Brief Mentotion.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 89, 27 May 1882, Page 172

Brief Mentotion.

" The wager's off," roared the man, when he couldn't 1 find the Welsher. When Forbes lectured in St. James' Hall, London, the lowest entrance-foe was half-a-guinea. A Wade man has invented a new mode of killing Jumboks with a catapult. " Jumboism " is the new word in England for false gush over animal pets. ' A man proves his sharpness by cutting people ■who can be of no use to him. A woman who marries a rich man often finds thatshe has got a poor husband. Mr Waters has engaged a second cook. What means this reckless outburst of speculation ? The question is frequently asked— Who is the Heathen Cbinee of the present Cabinet ? Mr Kidd, Commercial Hotel, has been elected President of the Licensed Victuallers' Association. The prize poem is not only milk and water, but skim milk and water, and from various dishes. ■ A breach of promise case from Parnell is on the tapis. Spicy details shortly. Orombie Brown, the " bosom " friend of John Bryce, is the Wellington correspondent of the Auckland Star. Barry's elocution class is going to celebrate its anniversary next month with a grand social reunion. We will give a handsome reward to anyone who will tell us the name of the real author of most of the Sinclair's prize poem. • 18 it true that one of the members of the Choral Society accused another of violinsolence the other day ? Our Waikato and Thames letters are unfortunately crowded out, but a full budget will be given in next issue. An illuminated address was presented to Mr Gorman, on his retirement from the position of President of the Licensed Victuallers. It is rumoured that one or two of the defeated candidates at the late elections have requested to be called to the " Upper House." We have seen a letter from a lady at the Wade denying that there was any assemblage of people in the neighbourhood of the pound at tho time it was burnt. If those young ladies in a certain Presbyterian choir do not mend their manners, the parson will do well to tip 'em a few remarks on female decorum. Mr J. B. Storey, clerk of our local courts, morning and nightly prays for the continued " success " of an Act, intituled "The New Licensing Act." The fashionable ladies in Wellington - street had better shift their residence, otherwise trouble will ensue. There is a certain household not more than two hundred yards from Mrs Hacket's hotel, which the detectives should know. 'Sir George Grey gave Sir George Maurice O'Rorke a snub in refusing to second the motion for his being elected Speaker of the new Parliament. Sinclair, to whom the prize for the inaugural poenl was awarded, is said to be a factotum at the Training. School of McArthur— one of the judges. Is that so r The Caucasian is not yet played out. A European billiard-player at Russell took points from a poor native dummy the other day, and went through his spare cash. The jurymen who were empannelled on Hiroki's trial had a free fight when they retired one night to an hotel, the case being adjourned till next day. There were only four blankets between them. However blue the blue-bells be, The milkman's bill is come, His milk and bill both blue to mo— We'll fix up one with rum. A young lady in the country who sent to Auckland for a small quantity of phosphate of lime was rather startled when she received by return a consignment of half a ton of bonedust. Fact. What's this we hear ? ■ That a gay Lothario at H., whose wife recently, went to tho Waikato, was vainly trying the other night to kiss a married woman, but was prevented by the length of his rioso. We have received No. 1 of The Inquirer, a Western Australian journal of politics and literature, edited by Francis Loche"e, of Perth. It reminds us of the Auckland Times, printed in a mangle forty years ago. Overheard : "Yes, dear, it was rather a trifling present to give my husband on his birthday. But he is so stingy ; he would have grumbled at paying the bill if I had bought him anything more expensive." • The Post (Wellington) discusses in a very temperate tone Judge Gillies' s recent ruling in the Weßt Coast native prosecutions, and thinks his reading of the law was correct. Mr, Kissling, the Auckland manager of the 8.N.Z., is about erecting a palatial residence on some mission lands, near the property of Sir William Martin, at Parnell. The young man, dressed in a fawn-coloured svai, who chased two young ladies down City-road the other evening, ought to bo looked after by the police. DeLias has nine lives. In spite of the lugubrious, predictions of the Sydney doctors, he looks much better after his passage to Auckland. What means this literary shine About the