BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 86, 6 May 1882, Page 124

BRIEF MENTION

Sergeant Pardy has resumed his 'active duties. When the mail left Frisco Mr L. D. Nathan and Miss Nathan were residing at the Palace Hotel. Mr Stout is now on his way to Wellington to undertake the defence oi Te Whiti.' Several young ladies are lamentiug the departure of a young surveyor for Melbourne. We are glad to learn that Mr J. A. Tole, M.H.R., is recovering from his dangerous illness. Mr Doran and his darkey troupe are giving a series of performances at Alexandra. An old gentleman wants to know if any of the Six little B.s of Newton are still open to engagement. We hear that a company will shortly take over the Waiwera sanatorium. Exclamation of an old Wanganui settler on seeing Mr Bryce in Auckland, " Well, I'll be hanged if lie hasn't got clean ! "What next ?" Is there going to he any inquiry hy the Board about that little domestic scandal, or has complete absolution been pronounced ? The Bay of Plenty Times is taking the wind out of the sails of the Brownes by coming out as a daily. Blue blood for ever ! There is an extraordinary similarity between the leading articles in the Belfast Northern Whig and the Bay of Plenty Times. Coincidence of great minds. " The Helights " is the name given to the upper ernst by the erudite Dargavillans. They probably mean " the elite." -„,•,■, The great special war correspondent, Archibald Forbes, was a passenger by the mail steamer oi route for Melbourne. Alice had better take care or she will lose her Ted. No wonder he now sings mournfully " Alice, where art thou ?" . "Turn your head the other way, Jane, said the old inan'to his daughter, while a crowd of young and old were watching the nude kanakas diving off the North Shore Wharf. The financial position of the Mangonui County Council at present is said to look rather "fishy." Their balance sheet shows : Liabilities, £491 6s. Deficient, £364 Is. Why is this thusly ? Mr W. Wilkinson, late proprietor of the Thames Advertiser, talks of establishing a penny morning journal in Auckland. He expects a plant and machinery from England in a few months. Who is the commercial traveller, who, after having the gratuitous services and advice of Mr James Mace for the benefit of his health refused to take a ticket for the Champion's benefit on last Thursday ? Miss Burslem complains of vulgar vandalism by some person who wantonly and maliciously picked to pieces a handsome wax cactus placed by her among the exhibits in the Society of Arts Exhibition. Rejoice oh ye Thistleites ! Louey has returned once more to gladden your hearts. She is as plump as a partridge, and as joyous as a man who has just lost his mother-in-law. Von Simon Peter Judas Harjes has chosen a most inopportune time for his holiday, on the eve of the arrival of his principal creditor from. Sydney. The police are anxious as to Harjes' whereabouts. A fair contributor and admirer suggests the following motto for this page : — Brief mention's here your portion j Brief pars all penned with care, To tread on no one's toeses, And ruffle no one's hair ; But still each par discloses That " we" are always " there." The importance of drawing as a department of education being now recognised, the time is not far distant when the schools of the Colony will furnish formidable competitors against the art classes of private teachers. Of the shareholders of the Bank of New Zealand 94 are parsons. How is it that the institution which is charged with exerting such a powerful influence against the welfare of the " people" is supported to such a large extent by the clergy ? Scene : Aclub. First swell : " Seen that — ah — awticle in the Observah ?" Second swell : Aw, yaas, by Jove ah, beastly low papah !" And after that they sat down and narrated a number of disgusting anecdotes, in the style of " There wns a young man of Calcutta 1" A fair correspondent writes to say that the gentleman who escorted a lady to the North Shore to look for a gold chain would like to meet the young man in the slouched hat who brought his charming cousin over. What Spinx-like riddle is hidden here ? A young gentleman of the " jam tart" species wants to find the whereabouts of a young lady who formerly lived in Conquest Place. It appears he has made a bet that she is the prettiest figure in Auckland, and stands to lose if he cannot produce his model. The lady she was fair and tall, In Cupid's toils the snob was fast, He knelt and offered her his awl, And rowed his love would always last. What was it made him change his suit ? A spectacle he saw quite shocking — When he took off his angel's boot He saw a big hole in her stocking. Great credit is due to Mr Justice Gillies for his fearless and able exposition of the law relative to " The West Coast Settlements Act, 1880." His independence contrasts favourably with the conduct of some other judges. ' We regret to record the death of Mr Henry Martin White, solicitor, of Napier, brother to Mr P. A. White, of this city. Deceased, who was much respected, ■was only 25 years of age, and succumbed to a severe attack of inflammation of the lungs and fever on the 3rd instant? at Napier. A firm doing a little in the Island business laving casually heard that a certain copra station situated a few miles from M. was unnoccupied, resolved to jump the claim, and despatched a vessel forthwith. The vessel returned, but brought back no copra as expected, and everybody concerned is exceedingly " mum." At a grand ball, given on one of our local goldfields recently, there were present thirteen men and two ladies. The belle was a lady with nine children and a baby in arms. The ladies said it was splendid. The -men, when the ladies were in hearing, said it was nice. The amount of jealousy generated in those thirteen manly bosoms was simply awful. The concert given in the Choral Hall in aid of the fund for the repair and renovation of the school of the Sisters of Mercy, Parnell, was well attended by the Eoman Catholic clergy, and a large number of the general public. A well-selected programme was creditably gone through, and the Hobson Band played some of the choicest parts of "The Pirates of Penzance." The arrangements were well managed by Miss Shanaghan. THE LAST LAY. (Addressed from the spot where he " last lay.") I don't mean to joke at misfortune ; To do so indeed would be wrong, So my note is a brief and a Crisp' un, And is sure not to last very long. When a man from the 'bus he is driving Pull length on the pavement is cast, It is time to be quoting the proverb— •' Let the Shumaker stick to his last." A rather amusing story is told of poor Tommy Bates, who was the other week sentenced by our E.M. to two months for vagrancy. Tommy was placed .in charge of a telegraph station up North and shortly after his arrival there people began to remark what a large number of telegrams one of the local bomfaees received, as Tommy, might be seen a dozen times a day running to the tfotel'with a neatly folded telegram in his hand and shortly/ afterwards coming out folding up the. receipt. ThisSiSed to happen so often in the course of a day. that an oinosition boniface would not believe that his rival ffot so many" wires" so he set some of his friends to "They discovered that upon entering the hotel "^^KiSii»y always stuffed the " dummy" message into his S'^SasUHS i called for a " long sleever" and after carefully froth from his mouth would go forth folding "s^^^^w^i- tolegrani receipt and. sticking a pencil

