NOT IN THE PAPERS.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 94, 1 July 1882, Page 248

NOT IN THE PAPERS.

— What does the Herald mean by ■ " the horrors " of party warfare ? Have these " horrors" any mysterious connection with Bellamy's ? — Is it profitable to anybody to place the TJuion Company's steamers at the railway wharf every time they arrive? — The gallant old buck at the Thames is too fond of driving about with the better half of auother sawbones. — Fancy the Government saying they were unaware that Cotter was Mr Buckland's solicitor in the North Franklin election proceedings ! — Did not that articled clei'k commit a breach. of the Law Practitioners Act by officiating as a poll-clerk under his brother-in-law in the late Franklin North election ? — There was a catasth rope at the North Shore the other evening. During the ainourous cooings of a certain pair, the "remnant" sat upon and/ crushed the lady's "bonnet. A "sovereign" remedy restored her ruffled feelings. — New Plymouth ha 3 abandoned all hope of Hawera. The Hawcra boys will neither contribute towards, the harbour scheme nor marryany of the Taranaki girls. — Pyke's idea of calling the new political party in the House " The Clean-Sheet Party" is good, but what a lot of Court and Parliamentary records will have to be destroyed to carry it out ! Waste paper will bo at a premium. — That young man at Ponsonby who was taking the measure of a married woman's waist the other evening is recommended to use a pocket tape-line or select some less conspicuous place than a public thoroughfare. — Hutchinson wants the J.P.s to pass an examination in the rudiments o£ law. What in thunder does a J.P. want to know about law, when there is a clerk of the court ? Besides, it is of far more importance to teach him to sign his name. — Who was the swell who lost his purse, containing £10 in gold and £-1 in silver, in East Tamaki, and when a little girl returned it, addressed her thusly, " Grood little dear, how I wish 1 had change to reward you ?" Was there not ii half-penny in the purse ? — The Rev. T. Scott, says one of our correspondents, announced from the pulpit the other day that it would have been easier for Abraham to discover ten righteous men in Sodom and Gromor rah than his reverence can in Coroniandel at the present day. Of course there is one righteous man — the Rev. Scott. ... — The Christodelphia'ns have got the bulge on. Denfcon, who has been done hrown in the matter of engaging the Opera House. It didn't suit the views of the conditional-immortalitarians to have the pleisiosaurus, the ichthyosaurus, and tLe megalosaurus resurrected just yet. Besides, Brown, who is a whale at Greek, wants all the jawbreakers for himself. — Fancy Allan McDonald, M.H.R., being the only Auckland member who advocated the reading of the Bible in schools ! Well, what's the odds ? He only took The parson's tip, just to the letter. He wants to introduce the hook, Aud make oui colts a little better. He wants to see a proper co urse Of training for the human race, Aud give a chance to every horse In these events to get a place. • And so it is his pride aud boastj While in the earthly 'race they vie That when they reach the winning post They all will catch the Judge's eye. — A good story is whispered in the clubs about a certain banker who lately romoved to the South. He sold off all his household goods and house and grounds through an agent, arid in course of time ■ duly received the account sales. In running his eye over the items he detected an important omission. A certain little structure in the garden was not included in tlio list. He telegraphed, for au explanation, and the reply was that there was no demand for buildings of that character. But ho was equal to the emergency. He at once wired to have the affair carefully packed up and shipped to him. - — A good story comes from the far North. .There is great rivalry amongst the settlers in the cultivation of their gardens. The man who produces the champion pumpkin of- the season is an object of mingled envy and admiration. When ever a man finds his neighbour getting ahead of him, Jie makes a pretence of visiting that neighbour's -garden, and while the owner's back is turned gives a nip or a pinch to the best plants, or scatters around a few handfulls of dock seed. Formerly there was a mighty struggle for • the honour of producing the biggest trees, and one man is supposed to have committed suicide because he could not transplant a venerable kauri front the adjacent forest. — We are assured on the authority of one of Mr.Spurgeon's own committee that we did- him an injustice in stating that he was refused the use of the Opera House on Sunday evenings, owning to the difference about the terms. The true reason was that Mr Abbott feared, that the expensive furniture and decorations of the dresscircle might be damaged, and Mr Abbott wanted to exclude that part of the house from the agree-' ment. In other words, though the people who go to the Opera House to witness those ungodly entertainments, which Mr Spurgeon so fiecrely denounces can be trusted, to respect property, Msown congregations, who- assemble for prayer and praise, are not considered fit to^be trusted in such a place. This is the re vevas. of complimentary. ■ / -