THE SNOB'S CHRONICLE.

Observer, Volume IV, Issue 84, 22 April 1882, Page 88

THE SNOB'S CHRONICLE.

BY A SNOB.

No. 2.— The Ball-room S> t ob. Spectatum aclmisi vision leneatis, amici. WuiTEHS on manners and customs have always been struck by the inconsistencies displayed by men and women, especially the latter, in what is technically called society. Association is so allpowerful, and example is so contagious, that persons not altogether wanting usually in sense and discretion, behave under these influences in a manner which can only excite ridicule for them. For illustration, say at a dancing party or ball. What can be in itself more ludicrous than to behold a number of elderly men and women, arrayed in the most uncomfortable of all the possible costumes of the present period, hopping and jumping round each other, through a crowded room in the warmest time of the warm season. Were you admitted to see it, could you restrain your laughter, oh, my friend? And this is what one does see commonly in a ball-room. But that is not the worst. Many persons, ladies and gentlemen (in a Colonial sense), go to dancing parties, ostensibly for dancing, who hare no more skill in the Tei-pischorean art than a juvenile hippopotamus, whose habitat is Central Africa. Why should such people enter a ball-room at all ; and oh, why should they delude some other snob to attempt to sfceer them through the mazy 1 throng. Fancy 10 or 12 stone of solid immobility 1 depending upon your efforts to navigate through i ever so many other mobile and immobile solids — partial desperation, and unlimited perspiration, I a limp collar, and a general dampness.' We speak feelingly, for we, good natured snob .as we are, have been a victim. Parties, as we understand them in Colonial society, are redolent of all the elements of snobbery. Ball-givers and ballgoers (not to the manner born) are alike animated by an insane desire to imitate the manners and fashions of a condition of society of which they know nothing— manners and fashions too which are in no way worthy of imitation. You will j constantly hear young male snobs and pretty young feminine snobs talk about this not being " etikit" and that not being " etikit," whose knowledge rests upon the ball-room guide or on the opinion of some other snob whose information comes from a like source. Perhaps one of the most prolific sources of a silly pretentious imitation of gentility now becoming a marked feature in Colonial society, is your ball-giving snob. There is my friend Smallclothes for instance, who is not a bad sort of fellow in the smallclothes department. His ventures in business have been pretty successful, circumstances, not of his manufacture, have enabled him, let us say honestly as things go— to make 100 per cent on the sale of smallclothes. Now why shouid he and Mrs Smallclothes having advanced to middle age take to giving 'a round of parties, spending ever so much money, and giving themselves a vast amount of worry and vexation, sending out embossed notes of invitation to a number of persons of whom they know very little, and for whom in reality they care less. They have not been used to it. It is not in human nature that Smallclothes can enjoy the thing. He is happiest where he can be natural, behind his counter, or cracking a joke over a glass of whiskey with an old friend — a friend who smiles indifferently whether he says "you was" or "you were," and considers his " High ham" as good as another's " I am." Perhaps Mrs Smallclothes or the Misses Smallclothes may, for snobbishness of this kind is strongly characteristic of the feminine mind. But my paterfamilias, if you are not a snob yourself why should you allow those who, when you were in your proper sphere, had no wish but to please you, to rule you now. And do you wish your daughters, if you have any, to marry snobs, for you may be sure that most of your guests are such. . Messrs Pegtop, Belltopper, Slopman, &c, are pretentious imitatiors ' of a class of manners and fashions, which they understand as little as you do, therefore vulgar and snobbish. While it •is true .that suck behaviour is chiefly calculated to excite laughter, yet the example is pernicious. You are assisting Mr Smallclothes however benevolent your intentions may be to propogate snobbery; you are inducing your guests— Messrs.

Pegtop, Belltopper, Linsey-Woolsey and Co., and their feminine friends— to spend their money in useless frippery and finery, to neglect, very probably, the duties of their avocation, and the cultivation of their minds and manner in a rational way. Why do you doit ? Answer that question honestly. Sapere aude, incite ! Perhaps it would have been better for them and for you if circumstances and your (say) business capacity had not enabled you to make that 100 per cent, on the sale of Smallclothes. Then there is Mr Broadcloth, or Mr Hoopiron, who, we will suppose, has been better educated and stands, or affects to stand, on a higher level in society than Messrs. Smallcloth, Pegtop, Belltopper, etc. His success in money-making has been considerable. He, of course, must outshine his humbler neighbour, Smallclothes. A few years ago an unpretentious looking one-horse buggy would have been the outward sign of his superiority. Now, forsooth, nothing less than a grand " kerridgc," or it may be two, with coachmen and flunkeys in livery, bespangled with silver and brass, will suffice. Then Mr Whiskeybin, Sharps, Cornflour, Esq., must follow suit. So contagions is example, especially a bad one. It is an old saying, that the jar will long retain the odour of wine with winch it has once been satui-ated. As might be expected, so it is in a sense with these. But it is chiefly in ball or party giving that the innate snobbery of this class shines out. This is when it coruscates, where it strives to dazzle. As a rule, none but " kerridge" magnates, or hansom swells, have the honor, etc. Where, a few years ago, a clean, modestly-attired Betsy was, there is now a fully organised Jeames or John Tunimas, supplemented by fantastically attired monkeys in buttons, to wait upon guests and pass round refreshments. Old Whiskeybin, Mrs Whiskeybin, and the Misses Whiskeybin receive their guests with a bow and strained smile, instead of the hearty shake of the hand which would have welcomed them not long ago. The affectation of politeness which pervades the wholo affair is certainly not conducive to any real pleasure, being rather oppressive. We are all, no doubt, to some extent, snobs in one way or another ; but these people seem to make a business of the thing, nay, actually appear to take a pride in it. "Every man should learn to measure himself by his own rule and foot," so says an old writer on men and manners ; and we think that such men as Broadcloth and Co. would do wisely to take that advice. For an affectation of the rnannei\3 of a society, of which they know nothing, only makes them ridiculous. It does not, #as experience pi'oves, require the highest qualities of mind to make money, but it requires both a social and a moral education to behave like a gentleman, and, for those who are deficient in both, to ape the manners of well-bred gentlemen and gentlewomen is an infallible indication of the many species of snobbery. The purest water poured from a foul vessel will be unclean ; and no imitation of good manners will make the manners of an ill-bred, vulgar person good. The vessel itself must be first cleansed. • The moral of all this is : Grive up affectation, be natural, and cease, as far as you can, to be a snob. The ball - going snob in colonial society is generally a bank clerk or a member of the Civil Service,' that nursery of snobs. He is sure to tell you, if you chance to meet him, how awfully jolly it was, whom he had for a partner, etc. His enjoyment is quite enough, for his affectation and airs are only exceeded by his ignorance and stupidity. He is most probably in debt to his landlady, and owes his tailor for his ball suit ; yet \\e is _ immensely pleased with himself. He is in society. He is f ullfilling his mission, playing his part as a snob. May he prosper ; we are not envious.