new St. Helier's line ? ,Some scribblers who, in battle's brunt rage, Display a great deal too mack frontage. ,The West Coast Commission (Sir Willam Fox) has been in Auckland. The Commission is in excellent health, notwithstanding its arduous labors in travelling about the Colony at the public expense. ' The Borough Council is about conferring an important appointment on Mr T. B. Hannaford. Mr Thomas Slater, of. the Market, has favourably recommended the application. < " How Sharp and dire the contest rages, - About that apple they fill pageß. • ' The thing's a bore, enough we've road, man j Pray give us something else; ia-Staadman. ' Now that the Mongonui. election enquiry is over • people .are beginning to ask whether Judge Fenton will be impeached for similar conduct over the Parnell election? v , -;• ?•;;.',; ■■'■■; v^_ • Who is the, .pretty; barmaid who. takes her evening walks on the ; Quieen-street Wharf, and is invariably met there bjr'Mr.V— - ? t Beware, trust him not ; he's fooling fcheel/,". y. {-,-.' , .Great^GiesQ, of Holland, a great swell, O, , Played on .his big violincello, Am then some getese, with lack of sense, Gave Gieae some violinsolence. , ' . • Mr -Wm. John Hurst has < submitted; several sample^ of -bonedust to ' Sir Arthur , Gordon.. The ' Governor has promised to distribute them amongst the aboriginals of Fiji. „;,./ We wonder if it is true that" t]he employes of the well-known firm of coachbuilders^jn Elliott-street have been treated with a pheasant- dinner during the last two weeks on 1 account of; qnopf the apprentices, ; 'George P., having been pheasant-shooting at MahurangiP ' Also, whether he has, extinguished the game in thatjpait of the country ?

Who is the jewel of a young man who delights the Sabbatarians of Ponsonby-road with dance music on the fluto on Sunday evenings? His vocal gems have caused surprise in certain quarters where he is known. The sooner St. James's choir arranges for the return of the two secessionists, tho better for themselves. Music hath had no charms in that church for the last few weeks, and an improvement is desirable." There is a stench in East-street, .Karangahape, between Dr Wallis' old church and Symonds-strcet, which anyone might cut with a- knife. We know of one life that has been sacrificed to this foul nuisance. Can no one be indicted for manslaughter ? "Put that lot down to Mr ','.' said an auctioneer at Tauranga to his clerk, after knocking down a lot of goods. "tfaix," exclaimed the buyer, "its misther now, so it is, but before it used to be only Paddy." \ Is it true that a marriage will shortly take place at the North Shore between the late " sextoness" of a now almost defunct Presbyterian Church and an elderly gentleman who is much concerned, regarding the "Lost Tribes." What means this flood of criticism About the new phil-phalderism ? Such lengthy letters some deposit About this very dry-earth closet. We wish these letter-scribbling elves N Would only just dry np themselves, Cease this deordorizing mode, or They'll bring Parnell into bad odour. He went into a restaurant, and seeing a nice spread, drew up his chair, and began to wade in. Then a constable came along and threatened to arrost him for tampering with the jury. He got oil" by standing drinks all round. It was very ungallant of that young orator in St. James's Discussion Class to say that the 'best thing that could be done with our girls was to ship them to Sydney, then place them in the freezing saloons, and sell them at Home for mutton. " Have you taken out a license for that dawg ?" asked a constable of old Bloggs, in Ponsonby. " Bless yer whiskers," replied Bloggs, " times is so hard that my old 'oman can't get out her steam-iron from Neumegen's." Some recent exhumations in Egypt have brought to light the supposed statue of Potiphar's wife. Competent judges say that if the thing of marble be true to the original, Joseph was justified in having his coat torn. When Ministers commit oppression, Tho House will whitewash each transgression ; An Act indemnifies the wrong, Subjects the weak, protects the strong ; But sinners in a humble station, For them is no indemnification'; Police will seize and Courts will try 'em, And Magistrates will damnify 'em. The Sydney Bulletin is rough on the begging parsons of that city, when it remarks:— "lf this city were swallowed by an earthquake to-morrow, the first man to crawl out of the cracks would start around with a subscription-list for funds to build a new church." " I think I've seen you before several times," remarked a gentleman at a recent party to a faultiest ydressed young man, standing near the door. ' <i \ i\v likely," was the reply ; " I'm the waiter at Canning *." " Oh." Our