BILLY BIGWOOL'S" TOWER."

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 94, 1 July 1882, Page 248

BILLY BIGWOOL'S" TOWER."

' : ; ■ .". ■ , (FOTTKDEI) OX PACT.) Concluded. . Slowly and painfully the idea began to dawn on the mind of Bigwpol that his tour was a costly failure. ' ■ '; ■; ■ He did not realise the situation suddenly ; it was the result of experience, deep cogitation, and a vigilant eye on the signs of the times. The idea germinated when the captain, who had permanently quartered himself on Bigwool and assumed the direction of his affairs, I protested one day against Billy's extravagance and warned him against the shady character of some of the company that visited Cadsnickel Mansion. : "Well, this isblanky cool, this 'ere is," soliloquised Bigwool ; " I've allowed this blank swindler to bo the boss shearer in my woolshed, to draw the biggest cheques, and to lamb me down in all sorts ' of ways, and now he begins to lecter me on what he calls my extravygance !" The idea that the tour was not a success began to take root in his mind one day when he was a guest at one of the fashionable assemblages of Lady Revelton. Her ladyship had been in her early days, when she led Lord Eevelton captive, one of the reigning prima donnas of the opera, but she was now a faded beauty of 40, and the centre of a certain aristocratic coterie. She found relief and relaxation from the endless dissipation of fashionable life in her duties as President of " the Society for the Promotion of the use of Soap amongst the Aborigines of Billybong," and " The Society for the Supply of Baby-linen and Pockethanderchiefs to the Terra-Del-Fuegians," and she pretended that she had been induced to invite Bigwool under the geographical hallucination that her dark-skinned proteges were his near neighbours and bosom friends, and that he would be able to enlighten her on the progress of the good work in those distant parts of the world, the Rev. Flapdoodle's information on those interesting subjects being confined to the glowing reports received from time to time from the local distributors. In the course of a pleasant little tete-a-tete with. her ladyship Bigwool was able to correct her geographical knowledge, but when she suddenly went off at a tangent and begged him to narrate some of his tiger adventures in the jungles of Botany Bay, and he assured her that he knew nothing of convict establishments except from hearsay, it was obvious that he had completely lost ground in her estimation and respect. B tit what caused the idea that his tour was a failure to assume the force of conviction, wa3 a little incident in connection with a grand ball by the Marchioness of Flamborough which was announced among the fashionable intelligence in the London newspapers. 'It was stated that H.E.H. the Prince of Wales, and many of the premier 'aristocracy were expected to be among the guests, and that the brilliant assemblage would be the extent of the season. Bigwool at once made up his mind to be present. He reflected that it would bring him within reach of the goal of his ambition. If he could get into that charmed circle, bask in the effulgence of royalty, and see ',' the Hon. Win, Bigwool " figuring 'in the list of the creme de la creme of the British Peerage, knighthood must speedily crown all his outlay and efforts, and he would be able to return to Kantborough and resume his old preeminence in society to the utter discomfiture and humiliation of .that upstart Pigsby and all the other haughty rivals. " Blank it all," he remarked to the captain, as they sat at the usual atter dinner " nutter " at 100, " I'm blanked if I wouldn't pay the expenses of the- blanked spree if they'd on'y let me open the ball with the Marchioness and sit next the Prince at supper." *' It's going to be awfully select, I hear," said the captain. " Select you bet it is " rejoined Bigwool, " and that's jist why I'm froing to be there." " Impossible !" replied the captain laconically. " Not at all," said Billy. "It may be select as a gang of bushrangers, but I mean to be in it. Didn't we get into Lord Eevelton's crowd by lending the old fraud a trifle to get the bailiffs out ? Didn't the Countess of Pumpadour give me an invite because I gave her them di'mond parrings ? Bah, sugar'li do anything with that crowd." " That wins the pool" said the captain, raking in the bank notes. "Can't we lend old Flamborough a trifle?" asked Bigwool, "or buy the Marchioness a di'mond necklace ?" •'Good Grad!" exclaimed the captain, in tones of alarm " don't you know that the marquis is one of the richest men in England, and could buy us all up with a year's income !" " But the di'montls might work the oracle, eh ?" " Why bless my soul, Bigwool, don't you know that the marchioness is the owner of the famous Deßurgundy diamonds that have been in the family ever since the Conquest ! Why you might as well try to get to the mo^ii." " Well this is a blanky\um state o' things, this is ! Here's a blanky frn ily of British nobs as don't want to borrow money ! It's about the remarkablest thing I've seen. But it's my opinion as them di'monds is paste, and the others is at the pop-shop. What's to be done ? You've had enough o' my money, and you ought to be able to do something for it." " Try Fizzgigg," said the captain. Bigwool lost no time in consulting his quondam cadet, and plunged in medias res with : — , " There's a tip-top Al at Loyds swell affair on the tappy at the Markiss o' Flamborough's, and you will have to get me an invite." Fizzgigg was thunderstruck ! . " Grood heavens ! Billy, do you know what you're talking about ? • G-et invited to the Marchioness of Flamborough's party ! Ha ! ha ! jvell this-is'too^good," and the ex-cadet went into convulsions of -laughter. . " - ' " What are|jbu laughing at ? I know it's a blank s select, a&cl .'all -tlieu. rest on it, but you can manage it, and I ddn't mind forking out anything in reason." - w '. ' , "Look here, Billy, all the money in the Bank of England wpuldn't do it. Why it's as much as I shall be' ible Jo *do to get there myselfV' , "And thia^tliis "bitterly soliloquised Bigwool as lie sat in the lonely splendour of the Cadsnickel

Mansion — "'this is what comes o' mixing 'with the blank y aristocracy ! This 'ere cove, as used to be one o' my cadets at fifty notes a year and his tucker, this blanked sprig as has loafed on me and borrowed a thousand pounds; o' my money has the infernal imperance to tell me that he can go where I can't git. It's my opinion as the whole tiling's a gigantic fraud, and the sooner I , shut up shop here and go back to Kantborough the better, or they'll leave me like a ewe in shearing season." And having delivered himself of these bitter reflections Billy got into a hansom and drove to the house of a certain popular opera singer in whose society he meant to console himself.for his disappointment.' .. ' To his unutterable disgust he learned that she had run away to the Continent- with the captain, the pair taking with them. the diamond necklace and earrings, various other little articles of value, and only leaving behind them certain useless IOU'S and memoranda in the blocks of Bigwool's cheque-book. K cxt day Cadsnickel House was advertised for sale, " the property of the Hon. Win, Bigwool Esq., who having completely recovered his health," was "about to return to his legislative duties, and the care of his vast estates in New Zealand." Bigwool lost £15,000 by the sale of the Blitzernitz Mansion, and "he was lambed down," as he described it afterwards, to the time of £50,000. He never speaks of the British aristocracy except in terms of the deepest contempt. He declares that they are a " blankey mob of stuckup titled paupers." He also speaks with disgust of the us'elessness of colonial titles, and asks, what's the good on 'em to a pineoneer colonist as has made his pile by the sweat of his brow, and could buy up half-a-dozen beggarly British lords" any. day. He has long since liquidated the mortgage which his " tower" cost him, and he now iinds full employment for his facilities, and satisfaction for his aspirations, iii the increase of his enormous wealth. THE EXD.