BRIEF MENTION ECLIPSE OF THE SUN.

Observer, Volume IV, Issue 84, 22 April 1882, Page 92

BRIEF MENTION

ECLIPSE OF THE SUN.

To Lefc. — The Ministerial offices. Peltzer has been presented with a purse of soys. More J.P.s ! — Ten Jolly Peddlers created at a batch. New reading — All my eye and Eous Marten — the special press telegrams. " Raised to the Beerage " : A brewer who has been trained to the business from his youth. -There were 320 men in the Eight Hours Demonstration when it started. "A Lying Spirit" : The Spirit of the Press in the New Zealand Times. Many clergymen figure in the ranks of ardent dog-fanciers in England. The Volunteer Commission is hard at work. The number of claims in legion, and the evidence inexhaustible. The Ministry have thsir (HJall And will no longer stay, Once New Zealand's colour is A sombre shade of Grey.

One of our contemporaries refers to a marrage (lnnrringe ? ) Just so—" A man that married, is a man that's marred." Sir George Grey -was highly pleased with the fine pictures exhibited by Mr Sa'lter, at Leech's, and took tickets in the Art Union, which will shortly close. This is the very latest atrocity : Why is the Auckland City Council like Pharoah's daughters? Because they both drew a little prophet (profit) out of the water ! A Taranald man spotted the double — Loui and Te Whetuinaraina — the odds being £50 to £2. Jacob Enko was the larger. A sodawater spring has been discovered near Whangarei. But what the people want is a brandy spring to mix with it. A funny fellow suggested to the übiquitous Percival that the club should run a ferry steamer between the grand-stand and the weighing room. " Percy " wasn't on. In the House of Commons the proposer and seconder of the address-in-reply appear in Court-dress. Here is a chance for some of our now members to make a sensation. Said a beery man at the races on Tuesday " Hie ! we are, hie ! mere pimples on the back of society." He then sat down in a quiet corner of the muddy saddling paddocks to cogitate on the beauty of the smile. The other clay Dr Purchas discovered a tadpole in the milk which had been delivered by his dairyman. Of course, the vendors of lacteal fluid would never be guilty Of diluting their milk with water, and the cow must have imbibed that tadpole in drinking. Ours is soda and b. I The Majuba Hill disaster was not owing to the short-service system. The average age of the men was twenty-seven years, and their average length of service seven years. One of the battalions had been a few months before in Sir Frederick Eobert's famous march from Kabul to Kandahar. What a wonderful place is Auckland for small children ! Almost every woman one meets in the street or sees on a verandah will be found; on a cursory glance, to be nursing a baby. " Hang out the banners," &c, " The cry is still they come !" The Licensing Commissioners would do well to pay some attention to the conduct of one of the Waikato pubs. The other day the landlady (?) stigmatised a platelayers' ganger as "a* lank liar, and a blank mean son of a female canine," and threatened to perform an operation on his skull. " They were so outre and incoherent as to stamp the poor fellow as printer's ink." This occurred in an account of the Otamatea shindy. The italicised words •were slid in by an absent-minded typo who was looking at a young girl in blue on the other side of the street ; what we wrote was "to stamp the poor fellow as very eccentric." ' ■ A facetious contributor mates the following comments on the recent marriage of a butcher : — Why did she marry him ? — Well because she thought he'd suet (suit) her, and she'd make him a good help-meat, and, therefore, there was a joint interest -in the match by which she became bone of his bone, &c. We have sent a copy of this to the proper medical authorities for their opinion. A North Shore lady sends us a thrilling account of an adventure she had " under the gaslight " at the Victoria Wharf. She went with a party of ladies and gentlemen to witness the inaugural grand illumination of this particular light. Says gent No. 1 " Who spit in that lamp?" Kb 2, "Why there's a match in it." No. 3 climbed up to see. No. 4 ran up the wharf to get a lamp to see what was in the lamp. EPISTLE TO TIMOTHY. Timothy Hayes goes through this life In a sort of Milky Way, And he dwells afar from care and strife Where the stern Three Kings have sway, Whence he hies him down to the busy town To sell his milk each day. But Timothy Hayes can smell a rat, And he knows a friend from foe ; And the fishy