P.D., who has developed a passion for stamp collecting-, lias memorialised tlie eclitor on a personal question. He particmlarly desires that the postofiice official who borrows our Sydney Bulletins will be kind enough to replace the original wrapper. Will the ingenious Tite Barnacle who transcribes our Wellington messages at the Telegraph Office leave off writing Egyptian hieroglyphics, forked lightning, and Chinese, with a piece of charcoal on the end of a pick-axe, and go in for a little Christian caligrnphy ? He was a jockey, and he went to All Saints' for the first time since he was christened. It was to meet his girl. He got on all right till he came to the following passage in the Psalms :— " The children of men are deceitful upon the weights." " You bet they are," he remarked to a disgusted churchwarden who sat next him. Examining Counsel: " What state was the plaintiff in when you last saw him ?" Witness : "In a state of intoxication." Counsel : " But what sort of spirits was he in?" Witness: "Whisky, I believe." Counsel: "Hang it, man ! how did he take it?" Witness: "Well, I think hot, with sugar and lemon." Counsel: " Stand down, sir !" He was a little lawyer man Who meekly blushed while he began Her poor dead husband's will to scan. He smiled, thinking of his fee, Then said to her so tenderly " You have a. nice fat legacy " (leg-I-see). And when he lay next day in bed, With plasters on his broken head, He wondered what on earth he said. The Wellington special of the Thames Evening Star (Mr Sherrin) is certainly a man who sends more readable news to that journal than any other contributor to our provincial newspapers, barring the Observer. Our reporter is in the confidence of both sides, and his tips can be thoroughly relied upon. One of our travelling reporters has his eye on a married man who goes over regularly to the North Sfaoro on Sundays by the three o'clock steamer, accompanied by a young lady. I presume the lady believes he is unmarried. Take a hint, my worthy benedict, or elese there will be nothing short of ructions in your household. All the job printers in Auckland held a jubilee the other day on the ruins of the Electric Pen. A carter's horse, of literary proclivities, seized with a thirst for scientific studies, went to investigate the ' Electric Pen. He was so absorbed in contemplating the curiosity that he jammed his head and one of the shafts through the window, and in an instant the inachino was in ruins. An unseemly row occurred at a dance held at . Whatawhata the other day. Two larrikins got up to dance together while the room was crowded. The M.C. at once ordered them to. sit down, when they assailed him with most disgusting language- before a room-full of people, mostly ladies. But for some of these the affair would have terminated in a fight— a nice wind-up for a dance 1 The girls in the common schools are getting too precocious. " What are the sexes ?" asked a teacher of little Miss Stickjaw the other day. " Men, women, and widows," was the reply. This is nearly as bad as the fellow who, when asked how many metres there are in music, replied : " Long metre, short metre, and meet her by moonlight alone." A bachelors' ball recently took place in one of the Northern townships, and invitations were sent to all the leading settlers, containing "an early reply will oblige." AMr W. sent the following characteristic reply : — Dear sir, — Yours duly- to hand. I shall most likely be in Auckland on that date; if not, I Bhall honour you with my conipany. Nice that, for a man who prides himself on being a' " jam-tart." The Good Templars of England have passed a denunciatory resolution on Tennyson's song, " Hands all round," because it "invites to repeated drinking a? expressive alike of loyalty, patriotism, and freedom, thus pandering to a fast decaying convivial custom which inflicts manifest injury upon so many of Her t Majesty's subjects, hinders national advancement, and enslaves both body and mind. i There was a lively scene at Waitara the other day. A little man took offence at the remarks of a ceri tain commission agent— a much bigger man than himself I <— and politely invited him into a private department to talk over a little business. Once inside, the little man locked the door, put the key in his pocket, and proceeded to give the commission agent some practical lessons in plain and fancy boxing. " I'll give five shillings to someone who will fetch a. policeman," said the gentleman who was artistically operated upon. "All right," said a. spectator through the .window, "hand over the money, and I'm your man ;" but the agent was loth to part. He has since invested the crown, in sticking plaster, lotion, and a pair of blinkers.

