the details of his policy as yet," replies Blow, " but I'm a beginnin' to come round to his views."

" You !" exclaims Bigwool, in laconic amazement.

" Me," rejoins Blow, doggedly. "You meanter say as you're a-goin' to rat?" " Eat be blowed ! I ain't that pig-'eaded. that I won't give way to conviction when the interests of the country's at stake, especially when my friends leaves me in a hole arter I've a-bin neglectin' my own int'rests for 'ears, a-robbin' myself of 'ealth and time to support their int'rests." " I'm sure I've al'ays bin willin' to give you any little assistance and accommodation in my power," says Bigwool, " and if I can do anything for yer, you've only got to say the word." " Well," replies' Blow, slowly, "in course it ain't nothin' to do with politics, and won't infloonce my vote in the least ; but just as a sample of the way I'm treated by ray friends a< Lhe werry time when I'm a-bustin of in j sell for them, just run yer eye over tM.s 'ere die ■ tge." And then Bigwool read, with we l ! ' . n looks of surprise and deprecatory g •• -i: '■ -iliowing telegraphic despatch, acldf. horn the manager °^o£xis!s£ x<i * t}i ' ' ' — "Urgent. — Bj&fi^ railing a<_.-. rectors decline *gßßßy&sg&::vovaiiiv '"■■■■ si. liquidate or^ecure your lav;>" •■ ■ ' °7 Tuesda^;!^g C i. cw man." Jj^&h, I see— this is wot'a bi.fi a-fcroubiiir or 'yer ?" queries Bigwool. " That's one on 'em," says Biov', t; i^-t in commit ain't nothin' to do with my vnv»" "Of course not, not at all; "oVy _ kiudo: shoves out yer judgment, yer know, n;ic\ p\f>& tcv a wrong hidea of things, don't it ?■' " It do." "And if you had this 'ere thing ovter Mis wu.y yer'd be in a better frame of mind as ifc were, an able to take a calmer and more sen^'if' 1 new ■of things like, is that it ?" asked Bigwooi. " Well, as I said afore, polytics is polytics and |W sis bizness, but I don't deny as if I got |y|W there hoverdraft held over for, say till this j|j|y»|sjaf'xt year, and another thousand pounds or HH H^kiHj^o^ation to develop my mmm' int'rests S|jh 1 1 ||§|urces of the ( ou-if.ry, I might sorter I ! liiSli !ure to e ' oi '- ro v sr-ndy'of these " Don^^^m -ihiak iive 'urrtcvtl ir.iaiir do it?" *', "Well, I didn't think j-o!,-" .;' .o:i.nd 'ii he iikhlr to get quite clen." on 1 --.-'i) •' ihoit.naud. 1 ' replies Blow. " An*- when you gift to I'jok ni thiup 5 - ;-'^ sKf-)>-,|jt light as it were, you'd .sorter come ;.)uori aY":?, an' think ole Grey as big an' 'u^.'oiu-, ;c- svt-i'. nh 'r" "Yes, I s'pose so," says Bio-.v. "Eot thb division comes off to-night."

" Then I'll send a wire to Screwrnan at unoe and see wot can be done."

And so Bigwool went to the telegraph -office, and wrote the following, which he allowed Blow to read, before it was handed to the counterclerk : — " Screwman, — Let Blow's overdraft stand over. Give him thousand pounds further accommodation same terms as before.— Bigwool." " It's all right now, aint it ?" inquires Bigwool with affectionate solicitude. " Right as a trivet," replies Blow ; " arter all, there's nothin' like sticking to princerples, workin' for the int'rests of the country, and actin' along of one's friends." " G-olddust," said Bigwool five minutes later, " go and tell Taksison to strike Blow's name offer the X's and stick a big Or agin it." " Saved !" exclaimed G-olddust as he rushed off to deliver the message. " I thought that wire 'd fetch him," soliloquised Bigwool, as he went awaj to lunch, " but it's blanky expensive." " They're a wide-awake lot," reflected Blow as he went away to get a new cheque-book, but they're hardly a match for the ole man yet/ I thought that there last moved adjust; matters. Kb thin' like gitfcin' on a rail sometimes." The description of the scene at the division must be reserved for the next chapter. (To he continued) .

" Oh, Mrs Catchemaliveo, I heard you telling old Mrs Nitecart's daughter how Mrs W&sbintub got that beautiful rlress she wore at the ball the other night. Is it true she saved the price out of the grocories ?" ,"Tas, my dear," replied .the benevolent old Judy, "it .in a fact, for she purchased all her groceries from Mr Eew's, corner of Victoria and Albert-streots, and that's ■where 1 get mine nov, fos he keeps first-rate tea. " Yes, dear, she wore -a wreath of roses and bo on you fenow, but the dress, my darling, the dress, and it was a dress you know, not a fehingjnerely to. cover one, but a dress that anyone could be prdu3rof, and that dress, ray dear, came out of the butts® and coflfeffKTes, ray dear, you may stare, but nevertheless it is afac^l'-!-"Hoisr? f '— "Why, I'll tell yoa. Ec (that's her hW band) allows, her so much a trod& for g^ceries, so!|||| ss-ved in,butl)«r and coffss and. bougfcfe that bcauttiSs dreffla at Musro and Milligau, in Hobsoa -street, and paid tot it to trooklj: insteiiasate. Isn't i^nica,- daas;?" , .