jokes of Harry Spratt He could not stand, oh no ! . . . And Timothy Hays for fourteen days To Eden Gaol must go ! A correspondent complains in indignant terms of the brutal conduct of a certain bailiff who dodged Mm about Queen-street, and waited until he caught him in the most public place— the steps of the Postoffice to serve a sxuninons. Technically a bailiff has a right to serve a summons wherever he can catch his man, but some regard ought to be paid to a man's feelings, and if a bailiff goes out of his way to import intentional offensiveness into the performance of his duties, he is not fit for his position. Two footsteps sound In a dim-lit hall, A smacking kiss An unearthly squall ; And a man came out From behind the door, And kicked himself And softly swore. " Good Lord," said he, . " WBat an awful plant, ■ To kiss in the dark Tour maiden aunt ! " : A would be wit who calls himself "Father • William the Scribe" sends us a mock Scriptural des- ' cript'ioii of a trip to Waitakerei Falls by " St. Thomas " - ana-a'partyfr.om his congregation. The substance of tKo'niatteirisihat the party lost their way, got soused '■ witfrrain} and came back without reaching their desOut of these slender materials "Father 1 %Wmiim'' weaves a long winded rigmarole. Moreover on both sides of the paper. The thing is too

Wakefield is buttering up Whitaker. Hall intends to resign his seat for Selwyn, and Wakefield, his nephew, hopes to succeed him. I A well known citizen, of rubicun visage, is now known amongst his friends as "The Aurora AusI tralis." I " Communication cannot be inaugurated until I the arrival of the telephones from Wellington." This is worth more than a penny a line. t The Ponsonby Choral Society are working hard to make the forthcoming concert, under the leadership of Herr Carl Schmidt, a success. Rev. J. R. Davis has received £50 from his congregation as an " Easter Offerings." Are there any more of these little "offerings" knocking about? Send 'em this way. " The Maories were beginning to realise that the policy (Bryce's) was just and merciful." And yet they say the quality of mercy is not strained. What a judge the writer will make !— a perfect Jeffreys. " Damn the Observer," remarked the juvenile secretary of the Ponsonby Eegatta Club, when our reporter civilly applied for the entries.' Where did the wicked young man acquire these bad habits ? No wonder Cotter is enraged, And Faulkner will not spare ; How can a man be disengaged ' When he has got a fair ? There is some talk of a lawn tennis match between Miss Woolnough and Miss Mowbray. As these ladies are the acknowledged champions of their respective clubs, a most interesting contest is sure to result. Some fellows at the Durham-street market the other day sent to an odiucent hotel for a gallon of beer, and there being no utensil large enough to contain it, a toilet jug was used. One of the barmaids wanted to use a receptacle of less classic outlines than the jug, bat was over-ruled. Mr Gr. Fraser (lately draftsman for the firm of Fiaser and Tinne) was entertained at a dinner at Dallen's new Coffee Palace on Monday evening, and was presented with several handsome souvenirs on the] occasion of his severing his connection with the firm in order to visit the neighbouring colonies and Europe. On Valentine's Day Rous Marten received, through the post, numerous boxes containing pieces of soap, flesh brushes, pumice-stone. The ordinary appearance of his face resembles that of one of Doran's Minstrels, who has just wiped himself with a wet towel after a warm night's work. Glorious uncertainty of the law. A white manwalks into a house at Otamatca at tea-time to get " five minutes " with the mother of a girl to whom he had been engaged, and is committed for trial by three Justices. A blacknmn breaks into a house in Freeman's Bny through the window, frightens an unprotected woman iii bed, and is discharged by a Magistrate because he did not go there with any " felonious intent." . The North Shore Ferry Company cannot divest themselves of some responsibility for the Olde Englishe Fayre fiasco. In the first place Mr Tanner, the Secretary of the Company, declined to issue tickets to include admittance to the groimds, but, it is said, was overruled, by the Chairman of Directors, whose paddock was lot for the Fayre, and who was thus directly interested in the matter. Old mother McLean To the cupboard had been To see if some grub she could bag. When she got there The cupboard was bare, f : So they gave her six months as a " vag." j Tarantara ! tarautara ! What is the name of that blooming young damsel who was followed down to one of the North Shore Ferry steamers by a well-known bank clerk, and had a regular fight over paying the fare ? However only a shilling was lost in the struggle. In the future don't walk down the Queen-street wharf at such an unearthly hour ! A "FORCE"— IBLE LESSON. Oh, Sergeant Kidd Do what yeu're bid, j And go through fire and water ; Or soon shall rise The sacrifice — A " lad. " led forth to slaughter ! While in the Force, You must, of course, Do just what you are taught, or The High-Priest Brycc Will sacrifice And lead the " 7ad " to slaughter ! The arrangements in connection with " Ye Olde Englishe Fayre " appear to have been one melancholy series of failures. There was intermittent rain. Most of the work was done on Sunday, so that the failure supplies the Sabbatarians with another good text. The larrikins mobbed and pelted the clown, the columbine seeing this funked ; the police stopped Cheap Jack, Aunt Sally, and interfered with the shows on the ground of their being unlicensed ; the circus broke down because some one got drunk. The only people who reaped any benefit from the Fayre were the Ferry Company, and the publicans, but we think Auckland people will think twice before they again patronise any of these North Shore "draws." Amongst the many kinds of stylographs recently invented the best we have seen is the " Wilson's Stylus, or fomitain-ink pen," now on sale at the establisment of Mr Wayte, Queen-street. It is simple in design, comfortable to the hand, and very effective. It is easily replenished with ink when required, and does not get out of order. We have used one of these fountain-ink pens in our ordinary journalistic work, and find that it answers admirably, effecting a great saving of time, and writing as legibly and neatly as the best ordinary pen. Travellers, or persons engaged in canvassing or collecting accounts, will find "Wilson's Siylus" invaluable in their ordinary business. They are much below the other patents of the same class in price. Mr Lennox, we understand, has ordered a further supply of a stylus, which writes with an ordinary nib. MICHAEL ANGELO'S BEER. John Beaton was a bushman bold Who came to Auckland town, With one John Michael Angelo (Not the artist of renown). When Michael for a long beer called— Net value just a groatJohn Beaton took the mixture up And poured it down his throat. The poet tells us " art is long, And time is fleeting" too ; But Michael T s beer, we see, was " long," And a quiefc-fleeting view ! Now Beaton's banished to the bush, No more his face to show. Or practice any " arf'ful tricks On Michael Angelo ! Notwithstanding the repeated statements that we would not publish written announcements of engagements and intended marriages, owing to the fact that several such intimations with forged signatures had been received, they continue to pour in. To prevent needless trouble, it should be understood that no announcements of engagements, or forthcoming marriages will be published unless communicated personally to the editor or vouched for by the signature of some wellknown person of standing in the community, whose name will be a guarantee of the genuineness of the communication. We once thought of asking the Government to employ the horde of J.P.s in this duty. It would keep them oxit of mischief. We abandoned the idea when we learned that J.P.s only covet the honour of being enrolled in the list in order to be able to append the magic letters to their signatures, and dislike the duties attatched to their office. It was rather hard upon the better half of the voum? gentleman who is studying the part of the heavy I villain in a play to be performed by an amateur dramatic ' club when the next morning she had to undergo the severe scrutiny of her neighbours. Study he seems to think more easy when gone through of an evening with the consequence that his impassioned agony breaks upon the stillness of the night with the greater force. The vehemence of his declaration prompted the curious the next morning to take particular stock of the lady who owns him as a husband, and the ordeal she had to undereo before the public were convinced there had been no domestic tragedy— no black eyes or bodily violence— toeether with the talking-to he received from his wife when the reaction set in, and she recovered her wonted snirits has put a damper upon his theatrical aspirotion, and he' promises never to do it again no more, or at most to commence earlier.

