NOT IN THE PAPERS.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 96, 15 July 1882, Page 281

NOT IN THE PAPERS.

_ — Some waggish, schoolboys have clubbed a certain city public school as the city " tannery." i This is rough, on the Grand Bashaw. — Paddy Doran, of negro minstrel fame, says he . has worked for nearly every charity in Auckland , " till he was black in the face." That's so, Paddy ! ' — Such, is life. — One of our Auckland telegraphists has got jiidgrnent against another for money borrowed to go to a friend's funeral at Helensville some, two years ago ! : — When does the Napier-street flutist intend to ■ refrain from making night hideous ? With reiterated tootings of exasperating- toots, The long protracted, tootolings of agonising toots Of the flute, flute, flute, flute, Flute, flute, flute, And the wheezings and the spittings of its toot. ' . — Is it true that by some ingenious arrangement of the metre the Hon. D. Pollen contrives to obtain any quantity of water from the city supply without being called upon to contribute a brass • farthing ? Sir Phillips will be on the warpafch when he hears of this. — The Napier sightseers Avere nicely sold when the Manapouri visited that port. It was given out that she would exhibit her electric light. Thousands assembled, and waited patiently until nearly midnight, when the crew of the Sir Donald lit up a tar barrel. There was a buzz of wonder and admiration in the crowd, which dispersed perfectly satisfied with, the display. — Poor Stevenson, the Secretary of the Citizens' Ball Committee, has been suffering from the measles, erysipelas, or some other dreadful complaint. One side is like Stevenson and the other resembles a small-pox patient. It is very awkward, and the cause of a good deal of inconvenience. His friends fail to recognise him until they have walked round and inspected him from different points of view, — Mr Didsbury, head of the Grovernmcnt Printing Office, reduced the expenses of his Department last year by £3303. lie has gone in for economy and retrenchment ever since Mr W. Wilson, of the Herald, discovered several waggon loads of spoiled printed forms stowed away in a lumber room. It appeared that some of the Tite Barnacles had been in the habit of sending piles of elaborate forms to be printed, and then cancelling them in order to add another line of red ink, a ruled column, or some other trifling alteration. — Some months ago a prominent Harbour Board official was granted leave of absence for two months, and he proceeded on a trip to Australia, taking with him his wife, and leaving the house in charge of the domestic servant. When the pair returned Mrs Blank was astounded to discover that her beautiful white satin wedding dress, which she wore only on State occasions, was covered with coffee stains. Her indignation increased when she subsequently discovered that her " slavey " had worn it, with her gold set of jewellery, at several common shillings " hops " in the city. — A maiden lady of considerable austerity, and the very quintessence of propriety, " runs" a dancing class in the western suburb. For forty years, every evening before retiring to rest she had looked under the bed for a man, but had never found one. Some of the " colts" she was initiating in the arts and graces of polite society became aware of this little foible and one evening last week they rigged up a dummy man and deposited it carefully under the old lady's " virtuous bugwalk." Advices of yesterday's date state that she 13 slowly recovering from the shock. — Who is the dazzling genius who performs the gigantic task of filling in the blanks in the forms sent out by the City Council ? The other day a ratepayer in Beresford-street was sorely puzzled on receiving a notification intimating that if he did not stump up Gs 4d by the " 31st June" he would be invited by Her Majesty to one of Mr Macdonald's weekly receptions. The unfortunate ratepayer lias since been trying to discover from almanacs and other sources of information when the "31st of June" will occur, and he thinks of submitting the question to some eminent astrologer like Lambert or Proctor. The notice was issued from the "City Council Offices, Canada Buildings." and the ratepayer has been vainly trying to find them out. The worst feature in the. affair is that the first intimation he received that the rates were due was the threat that a summons would be issued. — A good story is told concerning the wife of a local limb of the law at the Thames. The lady is a zealous church member, and none of the many movements inaugurated by the religious body to which she belongs- to " raise the .wind" are considered complete without her. For some years the crockcryware required at the various muffin struggles hold in connection with the church had been furnished (for a consideration, of course), by a cunning old fox named Box, who is one of the shining lights of the body, and it is said that this worthy was in the habit cf supplying on such occasions as many damaged cups, saucers, etc., as he could lay 'his hands on. Be that as it may, it was a notorious fact that never a soiree took place but a large quantity of china became demolished, and had to be paid for, the profits accruing from the affair being considerably diminished in this way. The Vestry (at the instigation, no doubt, of their better-halves) purchased from an opposition dealer a complete set of crockeryware, much to the regret of old Box, who saw that his little game could no longer bo played. A few days after this transaction had taken place B. sauntered into the church whilst the ladies were engaged in arranging the preliminaries of a soiree, and remarked to the lawyer's spouse, " I see, Mrs Blank, that you've got crockcryware of your own now." " Yes," was the incisive reply, " and we'll not have so many breakages now." Box collapsed, and the subsequent proceedings interested him no more. No wonder Lawyer Blank attains success when he possesses such a wife.

Some more specimens of art — wood staining — by Mr Bawlins, are on view at Mr Wayte's. The subjects whiob- are s.ained on the tops of small occasional tables, represent " Rounding the Buoj," " 'Iho Way of the World," "Women of Morocco," and "Warbling a tender Boundelay," after Giocornelli. This art staining is something' quite new in the colony, and not likely to be procured again except from Home, and therefore should be much prized for presents. The wort, besides being of the very best class, is offered at a most reasonable price, and a visit to Messrs Wayte's will not only repay the trouble, but will convince one how well the difficulties of the wood staining-have been overcome.