We observe that the Waikato Times has correct ed the grammar of the announcement on its front page since the Observer drew attention to it. The schoolmaster, however, has not yet penetrated to more remote regions, as we find that the Hawera and Normanhy Star repeats the identical blunder in a conspicuous notification that the paper is issued " Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons." Will some 'one not pass on the discoveries of Lindley Murray ? There's something in a name sometimes. For example, two of the athletes now exhibiting in the Theatre are well named. "Victor" should, in the natural order of things, be a champion of some kind or other, and " Miller" is a most appropriate name for a "professor" who has come through many a serious " mill." Of course, the latter is no friend of the renowned Joe Miller, of jocular proclivities, for who ever heard of a man with any sense of humour engaging in such an insane performance as fighting ! Mr James Ingram, of Hoffman's Buildings, Queen-street, has commenced business as an advertising agent, and has issued an able circular in which he points out the advantages of judicious and careful advertising, as compared with clumsily worded and unskilfully displayed business announcements. Having had considerable experience in the English and American papers, he offers his services in wording advertisements in the most attractive form, the selection of the best media and other matters of advantage to all classes of people in business. LOCKWOOD— BOND. (See marriage announcement in daily papers.) Bow sweet it is to read the news Of youth and maidens fond Who thrust their heads into the noose Of wedloc?c's happy bond. 'Tis likely, if we knew the truth, That bliss was mixed with pain, And true love's course was not ali smooth With William and his Jane ! But love the Zoc7csmith's art defied ; All suffering was condoned, When by a license the fair bride Was taken out of Bond ! And think not that to servitude The maid resigned her charms ; She fled from Bondage to be Locked In her " sweet William's" arms. An extraordinary story has been told regarding the death of the Prince Imperial. A noted Communist of the harrica&ier type, who was at the point of death, aEked to make a disclosure to the chaplain. He declared solemnly that he was sent from Geneva to South Africa after the Prince Imperial, His expenses were largely provided for, and he was promised 50,000 francs for the news of the death of the heir to the Imperial throne. He described his adventures and his method of securing accomplices among the Zulus. A sum of money was sent to him for distribution, and after the hideous deed he returned to Geneva and " touched" the 50,000 francs. These he spent in debauchery after the amnesty, and he died lately in a state of utter destitution.