The police ought to make an example of some of the butcher boys and others who gallop recklessly along the most frequently parts of Queen-street. The other day a gentleman was knocked down by one of these young fleshers, and narrowly escaped being killed by a passiug dray. The arrangements made by the late Ministry on Mr Hall's resignation for the subsequent carrying on of the Government, says that Wellington " special " were "in view of party interests." Just so ! Nothing about the interests of the country. One o£ our contemporaries expresses surprise that Messrs Dunninghaui and King have not yet been paid their bill for feeding Tawhiao and his party. Why, it is only the other day that Mr Codling, of the Royal Mail Hotel, got paid for the dinner given to Eewi and party, which canie off over two years ago ! Some people have got no patience. Our Cambridge correspondent writes : — ±he gay young baiter (Mr W. T.), referred to in youv last issue, is likely to have another very interesting item tor his diary after his next visit to Cambridge. Invitations have been issued for an impromptu bread-and-butter dance at the Public Hall, Cambridge, on Friday next. Great surprise was expressed in Cambridge and district at the unfortunate Mifceara's sentence." THE PLAYGOEES 1 FAREWELL. Miss Godfrey, fare thee well ! we wish you bliss, We'll miss your voice, and your sweet face, Miss Carrie ; Our earnest prayer you will not take amiss— Think on us too wherever you tarry ! . Whatever lands you see, And whatever your lot may be, Even with you you'll happiness carry, Miss Carrie, And may none of yonr plans e'er miscarry .' Where on earth did our contemporary obtain the information that Sir George Grey told the Governor that "he was willing to form a Ministry.' We have authority for stating that Sir George Grey was not asked to form a Ministry, and made no otfer of the kind. An epidemic of lying seems to have been spread about from Wellington. We would suggest that the lying special correspondents in the Empire city should be quoraiitined, and morally fumigated. A PARSON IN CHANCERY. Outside the Council Chambers On a bleak autumnal morning, A saintly man stood in the rain, The cruel weather scorning, And watched the women steeped in gin, And filth, and vice, up to the chin, A little man the corner turned, Of innocence, the picture ; She seemed unto the holy man On the scene of vice and stricture. He asked her 'bout last Sunday's text, But quickly found his error, When she exclaimed "You, blasted fool, lam the Mill's Lane terror ! " The Godly man then turned, with pain, From dirty, beery, Chancery Lane. " Give me the wings of faith" was the selection sung br the choir at n recent religious meeting where " challenges" were employed to wipe oft a church debut. As the wind was being raised, the wings would, of course, come in handy. When it was announced that the little expedient had realised £36 6d, the choir struck in with "Not all the blood of beasts," m allusion probably to the thirst of the parsons for the circulating medium. A very nice selection of ladies and gentlemen appeared at an invitation ball, which was given by the Eiversdale Manufacturing Company, and it passed oft in excellent style. The following dresses were mostly noticed:— Misses Laurie, pink and white; Mrs Forsyth, black silk ; Miss Wallace, wine-colour and cream ; Miss Ryan, black and cardinal ; Miss Wilson, pink and white; Misses Forsyth, cream lace and old gold ; Miss Hunter, wine and silk. The Volunteer Claims Commissioners have been hard at work. Downie avers that since they commenced ' their labours in Auckland they have been interviewed j by 2000 old soldiers, 1781 militiamen, 201 volunteers, , 587 pensioners, 43 loafers, 21 bull dogs, and some millions of flens, to say nothing of other vermin. Some of these " old soldiers," preferred 55 claims each, and one pertinacious nuisance wanted a whole commission to himself for two years. The evening party at the Catholic Institute passed off very successfully, and all seemed to enjoy themselves thoroughly. The following were about the prettiest dresses we noticed :— Misses