RHYMES FOR THE TIMES.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 97, 22 July 1882, Page 297

RHYMES FOR THE TIMES.

♦ • TOMPKYNS AND THE ' SWALLOW-TAIL. an incident at the bachelors' ball. . (Founded on Fact.) Within the boarders' room he sat, A prey to melancholy ills, And pondered over this and that — His boarding and his washing bills. He thought of all his beastly duns, Whose number was beyond his count 3 And that long face of Mother Gunn's, Who wanted that 'ere small account. Fitznoodle Tompkyns Vere de Vere, The scion of a noble line — His father was a cuisinier, - His mother was a columbine. And lie, the haughty and the proud, Of Remuera's jam-tart clique, That he should be beneath a cloud With only thirty bob a week ! The postman's knock was at the door (That fatal sound too well he knew), And muttered, " Damn it, what a bore, Another tradesman's billet-doux!" He seized it with a look of fear, And hastily perused the scrawl, Inviting Tomkyns Vere de Vere, Esquire, to the Bachelors' Ball. A sudden pang his bosom smote : Alas ! that joy should be so fleet — His fash'nable claw-hamuier coat Was at his uncle's, down the street. Could he but hope his hapless plight That Hebrew's heart might melt, ere long ; Within the halls of dazzling light He'd mingle in the festive throng. Lo, wheu the mantle of the night Descended like a funeral pall ; And when the gas-lamp's flickering light Gleamed ghostly on each glittering ball : Behold our Tompkyns Vere de Vere Unto that ancient Hebrew goes, Aud into Moses' listening ear He pours his sorrows and his woes.

"Ma tear, I lend 6 your coat away ! Shelp me never! it vas true, Another svell comes here to-day ' And svears he vants that coat for you. "But plenty coats I've got in here, Ash good as any in the town ; Come in and try one on, ma tear — I only charge you half-a-crown. " Shelp me ! fits you like a glove ; You'd svear 'tvas made for you, my tear 5 Vy, all the girls will fall in love Vid Mr Tompkyns Vere de Vere."

Ah, why Avere Tompkyns' eyes so blind When Moses stroked him down the back ? For then he grabbed that coat behind And gathered in two yards of slack. Small time had he such things to note, He dressed himself with eager haste ; He knew not ho avlio OAvned that coat Was ninety inches round the Avaist. He saw not how old Moses grinned As ho wrapped up that swallow-tail, Or that the back was deftly pinned, As sailor meu reef in a sail. But when- he reached the Choral Hall, What made the ladies look so black ? Why did those people at the ball Laugh when they looked at Tompkyns' back ? No matter. Now the dance begins, The music swells in dulcet tones, ' And Tompkyns, in the niazy, spins Along with Miss Matilda Jones. The music stops, the dance is done — Too brief, alas! is Tomkyn's bliss : What means that peal of boisterous fun ? And, oh ! good Heavens ! what is this ? A sight his very soul appals — The. pins have fallen from the back ! In fearful folds that garment falls, And hangs about him like a skek !

He gasps for breath, his senses swim, He feels a choking at his throat, Ju ib as a fat man clutches him And 3-oars out, " You have stole my coat !"

A hop — three skips — he's at the door ! Those mocking jeers he does not heed ; He rushes off to seek the gore Of Moses, who has done this deed !