A youth of 18 presented himself before Mr T. Spnrgeon the other day frr the purpose of heing united in wedlock to a charming 1 young damsel of sweet 28. T. S., it is well known, has a horror of matrimony, and under these circumstances, marriage seemed peculiarly awful. He at first refused to perform the ceremony, as he thought that instead of the bridegroom bringing the bride, she had brought him. However, the youth's father was present, and assured the dubious parson that it was " all right," and consequently the tragedy was enacted. A good stovy is told of Sydney Taiwhanga who went Home the other day to present a petition to the Queen. Sydney got into pecuniary difficulties, and was haunted by fear of duns. One day a bailiff ran him to enrfch in a Maori whare, and seizing a favourable opportunity when Sydney was alone rushed in to capture him. He caught the native by the blanket, which was left in his hand, like Joseph's shirt-tail in the hand of Potiphar's wife. Then the bailiff tried to grab Sydney who was in puris naturdlibus. But the man slipped from his hands and ran off into the bush. Taiwhanga had carefully oiled himself all over ! BOTTLED THUNDER. In Syinonds-street, 'neath Eden hill, The people think no wonder If now and then a storm breaks out With loud and rattling thunder. But Mary Thunder when she storms Astonishes the denizens, And scatters like the bolts of Jove Her fierce and scathing benisous ! But modern science, which has chained The lightning to her chariot, Cai\ bind up thunder neck and crop And into durance carry it. Three months she's got ! What Shelley wrote Her case most aptly fits : — * • In a cavern under is chained the Thunder, It struggles and howls by fits !" He was a member of the French Club, and he thought he would like to air his knowledge of the language of la belle France, so the other night, when seated on the sofa with his lady-love, he softly murmured : — " Angelina, je V adore '." " Shut it yourself !" was her indignant reply as she jerked herself away from his vicinity. " A\i\ ma vie!" he cried imploringly, "whs no me conprenez pas?" "No," retorted she haughtily, " not very likely I'll go and bring down pa after your rude conduct 1" It took that infatuated youth three-quarters of an.hour to explain matters, and now he has come to a resolution not to ventilate his French outside the Y. M. C. A. Kooin.s The hospitality of country people is proverbial, ;and a team of Auckland cricketers recently had a delightful experience. They drove out one Saturday afternoon to one of the outlying Tillages near Auckland, and played a match with the local rustics. At the conclusion of the game they were about to starton their return journey, when their opponents stated that a dinner had been provided for them, and begged them to accept an invitation. * r As cricketers are generally a

hungry and thirsty lot, the hospitable offer was received with enthusiastic gratitude and the dinner was speedily done full justice to. The guests were about to rise from the table and give three cheers for their entertainers as an expression of their thanks, when they were all called upon by the landlord to " stump up" for their refreshment ! The bucolics smiled on the landlord approvingly, and the guests also smiled, but in a curious one-sided manner. They kept their cheers for a more convenient season, and solemnly vowed that the next time they went they would— take their dinners with them.

FEENCHMAN VERSUS LAEEIKIN.