Connoly, cream , and cardinal ; Misses Brannaghan, pink ; Miss Butler, pink- Miss Lynch, black velvet; Miss Hunter, wme colour; Miss Riordan, cream and cardinal; Miss Mooney, black merino and silk ; Miss Dunne, white and satin, and wae undoubtedly the belle of the ball. - Well, here's a rummy go — The swells who feted Tawhiao Won't pay the money that they owe To Dunninghain and King. These ill-used publicans must wait To get the scores rubbed off their slate, For those big dinners that they ate. Poor Dunningham and King ! They drank " long-sleevers " at the bar, They turned the house into a pah, And did the thing with great eclat. The like was never seen before. Great magnates made themselves so grand And gave the chiefs a friendly hand, In hopes to get a block of land ; But who's to pay the score? Why is it the Theatre Boyal cannot be kept open ? It is rather hard upon actors who make Avickland their home on the streugth of an engagement, to find the " mill" only running half-time, and themselves put to unnecessary expense. Auckland is obtaining such a bad name among the profession that it is hardly reasonable to suppose, unless things are altered very materially, that good men will feel inclined to remain here longer than they can help. As the matter at present stands, they are supposed to be always ready at hand when wanted, and after a few nights acting must be content to go back upon the shelf until they are again taken down for use. The theatrical world is quite prepared for a new dispensation, and would herald with joy the advent of an apostle of enterprise. A PARNELL IDYLL. There was an old dame of Parnell Who considered herself a big swell ; She went to " at homes," Fed her boarders on bones, And was generally voted a sell ! This pusson a fair daughter had, Who drove all the young fellers mad; Her name wasn't Rose, But she wore wonderful clothes ; Hair false, and buzzom all pad. A limb of the law fell in luv With the boarding-house keeper's fair dove, He dipped in his pocket, And bought her a locket, And boldly his suit did he shuv. But the young folks soon hacl a row When the bloke called the girl's ma a frau, Which the gal soon resents, And returns his presents, All, all, but the locket, I trow. Snobs are to be met with in every walk in lifo and are not alone confined to the would-be upper classes. A journeyman applied one wet evening last week at a painter's shop for employment ; but arriving at about 7 o'clock he found the proprietor had gone out to see a riend, and was received by the painter's wife. Haying stated he wished to see Mr , the following little scene was enacted:— She : "Mr is out, sir, but can Ido anything for you ?" He : " Oh, I called to see Mr , 6he: " I'm very sorry, sir. Nellie ! do you know where your father's gone ? Go and see if he is over at Mr , and tell him a gentleman wants him." He : " Oh ! I don't want to trouble you so much. I came only to enquire if you wanted a hand." She (changing her affability and renouncing her servility for a more dignified mien) : "Business is over for the day. If you want to see Mr come in the morning." She slams the door. One of the many instances ot the unsatisfactory nature in which the duties of secretary to the Ponsonby Regatta Club have been performed this year, may be mentioned : A short time ago a well-known land and estate agent, who resides in Ponsonby, gave his annual donation to the funds of the club, and became entitled to several flagship tickets. Throught some oversight these were not forwarded, and Mr Blank j wrote to the secretary asking for tickets. The reply

was curfc, and thoroughly characteristic of the youth He wrote back requesting the applicants to " get his tickets where he paid his money." To make the matter worse, he ottered to write an "order" to admit Mr Blank to the flagship. Of course, the covert insult was seen through, and the "order" declined. Family reo-afctns will not profit by another subscription from that quarter thanks to the extreme "courtesy" and "gentlemanly" conduct of the amiable youth. And yet they talk of making a presentation to him. Oh, ye gods I

"OUR GALS."