During a fire in Wellington, one of the Fire. Brigade came upon a jar, which he supposed to contain brandy. Peeling the necessity of a stimulant, he took a big swig before he discovered that the contents consisted of tobacco leaves in process of curing. Since he has been in the Hospital, he says people display a great deal too much culpable recklessness in leaving such things lying around without proper labels. The Mendelssohn' Quintette ' Club concluded their season on Monday evening. The houses steadily increased after the first two nights.and the performances were becoming rapidly popular. The fact is, people were beginning, to find out that is possible to enjoy very' high'dnss music when it is exquisitely rendered as it is by this club. On the occasion of the final perforniai\ce Mr Ryan, tiie oldest member of the club, came forward and addressed a few words to the aulience, thanking them for their attendance and appreciation. The Pons6nby young gentleman who, upon Saturday evening, when returning home along Welling-ton-street tarried so long under the window of his adored one, should be careful. The old folks have moved her to the back of the house, and if he comes serenading again at the wrong window for a couple of hours, keeping them awake, he will find the " old man" has sufficient interest in maintaining the peace to resort to measures of a disagreeable nature. The rev. gentleman who edits the New Zealand Times is the. most "slangy" writer in New Zealand. Some little time ago he introduced the elegant expression of "we do not care a tinker's curse" into one ot his leaders ; and now we find him concluding an article as follows :—" Yes, that is thy becoming attitude, O Prophet of Old Nick, alias Metropolis! and speedily may the light arise upon thee, that the people may thereby be fully initiated, and no longer abide in their darkness '.'* The Pitt-street Choir did not appreciate Mrs C.'s musical tastes. — The solemn sacred music bored her, And so she raised a point of order ; Uprose she, and expressed her pleasure That they should sing her fav'rite measure; They thought her speech was so unsteady, She'd raised' too many pints already ; And when her husband waltzed around, His length he measured on the ground. One of the amusing features in the temperance movement is to see men like Larkins posing at public meetings in the company of Sir ' William Fox as active workers in the cause, when it is well-known that beyond making grandiloquent and self-laudatory speeches, they do and contribute practically nothing. They apparently think that to shed the lustre of their great names on the movement is a mark of high condecension, for which the real, though humble workers, ought to feel respectfully grateful. We recommend this type of men to the author of " The Snob's Chronicle." Here is a suggestion offered gratis to the Committees of the various Charitable Institutions of Auckland. Would it not pay them to employ secret agents to foster family feuds, and, generally, to stir up ructions between relatives in this community? We strongly recommend this idea from the highest of all motives — Charity. What a noble end would be gained,— what a splendid result achieved in the interests of the various charities, could this plan be acted on with due discretion and persistency. The case referred to in Monday's Gerald should be sufficiently encouraging to stimulate all benevolent committees to exert their energies in tho way suggested. Dear Mr Editor, — In looking over the ancient manuscripts of the latter part of the nineteenth century, I see you have made a mistake in the following quotation, viz. : — " How doth the apiarist, J.C., Improve each shining hour, And gather dollars from the bee As well as from the flour." It reads thus (see Portland cement manuscript) : — " How doth'the apiarist, J. 0., Improve the shiniug lidurs, And gather dollars from the bee As well as from the flours." — Yours, &c, Pltjrabus. A story has been related to us in connection with the circumstances under which the Choral Society obtained the site for the Choral Hall. It is almost too good to be true, but, being good, we will be excused for repeating it. When the Duke of Edinburgh was expected to visit Auckland, the committee of citizens appointed to conduct the "business" erected a temporary ball-room at the rear of Government House, the contractor having permission to remove the somewhat rickety Temple of Terpsichore as soon as royalty had quitted our shores. After the festivities, Mr Fenton— then, as now, a man of considerable importance—purchased for a mere song the ball-room, and obtained permission from the Governor, Sir George Bowen, to use it temporarily as a prnctishig-room for the embryonic Choral Society. Very soon did his Excellency