We have received tlie following rhyming epistle in reference to the base lines about a " baker" (kiss) which, appeared in last week's Observer :— MONS. LE REDACTEtTR — Moi, je suis Francais ; Dans votre jonrnal j'ai lv Cc qu'un sceldrat ecrivait Snr la scene iinprevn Qui, dans le salle Y. M. C. A., Samedi, avait lieu. Moi, j'etais la; La lurnidre brillait ; Une instant, voila ! Tout tenebreux c'etait ; Mais ja n'ecoutais pas Ni rire, ni baiser ! Que vondrais-vous ? Je crois C'etaifc le vilain meine Qui detournait le gaz, Qu'envoyait cette noenae; Ah ! que je rencontrait Cet coquin anatheine ! Having handed this to the P. D. for translation, the "familiar spirit" in about ten minutes produced the following. We upbraided diaholns rather gently for having put the effusion into such barbarous English, whereupon he responded, "Well, you see, it is very barbarous French !" We did not suppose the P.D. meant any punning reference to Victor Longuet, or he should have been promptly punished. However, here s his translation :— Mb Editor,— I am a Frenchman bold, And I read, sir, in your paper What some scoundrel base has told About the stupid caper At the Y. M. C. A. played Last Saturday, 'tis said. I was there and all at once The shining light I missed ; Thick darkness ruled the scene For a while ; but I'll be blessed If I either saw or heard Any person being kissed ! I'm free to bet my life, 'Twas the self-same larrikin Wrote the lines as doused the light. And he ought to be " run in ;" If I had the ugly wretch I would nicely tan his skin !

THE ALEXANDRA BEIDGE CHRISTENING. 'Twas Johnny Bryce of fresh, device Who had a rare idea, So down he sent, with wise intent, This message to Tawhiao : — " At our christenings now, we've no empty pow-wow, Nor pouring of drink down the throttle ; I've no wish to muzzle your love of a guzzle ; But, please make the christening teetotal !" 'Twas quite too nice of Hoani Bryce To evolve this bright idea ; But the Maori King thought no such thing, For thus replied Tawhiao : — " Come along, bully boys, let's have feasting and noise, Let us drink till we empty each bottle ; Spite of niggardly. Bryce, we'll have ginger and spice, And cakes and strong ale, ay, and everything nice, The poafca may join the teetotal !" The Tauranga Tradesman's Dancing Class is now open to a limited number of members. There are a few young men excluded. The committee consists of E. H. C.S., boot and shoemaker to King Tawhiao, " Holy Joe," smithy, Tommy J., billiard-marker (but the game is love with him), secretary, King Tawhiao, treasurer, E. H. C. S., general manager, " Holy Joe." The committee came to the conclusion that only mechanics should be admitted, mechanics such as Mr P. M. t fishmonger, Mr C. H., tinsmith, tinker, etc. Poor Mr Ribs has been blackballed on account of the active part he took at the Foresters' Ball. There are a few young storeinen blackballed. There is a shilling a week over after paying expanses which is to go towards a fancy dre3S ball at the end of the quarter. Poor Mr P. was blackballed. They were going to run him in. A well-known traveller (in more senses than one) whose specialty is the wine and spirit trade, was dreadfully had by a country hotelkeeper the other day. The pub. man, after giving a good order, told the traveller and a soft goods ditto that they must crack a bottle of " fiz " before they went, adding that he had some splendid tack " llyrs. old." They cracked— at least the man of calico paid— and were disappointed, as the wine ■was flat nnd sour. So the genial landlord proposed another, but put off on them a bottle of a cordial — known as " champagne cider." The commercials put it away like mother's milk, and voted it a good, sound, flavouring wine, and paid 12s 6d for it. The rag-man parted, and now the man of pick-me-ups tells what a grand judge of his own goods the traveller is. He says the shoddy chap is not to be wondered at, but the other " py Shimini, ain't he was a fool is'nt it ! " There lias been a storm in a teapot in Cambridg arising out of the jealousy between that township and Hamilton. One of the Cambridge team made a jesting remark on the occasion of a match at Te Awalnutu which was taken to heart and keenly resented by the Cambridge men, -who proceeded to hold a formal inquiry, framed an indictment against him, and insisted on his expulsion from the Waikato Club. His accusers suspected him of sending a certain paragraph to the Observer, and forthwith adjudged him guilty without affording him an opportunity of vindicating himself. Subsequently he received a telegram from us exonerating hini from any. connection with' the paragraph in ques-

tion and he forwarded this to the accusers, demanding in fairness a retractation of the charges against him, but no reply has been vouchsafed, There is some reason to believe that he is being made the scapegoat for local jealousy, which is as uniust as it is paltry and mean.