Mistress— Really, Jane, you are so lazy and slovenly that you must go, for I cannot put up with you any longer. • „ . . Jane— Ho! hindeed! Well, I wasn't agom' to stop in yer rubbishin' place, as several of the fust families m Auckland 'as been a-beggin' of me almost on their bended fcnees to go and stay with 'em. (Loud snijfs, a'pressloeof contempt.) A brother of one of the two young Ladies of Ponsonby who recently "roved in maiden meditation fancy free" as far as Timaru, called at the office and informed us that Miss Murray is the younger of the girls— not the elder as stated last week. It would appear from Ma statement that the credit of whatever skill was displayed in the arrangement of the details belongs to the other young lady. The cable informs us that Sir Henry Park s engagements in England include a banquet for every day in the present month. Thrice happy Parks, who every day His hungry stomach nll3, Bat won't there be the devil to pay With antibillious pills ! E'en Jonah's fish before this pales — (A sprat among the minnows) Sir Enery comes from New South Whales And swallows thirty dinners. All the Auckland scientists having been astray about the Aurora Australia. We cabled to the Astronomer- Eoyal for an explanation of the phenomenon, ana the following is his reply:— "When the melofygistic temperature of the horizon is such as to caloncise the inipnriont indentations of the hemispheric analogy the cohesion of the borax curbistus becomes surcharged with infinitesimals, this being effected, a rapid change takes place in the thorambumpter of the gyasticutus palerium this followed by the decomposition of the nimbolar archos caosos those charming coruscations of cirro-cirtuocular light which are only seen when visible." Of course this settles tho matter. THE CHTJECH- CENSUS : A SENSIBLE CONTRO VERSY. Says the Star to the Kirfc— " If your duty you sbirfc, I am willing to ta7;e it in hand. And number the people Who sit 'neath each steeple In this noted Christian lan 11" ', Says the Kir7; to the Star— " You inaccurate are In the figures you give, I am sure ; And if folta don't turn out, They're at whisfcey or " stout," Or reading light litera-chure !" Siys the Star to the Kirfc— " Tho whole question you shirfc, And your own chosen people abus 3 ; But it's perfectly plain 'Tisn't Darwin, or Paine, Or Colenso, who empties your pe^vs ! " Nor is it tbo drink, As you, confident, think, Nor our supplement, spicy and naw : 'Tis the dull things you preach, And the dull way you teach— 'Tis the Pulpit that empties the Pew ! The Auckland Society of Arts opened their second annual exhibition in the Choral Hall on Thursday afternoon, and the affair promises to be. a great success. The exhibits are an improvement on those of a previous occasion. Contributions have been received from Mr Gibb (Canterbury), Messrs Bloomfield, A. Martin, Druminond, Mr J. McCosh Clark, Mrs Home, and other Auckland artists ; and there are also several - contributions of beautiful paintings in the new style so nmch in favour in England, but a new feature in Auckland. The competition studies for pupils appear to be very good. Poor Greorge Jones ! How disappointed and sorrow-stricAran ho will be when he hears that the Governor has after all sent for the dreaded Whitafcer, "Heavens!" he exclaimed, "What an escape the colony has had ! A Cabinet of WhitaJ:ers ! Can anyone conceive a greater calamity befalling the country I" This reminds us of an editor who seized on a rumour that Sir William Fox had been drowned at sea, and sang the following lament :—" Poor Sir William Fox ! Lost in the element he loved so well ! " George will soon awafce to the dreadful reality, the fragrant Havanah, and the tuneful fiddle will have no more attractions for him, and the mangle in the bacfc-rooin will cease its melancholy grind. A RANDOM SHOT : Ob, A HAZARDOUS OPINION.' Soon Peltzer goes to other scenes. As far away as Paris is ; And outside Gentiles weep and wail, As well as French Club Pharisees. j But yet to say that none rejoice Is an opinion hazardous ; For, oh, great guns ! excuse the puns, It's well known Mr Hazard does ! " A BRIDLE FOR THE ASS." John Pepper is no skulking ghost Who roams about quite idle ; The other day (where 'twasn't 203t) He chanced to find a bridle ! But for this clever " bridle" feat They've into "bridewell" thrown him They caught him right in Darby-street, And clapped the " darbies " on him! Unbridled passion, strong and hot, Was poor John Pepper's pleadin' ; But all in vain.— Three months he got To cool upon Mount Eden ! On Wednesday evening last, on that portion of Ponsouby-road contiguous to the park, and where the shade-trees on either hand lend a sylvan aspect to the scene, by the fitful light of the glimmering gas-lamp was revealed a well-known young lady of the neighbourhood, evidently keeping tryst. In due course her laggard swain put in an appearance, andi whatever may have been the cause of his unpunctuality (provided always the fair damsel was not ahead of time), he soon manifested, by unmistakable signs, the odour of his affection. A kiss like the twittering of birds broke the silence of the oreiiing air, aud then a hurried exclamation, a small shriek, and what sounded uncommonly like "Oh, drat ife, Louisa, why will you" . But the latter part of the sentence remained inaudible. What caused the little unpleasautness must beleffctoeurmiae. It looked as if an arm was suddenly withdrawn from