regret his generosity, for night and day fiddling went on right under his back window, and, with music of a very mediocre character, almost caused an aberration of the vice-regal intellect. No peace was got until the present site of < the Choral Hall was obtained for the Choral Society. If ever anything was obtained by persistent fiddling, it was the allotment on which the Choral Hall now stands. " What will ye do, Fred, whin we are going To hear the blowin' o' Mac and Grey ? What will ye do, Fred, ay foes divide us, An' sthrive to chide us be night an" day ?" " Though foes divide ua, on' sthrive to chide us, Wid you beside me so staunch and thrue, I'll bould me own 'gainst aitck adverse motion, Wid deep devotion — that's what I'll do." " What will ye do, Fred, ay mighty spouters, Kale out-an'-outers, begin to blow 'Bout Taranakey an* grate Piakey (I mane the swamp, Fred, ay coorse ye know ? ) " Though Lib'rals blame, an' cry ' Fio for shame !' I'll still prove game, an' give thiin the slew j The votes for sale, sure, upon the rail, sure, I'll buy thiin all up— that's what I'll do. A Kihikihi correspondent sends the following account of a performance at that township -.—The performance of the Waipa Dramatic Club went of well at Kihikihi. Taking the inclemency of the weather, and bad roads into consideration, they had a very good house. The drama of the' " Wilds of Corsica," in any opinion, has not been equalled, either in scenery, or amateur performance in the Waikato. Although lam told that the manager is the only one who has ever made an appearance on a public stage before. The scene painting, as well as ' the drilling of his party into their difficult characters reflects great credit upon his management. The farce of " The British Lion" kept the audience in a continual titter, the characters of the Lion and the Ladies being the life of the piece. It might have concluded better if Mr Blowyard had not left the stage so many times to procure refreshments to enliven his drooping spirits. The character of the Lieutenant deserves brief mention. It is to be hoped that this club will keep together not only for the amusement of the public, but for causes requiring their assistance.

During the past few days there has been some unfavourable comment on the conduct of, Mr Arthur in connection with a mortgage which he induced Mr Bettany to sign, while the latter was intoxicated. At first sight, it appeared that Mr Arthur had induced Bettany to sign a document which had the effect of defrauding the other creditors ; hut from inquiry into the circumstances, we are convinced that Mr Arthur, was entirely innocent of any such design, and acted from motives of regard for Bettany and his family, whom he desired to save from the consequences of intemperance and mismanagement of the estate. It turns out that , Mr Arthur, at the time Bettany signed the mortgage, was quite in ignorance of the fact that there were any other creditors except the previous mortgages to Mr Goldie and Messrs Alexander and Armstrong, and a debt of £10. The property was more than sufficient to cover all the mortgages, and Mr Arthur paid otf the £10 creditors by the sale of aportion' of Bettany's stock. It was not until Bettany was about to file his schedule that Mr Arthur became aware that there were other creditors besides those mentioned. It is necessary to say this much hi justice to Mr Arthur, whose conduct has been erroneously censured by people who were not aware of all the facts. / , ; The bread market was very liyely one day last weok, when the rise alternated with the fall in a most surprising and rapid manner. Two rival baker's assistants mot, and made Wood-street, Ponsonby, their battle ground. They caino, they saw, and eyed each other with

looks of animosity which even to the casual observer betokened an impending fight. After having well examined the ground and taken in the salient military points of vantage, they indulged in what may be termed preliminary badinage ere the serious work got fairly under way. Then 1 they opened fire upon one another. ■ • with the contents of their bread-baskets, hurling small loaves, big loaves, sally-buns, and fancy bread, jam torts, cheese cakes and all the varied assortment of delicacies aifected by the aristocratic tastes of denizens of that neighbourhood. The battle waged fast and furious until a well-directed paper bag of flour burst against the face I of one of the combatants and placed him Tiors de combat The sight presented upon the scene of battle after the * scrimmage was edifying, and the loaves of, -bread, etc., scattered around in the mud would have given a newcomer the idea that food must be pretty plentiful, or the people in the neighbourhod of a slightly indifferent shade of character. >